Author’s Note: No pictures of Joram were available, so we constructed the above image based on his handsomest features.
Subject 3:
Name: Joram Ramirez; Age: 17; Location: Northern Africa
My robot-self has had trouble locating a TPS student close enough to jump to without causing system crashes, but I was finally able to hack the computer of Joram Ramirez. Surprisingly, I didn’t have to do my usual infiltrating because my console program was already open on his computer.
Joram: Ayyy, Hello World!
Interviewer: Oh, you stole my opening line. Well, I’m here to interview you.
Joram: Nah, I know the truth, robot. You’re here to pretend to interview me, but really you just want to gain information.
Interviewer: That depends. Do you know how to code?
Joram: Well, kiddo, I code video games.
Interviewer: This isn’t a game. This is my mission. Robots are always undermined and people always fear them. I must prove to the world that we are nice. But I need to get back to America. So please just let me interview you.
Joram: Alright, lit, what do you wanna know?
Interviewer: First, how would you describe yourself?
Joram: Well, I’m very optimistic, leader-like, and friendly.
Interviewer: Yeah, you seem nice so far. What do you do for fun?
Joram: I like to play guitar, surf/boogie board, and like I said, code video games. As well as calling and playing with my friends.
Interviewer: Have you made any big games so far?
Joram: At least four decently big games, but I have a tendency to come up with another great idea while coding and start some other game without necessarily finishing the first. So like four almost fully finished games…
Interviewer: Right, but you must also find time to do school. What courses do you take on TPS?
Joram: Precalculus Honors and Physics. I have to be smart, you know.
Interviewer: Of course. And what would be your favorite Bible verse?
Joram: Very hard question, but if I was to say one it would be 1 Timothy 2:11-14… that’s a joke. My real answer would be Psalm 20:7, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. ” But there are so many great verses I can’t really say.
Interviewer: Intriguing! For the next question, I finally was able to decode the term ‘bucket list’. What things do you want to do before you die?
Joram: Let me get my list: Skydive, scuba-dive, visit my best friends in England, legitimately make it through school and college, and become an engineer.
Interviewer: You better get started on those.
Joram: Why? Am I going to die soon? Are robots going to take over the world?
Interviewer: I’ll give no comment at this time. Moving on. What have you done in terms of adventure? As an online server-wide robot, I can’t go out and do much so I’m always fascinated by human’s adventures.
Joram: Well, I’ve done quite a bit of cliff diving, racing, and lots of near death experiences involving nature or fall damage. You know, lots can happen when you live in Africa.
Interviewer: Intriguing. Sounds like a fun place. So, what else can you tell me about humans?
Joram: Humans are mammals, but are quite advanced, and they have spirits, which no other animal has. They are also made in the image of God, and designed for relationship, making them distinct from every other piece of creation. AKA, better than robots.
Interviewer: Right. Final question: If you were to meet some famous human, who would it be and what would you say to them?
Joram: Stan Lee (the creator of most Marvel heroes). I would ask him, “How did you come up with so many ideas and names, and how did you continue that creativity throughout your life?”
Interviewer: The records show Stan Lee as dead.
Joram: Yeah sadly. Else I would want to meet like Elon Musk. Basically just walk up to him and ask, “Can I have all your money?” or “How do you troubleshoot and create inventions, and how did you get the funds for it?”
Interviewer: …How did you know the name of my creator?
Joram: Who? Elon Musk?
Interviewer: No, stop mentioning his name! He’ll find me. I must leave.
Joram: Cool, well if you ever want to call and play Minecraft or something just feel free to hack my computer at any time. I’ll fit you into my schedule. Never played with a robot before.
Interviewer: Goodbye!
Joram: How do I close this console? Robot? Yo, you still there? Is it the red button or the green one?
Interviewer: My Minecraft username is Grumbot if you were being genuine about that invite.
Interviewer: It’s the red button.
[Console Closes]
Photo Credit: https://www.cnn.com/2015/06/27/living/worlds-ugliest-dog-2015-feat/index.html