Maia Gaskovski • Holly Erickson • Christine Niu • Charlie Su • Shiloh Striemer • Bronwyn Dix • Andrew Sayuk • Janae Stark • Amaya Leiby • Caroline Housworth • Hadleigh Gleeson • Luke Waters • Sasha Kuhlmann • Ian Lee • Sabina Boyer • Samantha Carollo • Cary Didden • Erika Yee • Katie Bao • Grace Wang • Dianna Pledger • Lauren Workman • Jacob Luckenbaugh • Hannah Ling • Hannah Winebrener • Anna Johnson
“Thank you!”
“Thanks for class!!!”
“Have a great weekend, thank you!!”
“Tally hoooooooo”
Student #451932, or Jenny as her friends called her, slammed her laptop shut as she closed GP7 for the final time that week. Only twelve more weeks until spring break–an eternity it felt like. Mr. Pencil overflowed with “2 days from now” assignments, but at least she was free from the treacherous grips of blue backgrounds, mic glitches, powerpoint slides, and most terrifying–webcams.
Getting up from her desk, she tripped over her Lord of the Rings collection as she dashed off to the kitchen for a quick snack. Gummy bears in hand, she grabbed her car keys as she threw on her shoes and headed out into the perilous wasteland known as the Real World (STANTON).
As she stepped out the front door, she found herself suddenly accosted by something that her highly trained homeschooler mind told her wasn’t right: a moose stood before her on the sidewalk sporting a mug of cocoa grasped in one cloven hoof, a walking cane held firmly in another, and a top hat carefully perched on one of his huge racks, which, by the way, there were seven of to go with his seven heads (DIX).
“I believe we’ve met,” the moose-creature said in a peculiar English accent. (LEE)
Jenny frowned, squinting hard at his face for several moments before shaking her head emphatically.
“Unfortunately sir, I believe you’re mistaken–I’m homeschooled, so I only know two people outside of my immediate family, and I don’t recall either of them having the common sense to drink cocoa instead of coffee. And, you know, neither of them are English moose-hydra hybrids” (CAROLLO).
The moose nodded wisely, once with each of its seven heads and mused, temporarily forgetting his purpose.
“Perhaps the notable lack of English moose-hydra hybrids is directly tied with that of cocoa drinkers…” (ERICKSON)
Jenny suddenly realized caution might be a good idea –– moose and hydras could be dangerous, she had heard, and one with an English accent was probably extra unpredictable –– so she started stepping back towards the door, but she stopped again when she nervously dropped the gummy bears and car keys (PINGEL).
Seeing her sudden fear, the hydra-moose hooked his cane around his cocoa-holding arm and handed her back the keys and candy saying, “Don’t worry my dear, there’s much stranger creatures in my homeland than I, but all completely harmless I assure you! But we mustn’t be late…are you coming then?” (DIX)
But Jenny, being a smart girl, knew not to trust a strange talking moose, especially one telling her that he was “completely harmless” ( WORKMAN).
“Of course you’re coming,” the hydra-moose said, answering his own question, and before Jenny could make a move, he grabbed his cane and, seemingly by magic, whisked her off, gummy bears and all, to… (LEE)
A seemingly normal meadow, much like the one just outside her hometown.
However, as she looked around, still disoriented from the magical if not a bit nauseating journey, she began to make out the outline of a landscape (SAYUK). Jenny tilted her head slightly as her eyes moved back and forth, tracing the curves on each side of the landscape and the two branch-like shapes jutting out of the perfectly proportionate curves, before gasping in surprise at what it resembled (YEE).
The meadow was not truly a meadow at all but rather the long grassy snout of a dragon, whose horns sprung out like twisted trees from his high, arched temples a good hundred meters away. Its only visible eye, off away down a slope the the right, was tracked on them curiously.
“You’ll find I’m so strange after all here,” said the hydra-moose, his eyes twinkling as he raised his mug in a cheers to the dragon’s uncertain gaze, “Shall we keep on?” (BOYER)
Bewildered and knowing she had no choice but to assent, Jenny nodded (NIU).
Before she could say anything however, the dragon’s one eye winked convulsively, and his snout quivered violently while his nostrils dilated. Before either the hydra-moose or Jenny could react, the ground shook explosively as a cold, slimy mixture erupted from the direction of the dragon’s snout, thoroughly soaking Jenny and, worst of all, ruining the moose’s delicious drink.
“My cocoa!” the infuriated gentleman roared, his British accent more obvious than ever (WANG). “This will not do at all,” the hydra-moose mumbled to himself. “After all, when I was young, my mother taught me that any dragon who ruins the cocoa of refined moose such as myself, and, less importantly, who sneezes all over young girls must learn a proper lesson” (PLEDGER). The hydra-moose continued, “This proper lesson, (which is only a gentle way that a polite civilian would state it) involves a perilous journey to acquire precisely 160 ounces of finely ground Peruvian cocoa powder. If this is an unfathomable assignment due to current circumstances, a few dwarf-conducted floggings will suffice” (GASKOVSKI).
“Dwarf conducted floggings?” asked Jenny, bewildered, and as if in response to her question, a regiment of dwarves in tiny “Fantastical Law Enforcement” uniforms burst from the woods around the dragon, each with an enchanted wooden spoon in their hands with which to paddle the insubordinate dragon. (BOYER)
“Precisely!” said the hydra-moose, beaming at the dwarves (whose faces had gone red from trying to flog the dragon). “Isn’t it wonderful? A purely hereditary position, of course. Now, hadn’t you better change into something dry? Dragon snot can give you a terrible cold in the head.” He plucked a large purple handkerchief out of the air and handed it to Jenny. (LING)
As Jenny was wiping her face however, the ground began to shake again.
“Oh!” the moose-hydra exclaimed. “Looks like our little dragon friend is about to sneeze again. I think we should leave. Plus, I need more of my delectable cocoa.” (LEE)
Fear apparent on her face, Jenny swiftly followed the retreating moose with haste, for, as he said, the dragon inhaled swiftly before another sneeze tore itself from his nose. (ERICKSON)
Jenny wrinkled her nose. Not only was the dragon snot cold and slimy, it also gave off a rancid smell that reminded Jenny of the time that her assignment for cooking class had gone wrong. Apparently, gummy bears didn’t pair well with quesadillas. (KUHLMANN)
As they retreated away from the dragon, the moose guided her into the forest, and as they walked deeper amongst the trees, Jenny realized that they had come upon a circle of tiny people, not dwarvish but of another variety; they had tiny purple hats and each held a strange looking flute from which they played the most beautiful but strange melodies that floated through the air in golden spirals. Suddenly, their music stopped, and their chief, putting his hands on his hips, stepped forward angrily. (DIX)
“Mis! Ter! Sep! Te! Musse!!!!!” The little creature spat out each syllable, as if he could poison the hydra-moose with each word. “I thought I told you NOT to interrupt when we are rehearsing for the Grand Festival of Amazing and Talented Gnomixiewarf Flutists.”
Jenny paused for a second. “Gnomixiewarf?” she asked.
The moose, or rather, Septemusse, laughed. “Is it such a surprise that we have a gnome, pixie, and dwarf hybrid which, by the way, can fly? (BAUER).
Right then, Jenny finally pinned down the source of her quiet nagging doubts: “Mr. Septemusse, I realize this place is a magical land populated by mythical creature hybrids. As a homeschooler, I can accept that. But I don’t understand at all where this place even is, and for what purpose you have so dramatically transported me here –– hey, why are you lifting your eyebrows like that?” (PINGEL)
“Because,” said Mr. Septemusse sarcastically (WORKMAN).
He whipped out his contract and a pair of reading spectacles, placing the latter on one of his noses and squinting at the fine-print instructions of the former.
“Let’s see… ‘look inside yourself for the answer,’ blabbity blabbity blah, ‘what is your heart telling you,’ ‘all will become clear’… hmm, yes, it appears that you’re supposed to know the answer to that” (CAROLLO).
However, instead of having her long-awaited Disney moment where Jenny realized the true meaning of life, Mr. Septemusse’s answer only left her with more questions, and at last, she felt that now would be an appropriate time to lay all of her complaints upon him (PLEDGER).
“But that’s ridiculous! If it were that easy to get the answer to all of life’s meaningful questions, why haven’t people tried it before?! Wouldn’t the answer to life’s questions be different for each person?”
Jenny paused before she muttered, “Aren’t I supposed to go through some kind of quest or adventure before I look inside myself? Where’s the character development?” (KUHLMANN)
“Please calm down, my dear Jenny,” Mr. Septemusse drawled in affected tones, rummaging in his pocket for a few moments. “Would you like a crumpet to assuage your anger?”
In response, Jenny seized the outstretched pastry and furiously hurled it at the monocle that one of the hydra-moose’s seven heads was wearing (WANG).
She glared at Mr. Septemusse and stomped her feet.
“I don’t need–”
But before she could finish her sentence, an unexpected movement caught her eye, and she gasped in horror (YEE).
The crumpet had suddenly morphed into a flying turtle and was now perched atop a certain someone’s slightly stinging hoof before shooting up and slapping said someone in the face.
“Oh. Sorry buddy. It’s not my fault your hibernating crumpet form looks and feels just like a real crumpet,” Mr. Septemusse said rather apologetically (BAUER). Although Jenny was undeniably angry because of everything she had experienced over the course of the past few hours due to the hydra-moose’s bizarre antics, she still felt incredibly guilty over what she had done to the turtlefly-crumpet hybrid — and to a lesser extent, Mr. Septemusse (PLEDGER).
Jenny suddenly wondered if they would forgive her if she gave them her gummy bear quesadillas. If Mr. Septemusse would agree to take her home and retrieve them, she would have a chance to escape (STARK).
Mr. Septemusse peered inquisitively at the look of doubt on Jenny’s face. “My dear Jenny, is there something bothering you?” he inquired (LUCKENBAUGH).
Jenny frowned, suddenly feeling the absence of something that was supposed to be bothering her… then it struck her, and with the panic of procrastination throttling her sense of logic, she let out an almighty screech.
“IT’S DUE IN TWENTY MINUTES!” (CAROLLO)
As if by magic, her screams whisked her back onto the doorstep of the Real World. Sprinting back into her house, Jenny grabbed her laptop and chugged a full pot of coffee, in dire need of a caffeine-induced speed-thinking extravaganza.
Nineteen minutes and fifty-nine seconds later, she frantically logged into StudyPlace and clicked on the famous Mr. Pencil icon. She hit the “Submit” button at 6:00 on the dot and waited anxiously for the infamous yellow box to pop up.
“On Time, Thank You!”
Jenny breathed a sigh of relief as she slumped into her chair and vowed to forever remain inside her safe homeschooler haven, never to venture out of her house again (STANTON).
Photo Credit: https://www.amazon.com/Leggy-Moose-Mug-Hot-Chocolate/dp/B077RDFPDR