For starters, to get on a teacher’s good side, change your assignments from “Upcoming” to “All.” After, click on random poll assignments and tick “No” on all of them. Then, upload a Word document with a rickroll or your favorite meme as your final essay assignment for the school year.
For MCQ science tests, open a test and either submit it blank or do eeny-meeny-miny-moe and randomly click answers.
Free Response Question tests are by far the easiest. Every question tells you the answer inside of the question. For example, let us take the classic history question, “What battle did Napoleon die in?” While this may look overwhelming, the answer remains as simple as the question “1+1=?” Think about it for a minute; if you passed away in battle, after you died, would you fight more battles? The answer is clear as a definitive “no.” Therefore, Napoleon died in his last battle. To pass the FRQs, just answer their question with a simple answer that cannot possibly be proven wrong. Another difficult question could be “Who was the first president?” Although this may look easy, it remains the hardest question of all time. Notice how they do not ask who the first official president was. Therefore, we must go as far back in time as possible, to the first leading character in the Disney princess movies, which makes Pocahontas the first president.
In addition, never mark your messages unread and hide them, or even open them on StudyPlace. Opening messages only leads to disappointment on the teacher’s part. Simply let them pile up and never read them.
Next, during class, position your arguing siblings and your barking dog in the room, and do not use headphones under any circumstance. Later, when the teacher begins to ask questions, go on the mic without raising your hand and start singing Sweet Home Alabama at the top of your lungs. To enhance the performance, have your siblings yell and your dog bark in chorus. In addition, when the teacher says to put your answers in the Moderator chat put them in the Everyone chat and then spam the chat box by copy-pasting the word “Sorry” at least fifty times.
Another great way to become your teacher’s favorite is at the beginning of class, turn on the Caps lock and type random things in the chat like “HOT DOG, HOT DOG, HOT DIGGITY DOG” or “I WANT ICE CREAM!” in the middle of the lesson. The teacher will love your “community effort” if you make sure to get other students engaged in your randomness.
Another tip to being a great student is to constantly press all the buttons such as Speed up, Slow down, Raise hand, Away from Keyboard, and more, during class. Also, in a TPS class, always make sure the chat stays continuously off-topic. Consider it a mission, and if you let even one chat be on-topic then your boss will fire you and hire grouchy old Oscar from Sesame Street. Tragically, Oscar will take over and begin teaching your class the art of trash. Do anything and everything you must to keep it off-track, even if it leads to talking about Christmas cookies or what your dog ate for breakfast.
Furthermore, an awesome way to be the star student is to use all the emojis you can in every single message. Always ensure that you never send a chat that is less than forty-two words long. If you must, write random words. However, for a more professional outcome that will truly impress your teacher, copy and paste the same word repeatedly. Take the three-letter word “wow” for example. On its own, it looks like a midget up against the eight-letter words such as the word that has become astonishingly famous in the teenage world, “Whatever,” and the surprisingly tough word to spell accurately, “Accuracy.” Compared to these, “wow” seems small and unimportant. Yet, when you copy and paste “wow” fifty times into the chat box, the wow’s form an entire army and become a thousand times more appealing than those ten-letter words only philosophers use, drawing your teacher’s attention to the chat box so that they will recognize your amazing literary skills. Be warned though, in certain situations your awesomeness will impress the teacher so much that they may pass out from the sheer awesomeness of it.
If you choose to not just submit your favorite meme for the book annotations, then at the top of the document, instead of filling it out with your name and the date, fill it out with your favorite movie’s protagonist. For example, I love the film Home Alone, so I would put Kevin’s name. So it would be,
“Kevin McCallister
5/12/1990
Mrs. Johnson”
Then, for the rest of the document, just type in irrelevant movie quotes.
Another attribute that teachers adore is the art of multitasking. Make sure that during class and when doing one’s homework, at least twenty but ideally thirty other tabs should be open. Multi-task anything imaginable, like playing music through a Bluetooth speaker at full volume, reading, typing an essay, drawing, and eating a Snicker all at the same time. Once you perfect the art of multitasking, you will have won your teacher’s heart.
In addition, right before you start class, pop a peppermint into your mouth. However, if your horse ate all your peppermints, research shows that a piece of gum also works. Then, the first chance you get, open your microphone and smack as loudly as possible while answering the question. After, leaving your mic open, run to the kitchen and fill a huge glass with ice and cold water, then slurp it while crunching your peppermint. However, if your house suffers from a shortage of peppermint and gum, a lifesaver also substitutes well.
Throughout the rest of the school year and in your further academic endeavors, follow these simple steps and become an even greater TPS student.
Meet the Author:
What is your name?
Sana Baig.
How old are you?
I am 13 years old.
How long have you been at TPS/What’s your favorite class?
This is my second year with TPS. My favorite class so far has been English 1 Unlikely Heroes, which I took with Mrs. Fred.
Where do you live?
I live in India.
What is an interesting fact about you?
An interesting fact about me is that I have never cut my hair.
Why did you want to write this piece? What’s the inspiration?
I wrote this piece because I wanted to make my fellow TPSers laugh. The inspiration for this piece is all those wonderful TPS teachers out there! (Huge thank you from all of us!) I basically took all of the advice ever given to me in TPS and wrote the exact opposite.
Photo Credit: Marcela Rogante on Unsplash and Sana Baig.
Big wheels keep on turnin… carrying me home to see my kin… singing songs about the Southland…. I miss Alabamy once again…
Nice work.. that was lovely! I’ll definitely be keeping some of those tricks in my back pocket for later…
nice! great tips. I’ll have to remember those for class.
Thank you Sana, I finally found the solution to my unfinished homework!
Napoleon did not die in battle :O
he died in doing his last of whatever he was doing 😀
He died of a stomach ache on St. Helena.
Great job Sana!
awesome job sana!
good job sana!
I used these, great results, five stars!
(ofc i didnt-)
“Therefore, Napoleon died in his last battle” xDD
Totally using these!
love this, very true. I have been doing this method since the beginning of the year, surprised that you finally leaked the secret. My teachers love me for doing this.
Great job! I will do my best to follow these guides and boost my grade.
BAHAHA Sana ur such a great star student, teachers must favor u a lot.
oh my goodness i really needed this advice!!!! tysmm ur the best.
GREAT job Sana! This had me laughing so hard!
GAHAHAHAHAHA phenomenal. i now have the power to pass all questions in History
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA this iS hIlArIoUs!!!!!!!
Thanks for the tips, I have been doing everything wrong.
Thanks for the tips, I have been doing everything wrong. lolllllllll
sorry my computer lagged.