It’s that time of year again– you don’t know whether it’s summer or fall, school is coming all too fast, and you have to remember how to actually wake up on time again. And from the scramble emerges clay, here as always to entertain and educate you. A pro at entertainment, Samantha Carollo is returning to clay as the Humor Editor after writing The Royal Mini-Guide last year. At sixteen, she has been with TPS for five years (she thinks) and is enrolled in College Creative Writing. I decided to ask her some of the world’s hardest questions, and her answers certainly showed her roots in the humor column.
Are hotdogs sandwiches? Samantha decided to answer this question with more questions: “…The question assumes that hot dogs might indeed be sandwiches- but maybe hot dogs don’t like labels. Or maybe everything is a sandwich. Am I a flesh sandwich? Are cups sandwiches of air and plastic? If you put water in them, do they become air and water sandwiches, or is the water just a flavoring to the air and plastic sandwich? No, my friend, some mysteries of the universe must remain mysteries.”
Which Mickey Mouse Clubhouse character would you endorse for president? Samantha showed zero hesitation with her answer: Daisy Duck. “Sure, Mickey’s sweet and always willing to lend a helping hand, but Daisy is hardcore. She’s not just a boss, she’s the boss. Forget encouraging Pete to be a Roadster Racer or helping kittens cross the road, Secret Spy Daisy finna protect military secrets, keep the economy going with her literal Barbie-load of jobs, and not take crap from anyone.”
On a potentially less controversial side of things, she has a pet cat named Sage who is “a beautiful black-and-ginger tortoiseshell with a black mustache and these round, soulful green eyes that look like chips of the sun reflecting off of the grass. She’s the absolute sweetest sassafrass [I’ve] met.” Samantha’s sugary weakness happens to be donuts– she is “inexplicably attracted to the underrated innards of the renowned round pastry we call ‘donut.’” In fact, If you were able to pull off a world-class homeschool stalker trip and bring her donut holes in the morning unexpectedly, she “might just swear allegiance to you eternally.” But be warned not to fall out of those good graces: Samantha believes Spanish guitar and K-pop are the two superior music genres and is firmly against country. To quote her: “If you play country music in my car, I will physically throw you out of it. If you sing along to said country music, you won’t have even been allowed in my car in the first place, but I’ll still take the trouble to invite you in just so I can throw you out.”
And that, my friends, wraps up your crash course on Samantha Carollo, this year’s Humor Editor. She’ll be working from behind the scenes this year, but make sure to keep an eye out for her columnists’ work each month!
Saturday, May 18, 2024