Two chairs stand behind a table littered with an organized mess. In one sits the honorary Poetry columnist; the other lies vacant, its delegated occupant currently 47 minutes late. The hurried slap of feet announces the guest’s arrival seconds before the door swings open.
Enter Kermit.
Sarah: “Ah, Kermit! There you are! I’m so glad you could make it. Please, have a seat.”
Kermit: “Thank you. I’m sorry it took me so long. I was preoccupied with, well, er…Miss Piggy.”
Sarah: “Oh my.”
Kermit: “Ye-es. That’s a good way to describe it. Anyways, what are we looking at today?”
Sarah: “We’ve got two poems to go over, each with pretty drastically different themes. One’s a tragedy, and the other is more of a heroic ballad. Which one would you like to start with?”
Kermit: “Mmm, how about the sad one, just to get it over with?”
Sarah: “Sounds good to me! Then our first one is ‘Ooey Gooey’ by Author Unknown. It goes as follows:
‘Ooey Gooey was a worm,
A mighty Worm was he.
He stepped upon the railroad tracks,
The train he did not see!
Ooooey Goooey!’
Kermit: “Oh! Ohh! How terrible!”
Sarah: Yes, it’s one of the most heart-wrenching tragedies! Alas, poor Ooey Gooey!”
Kermit: “I can’t even bear to even try to analyze the poem. It’s- It’s just so sad.”
Sarah: “Yes…but we must attempt it even so. What part induced the greatest sense of tragedy for you, Kermit?”
Kermit: “Definitely the last line. The drawn-out wail of his name—even the assonance and rhyme between the two words adds to the grief of the reader. Ohhhh, so tragic!”
Sarah: “Indeed. That phrase has such an anguished lilt to it. What about the overall message of the poem? Did anything in particular stick out to you?”
Kermit: “One thing that makes this such a bittersweet tale is that we can infer that Ooey Gooey was most likely on a heroic mission when he was slain, because it’s a known fact that all mighty worms are heroes and use their mightiness for the good of worm-kind. The commentary on mortality is just so poignant.”
Sarah: “Oh, marvelous observation!
Kermit: “Such a valiant death.”
Sarah: “A moment of silence for Ooey Gooey!”
A moment of silence.
Sarah: “And now, as much as I would love to continue to mourn the loss of Ooey Gooey, let’s move onto the next poem.”
Kermit: “Yes, yes. Happier sentiments are more my forte.”
Sarah: “Then would you do the honor of reading ‘Jabberwocky’ by Lewis Carroll?”
Kermit: “Of course. Ahem:
‘’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and—’”
Miss Piggy: “Keerrrrmmmieeeeee!”
Kermit: “Oh no.”
Enter Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy: “Ohhhh Keeeerrrrmmmieeee…Ah! There you are!”
Kermit: “Er. Miss Piggy, I’m in the middle of—”
Miss Piggy: “Don’t worry, Kermie! I’m sure your thingie can wait. I have an urgent matter to discuss with you. Right now!”
Kermit: “But—“
Miss Piggy: “No ‘buts,’ my dear frog! This is urgent! I need to know what you think of my new neon-pink sparkly stilettos!”
Miss Piggy exhibits stilettos.
Miss Piggy: “Are they too dull? Do they compliment my eyes? My dress? Kermie?!”
Sarah:
Miss Piggy: “What!? Are you saying this poetry analysis is more important than me? Than my stilettos?!”
Kermit: “Er, I—“
Miss Piggy: “FINE THEN! If it’s poetry analysis you want, then that’s what you’ll get! Hmph! Hand over the paper, would you?”
Sarah: “Wait, Miss Piggy, please…”
Miss Piggy: “Shhh! Let me read this. Hmm-hmmm– mimsy-whatnots- la-da-dum, claws that catch, hmhm, the Jabberwocky burbled, da-da-hmmm, vorpal sword, dead Jabberwocky, hmm, oh, and now we’re back to the slippery toes or whatever. Ha! That was easy!”
Sarah: “If only analysis were that simple. I’m afraid to say you only read the poem.”
Miss Piggy: “Oh. Really? Well, you cut me off before I was done analyzing. Ahem. Let me see. First things first, we learned that we must ‘Beware the Jabberwock,’ obviously. And what the poet means by Jabberwocks are those people who distract your beloved friends with poetry and analysis.”
Sarah: “…”
Kermit: “Did you just call Sarah a Jabberwock?”
Miss Piggy: “Hmph! It was for a good cause!”
Kermit: “But…”
Miss Piggy: “Shhh, Kermie, trust me on this, would you? Another thing we learned was that stilettos take precedent over poetry because…because ‘twas brillig, and the slimy toes, which is definitely the poet saying that we should focus on sparkly shoes rather than his poem! Ta daaa! Done! LET’S GO KERMIEE!”
Sarah: “Thank you, Miss Piggy, for your…extremely unique insight. Could you just wait a few more minutes, though? I would love to hear Kermit’s perspective before you go.”
Miss Piggy: “HA! Like I would fall for that trick! ‘The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!’ It’s a trap, Kermie! We’ve got to run for it!”
Kermit is helpless.
Miss Piggy: “ESCAPE!”
Miss Piggy grabs hold of Kermit’s arm. The two lurch out of the door, Miss Piggy’s stilettos all the while clipping victoriously down the hall. A final call of “Beware the Jabberwock” floats down from the corridor. Slapping her forehead, the honorary Poetry Columnist shakes her head hopelessly.
Works Cited
Carroll, Lewis. “The Jabberwocky.” Poetry Foundation, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42916/jabberwocky.
“Ooey Gooey.” https://ccsclassical.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Poems-1-3.pdf
Photo Credit
https://collider.com/muppets-now-series-announced-disney-plus/
HAHAHA Sarahh this was great!
Ahhh poor Kermit. Great job Sarah!
LOL I love this
Sarah, this was GREAT. It’s been one of the best articles I’ve read so far in all my four years at TPS.
lol! I memorized both these poems =P
This is amazing!!! Poor Kermit
i LOVE kermit
I loved the article. I couldn’t stop reading
Great job Sarah! Poor Kermit though lol
Lol this was great. I have alredy memorised Oooy gooy
This was hilarious! Kermit’s character is just like the movies and I love the poetry analysis 😂
Alas! Poor Oooy Gooy! This was hilarious!!
Thank you so much!
That was amazing!!