~Starless Nights (September 8-14)~
(Note: One version of this chapter was put through google translate, while the other was not. The messed-up version is posted here, with the original linked at the bottom. I’d actually suggest reading the non-messed-up version before the messed up version to best understand the chapter! No spoilers, but angst overflows 😉
Google Translate Version
Grace: Can you see the sphere now?
amanda bear: yes yes
Grace: I don’t know what to say, it’s amazing. Thank you so much for telling me it means a lot
Amanda Bear: Oh! you have always been like a sister to me
Grace: Haha. But seriously, the last time I tried to tell you about my orb, you told me penguins in Antarctica ate my brains and then you didn’t text me back for a month
AmandaBear: I didn’t answer the texts because I forgot! But I don’t like penguins. Now I believe they have returned your brain virtually intact
Grace: Amanda, I swear…
AmandaBear: I’m just kidding, I’m kidding, but to answer your question… I honestly don’t know. It’s just that everything that happened with Lain made me reevaluate what I thought was garbage and rethink what I had ever dreamed of. A word of warning, though: I’m not sure I believe what I’m seeing, as thoughts of immortality, magic orbs, and golden light are flooding through my mind like a washing machine. I have to deal with the huge legacy/burden that Lai left me.
Grace: I’m gtg right now but if you need to talk I’m here 🙂
AmandaBear: I love you, elegant <3
Grace: I love you too <33
***
[September 12]
Hi, I don’t have a name for the sad diary! It was from the shrimp. Lai asked me to write his journal because he has funny fingers when he writes, so *jazz hands* I’ll try to channel my inner Lai, but I can’t match Lai’s grace and passion for describing light.
Today began as usual: without confusion and meaning. I get there at nine and we work on the ASL book we’ve been using for the past few days. We only communicate with children’s sentences, but we need this second language because it is increasingly difficult to analyze Lai’s spoken language. Moreover, learning ASL gave us a common goal, to deepen the gap created between us by their shared hallucinations, although I could not match Wordle’s ability to interweave our dreams and aspirations. Don’t tell Lai, but I’ve asked Wordle’s answer ahead of time because she gets excited every time we solve it. A little trick never hurt anyone, right?
Then, about half past ten, Lai suddenly called out, “Hello, Sharp?”
“How’s it going?”
She took a deep breath. “About Sunday, by dial, I’m sorry,” she said, stammering “Sunday” and “Prom” with his fingers. I froze, my pulse skyrocketing. Even though Lai’s syllables were slurred, I could understand why she was apologizing. Will you finally withdraw your order from the magic account?
Trying to sound calm, I mumbled, “I mean, yeah, okay.”
Len looked up, his eyes shining. “Actually?”
“Exactly.” I tried to smile, but my facial muscles ached from lack of practice. When I declined to elaborate, Lai continued hesitantly, “I won’t take back what I said about that sphere.” My heart sank. Don’t look disappointed. Don’t look disappointed. NO-
“But,” she added, her eyes refusing to let me go, “we don’t need to agree on this to be friends. Shrep, you’re my best friend, I love you and I don’t want to waste. .” this time acting weird AND being afraid to talk about things like… I don’t know, dying. IM dying. I want to cry every night and I don’t even tell my journal how scared I am because I want to. be brave, but i didn’t. Please?” His voice was a little hoarse, clouding my unruly vision.
I’m broken, I’m broken. Even though I don’t think she sees the golden fairy light, I will try to listen to her fears instead of talking about them, I won’t fight her with orbs, and I will love her unconditionally because our time is running out. out.
I reached out and took her hand, trying to remember the streak of caramel light leaving her brunette hair. “Sure. Guess what? Let’s start two weeks ago. Tell me everything, let’s record everything.”
Lai fell silent, a dozen emotions fluttering across his face. In the end, he admits: “I don’t know where to start.”
“Okay,” I started, grabbing my laptop. “What do you remember, I don’t know, from the first day in the hospital?
Thoughtful, Lai sighed. “I feel… um, a little old? Like I’m aging 10 times faster and looking like I’ve lived 60 years in 6 days.”
“Okay, well, maybe we can start here,” I suggested. “Aunt Amanda will be here soon, but I’m 99% sure she’ll be late, so we basically have all the time in the world.”
I don’t have time to document the rest since it’s 1am (I should probably go to bed :\ ), but I’ll be back every day to update myself. See you soon <3
Shpresa Sinani
***
[Amanda’s sad diary – September 14]
Lai passed away at noon today.
I took her hand and she died.
Shrep was on the other side of her, crying horribly, holding Lai’s hand and whispering a promise to grow old in a lawn chair. With every breath he wanted to inhale Lai, with every second that passed she wanted to dig Lai’s face into his irises.
Not even for Lai, she was crying too, but her eyes were somewhere off the phone screen where we were calling Grace, who was crying. Finally, when Lai’s eyes met mine, I waved and she responded with a half smile. I wasn’t sure I’d see it again, but my free hand reached into my pocket and embraced the orb, which vibrated like Lai’s dying heartbeat and weighed like a millstone.
Then Lai’s fingers gave way and the Dream collapsed like a dying star. She tried to get away from me, but I held her tight until the hospital staff took us out of the corridor.
The funeral will take place two weeks later. There is no guarantee that I will write first. Sorry, there are tear marks on the paper.
Photo credit: https://pixabay.com/photos/adult-diary-journal-notebook-book-1850177/
Original version: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cMU3_bI1jatLLLtGLsMxrHmE3I8cqgCqDLr_XOCrapM/edit?usp=sharing