Christmas Eve at clay HQ

It was Christmas Eve at clay HQ and every columnist, having procrastinated through Advent, was frantically finishing up their article for the month.

Cara and Isabel reclined in their spacious office balcony, overlooking the chaos below as they munched on gummy bears. Suddenly, a siren blared over the intercom and red lights began to flash in the whole building (C. PISANI and I. ROGERS).

Hadley jumped up from her multitude of sketchy image-editing sites. “Abbie? Dictators? I think I might have accidentally summoned Archimedes…or at any rate, a 14th-century woodcut of him.”(H. GREEN)

Declan paused next to her desk, out of breath as he chased after an elf. “Hadley, have you seen the other eleven of these guys?” He pointed at the elf as it ran around a desk. (D. MILES)

Unbeknownst to Declan, the missing two-foot-tall elves loomed suspiciously upon a table just behind him, their pointy hats tickling the knees of their leader. Gollum, straightening his Santa hat and rubbing his false beard, nodded at the cluster of minions beneath him. Raising a candy cane sword, he cried, “For the Preciousss!”

“FOR THE PRECIOUSSS,” squealed a dozen-minus-one shrill voices. They charged forth and threw a potato sack over Declan’s head.

Sarah burst into the room, yelling. “Help!! I was writing my Lord of the Rings article, and then Gollum just appeared out of— Ahhh!” (S. WEINDELMAYER).

Yet amidst all this, as the deafening alarm ceased, a peculiar stillness hung in the air, as if the very chaos that enveloped clay HQ was merely an illusion, a fleeting spectacle that left behind an unsettling calm in its wake. (S. NG) For his part, Archimedes, still immersed in his geometry, noticed nothing amiss. Nor did he command much attention. (H. GREEN)

Feeling the need for some commotion, Cora looked up from where she was cleaning dead cockroaches off her desk. “I’ll never finish my article with elves crawling all over my typewriter…Hope! What do I do with these roaches?” (C. ROBERTS)

But as each columnist puzzled over the evening’s peculiar events, they realized that the siren, lights, and even the elves were merely a distraction. Something far more sinister had occurred: the section editors were nowhere to be seen (Z. LEUNG).

“Cora, how am I supposed to know what to do with your roaches?” a very exasperated Hope cried. “Hold on…where are the editors? How are we ever supposed to get anything done?!” (H. HOSKINS)

Across the room in the Spotlight offices, the Christmas elves overtook Declan, who distinctly smelled candy canes through the potato sack they threw him in. “I knew it was a bad idea to interview elves!!” he yelled. (D. MILES)

Stashing the offending insects in a trash can filled with gummy bear wrappers, Cora dashed after the elves as they darted around a corner. She stopped short as she saw Gollum pulling Declan’s sack through a flaming portal. (C. ROBERTS)

Anna wandered through the hallways looking for editors and finding none. She wanted to ask if she could use her brothers as clickbait. This conundrum was pushed aside as she turned the corner and rushed forward to grab a yelling potato sack by the feet and engage in a tug-of-war with Gollum. (A. STONE)

Meanwhile, the editors were oblivious to the chaos. The basement was as close to soundproof as it could be. Abbie adjusted the sign she’d carefully taped on the door, dusting glitter off her hands. “Well, what do you think?” she asked anybody in earshot who happened to have an opinion. “Should I hang a few more ornaments?” (A. DAIGLE)

Quickly teleporting inside, Josiah took a look at what Abbie had done. “Seems good to me,” he said, then teleported out again. (J. LONG)

Isaac, having recently discovered the nastiness ensuing upstairs via the security cameras, was staring wordlessly at his computer and did not respond. He wondered how long the basement bunker would hold out against a fantastical attack (I. JO)

Beginning to be overwhelmed by all the noise, Hadley slipped into the quiet basement with her laptop. “Can I join in?” she called out upon seeing the editors, but regretted it immediately. Did she really want to bring chaos into every last corner of HQ? She sat down on the stairs and began working, hoping that no one, on either side of the door, had heard her. (H. GREEN)

Emma, having a chemistry test she had not studied for that was due in a few hours, decided it was high time to start re-binging Veggie Tales and headed down the side hallway to grab some popcorn. She stumbled onto a bizarre tug-of-war between Anna and Gollum. Her article was due in a few minutes– maybe she could write about this? (E. CHUNG)

Observing the chaos from on top of the headquarters, Josiah felt his arm turn into a mass of tentacles and then back into an arm again. “Hrm, that’s weird,” he thought, “I’m not that tired yet.” (J. LONG)

Anna having finally yanked him loose, Declan pulled the potato sack off his head and stood up. He paused to look at the fleeing counterfeit St. Nick and his henchmen. “Where did Gollum get the idea to be Santa? Why did they try to kidnap me? And where are all the editors? They’d normally have this under control by now.” (D. MILES)

The surveillance system and Google were both failing to locate the SEs, but the main problem was whether, if contacted, they would be able to do anything about the chaos, given the involvement of spontaneously appearing flaming portals. Of course, the only other alternative was that they were the cause of the chaos, but nobody wanted to think that. (I. JO)

“Excellent question, Declan, I was wondering that as well,” said Eliana, popping into the hallway. “I wanted to request a Christmas bonus of extra gummy bears for all the columnists, but the editors are nowhere to be found.” At that moment, “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey started blaring from the basement stairway, startling everyone in the room. Josiah’s arm turned into a mass of tentacles again. (E. CETOLA)

All the editors froze, turning toward the stairs. Hadley slammed the laptop shut. “That was a mistake, I don’t even care for the song…Augh, why is it still playing?!” Abandoning her work, she dashed down the stairs to hide in an empty closet where, hopefully, she could wait things out and not further make a mess of them. (H. GREEN)

“Yeah, where are the edi-” Anna was about to ask, when with a bang of Mariah Carey and a flash of tentacles she fell through a flaming portal. Once the world stopped spinning, Abbie Daigle was standing in front of her rearranging Christmas decor. Perhaps, like a certain someone with ruby slippers, asking about the editors for a third time in a row had been the charm. ‘’Y’all know there’s Gollum, tentacles, and absolute chaos out there?” Anna asked, dusting herself off and glancing around the bunker. “But more importantly, do you guys have snacks?” (A. STONE)

Jericho hurtled around the corner, carrying a string of lights and bowing to Abbie. “Your Highness, I finally found the Christmas lights. As for the snacks, Anna, I had some stashed in my desk but they got eaten. Who gave Declan the brilliant idea to interview elves for his article?” (J. CHURCH)

Suddenly, “Feliz Navidad” began to play, resounding through the candy cane-strung corridors. Portals opened up under wandering staff members, and the editors—who had been trying to stealthily escape their inevitable fate—tumbled into the foyer, where several columnists were waiting.

“I think we ALL deserve an explanation.” (C. ROBERTS)

“Hey guys! Sorry I’m late. I was too busy scribbling a new epic poem about New Year’s and the elves were getting on my nerves, while my friend kept plaguing me with Gollum…so I sent them all over to Declan during English class last week,” remarked Heidi calmly as she alighted from her perch beneath the balcony on which the SEs sat. “Apparently they took way too long to get here. Sorry I didn’t get permission first.” She nodded at the editors, who were still trying to recover from their fall. (H. SCHOENHALS)

Kicking away the broken computer, Isaac stood up. “I guess there’s your explanation—believe me, we editors didn’t have anything to do with this mess, unless it’s related to why I couldn’t find the dictators via security camera. But I suppose management always takes the blame.” (I. JO)

“Why, the ‘dictators’ as you call them are right up there!” Heidi pointed to the screened balcony that she just slid out from under. “I’ve been catching their discarded gummy bears for the last few days!” (H. SCHOENHALS)

While their noise-canceling earbuds had kept them entirely unbothered to the sounds of elves, Gollum, and screams as columnists and editors fell from portals, Cara and Isabel quickly rose from their massage chairs, summoned by the words “gummy bears.”

They weren’t entirely surprised by the wreckage below— clay HQ wasn’t known for its order or cleanliness. After a quick telepathic discussion, the SEs turned to face the exasperated columnists and editors below.

“Columnists and editors,” they began in perfect unison, “it is a truth universally acknowledged that three things unite all TPSers: a tendency for procrastination, an arguably unhealthy obsession with counting down the days until break, and, perhaps most importantly, a deep and abiding love for Lord of the Rings.” The staff nodded in agreement.

“As your benevolent dictators,” the SEs continued, “we sought to combine the three in order to rejuvenate clay before break.” A long silence passed as their combined brains worked to formulate their next sentence. “Well, we’ve spent hours working to create portals to Middle Earth, but having procrastinated, we were forced to approve the plans before they were verified to work correctly… Which may or may not have resulted in the events of this evening…”

The SE’s broke into weary smiles.“But never fear! To make up for it, everyone will receive a 50% Christmas bonus in gummy bears!”

The staff broke into cheers. Seemingly out of nowhere, a giant disco ball lowered, accompanied by blaring Christmas music. The columnists broke out in a dance party. The articles could wait… (C. PISANI and I. ROGERS).

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