~Honey Afternoons (September 6-7)~
Matilda,
Amber afternoon light drenched my cot as the clock struck three. Hunching over Shrep’s phone, I squinted at the half-solved Wordle game we had spent the last two hours stressing over.
“All my hairs are grey,” Shrep muttered. “Do we guess “dusky” or “mucky?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “We could also guess “lucky,” though.”
Shrep tossed her head back and moaned in agony. “Sorry, Lai, but could you google ‘most common letters in the English alphabet’ again?”
“Consider it done.” Turning to my laptop, I started when I noticed a golden glow flickering from the opposite corner of the room. There, drawn curtains cloaked the area in shade.
It couldn’t be the orb, could it?
Stealing a panicked glance at Shrep, who looked at me quizzically in return, I tried to shape my nasal voice into discernible words as I ventured, “Do you see that?”
“Sorry, I couldn’t quite understand what you were saying,” Shrep mumbled, averting her gaze.
“Never mind. I think it was the sun,” I amended. By then, it didn’t matter anyway because the orb had vanished.
Now it’s 6 a.m., and the golden orb again pulses at the edge of my cot. My skin tingles as the feeling of a reckoning crawls up my spine, and I can’t stop thinking about fading into nothing. Will I go peacefully? Painfully? I wish feverishly that it’ll be like sleeping. Even after ten days with Guillain Barre, I can’t talk without tripping over my tongue and wanting to weep. Usually, I finish my morning cry before 6, but not today. As tendrils of rosy dawn slip into the room and the world outside my window rumbles to life, I crave answers.
My gaze snags on the orb. Strangely, the more time I spend with it, the more I remember. I know I can pass it on to others because my parents passed it on to me. Nothing else in the world leads to that golden gateway.
I turn to the orb. Answers. “I— I want to tell someone about you, but I’m scared they’ll just think I’m crazy, and I don’t want to lose the most precious friendship I have. What if she thinks I’m losing my mind? After all, I can’t even speak straight. What if this isn’t the right time?”
I swipe at my eyes.
Matilda, I can’t avoid this, can I? This orb is a covenant of faith; only through it can someone reach the golden gate. Shpresa means more to me than our friendship, and I’m running out of time.
It’s growing harder to write as the numbness in my fingers bleeds into my arms and shoulders. I might not journal for a while unless it’s important. Keep me in your prayers.
-Lai
***
Ok, this is important— very important. Shrep came around 3 pm, a whole six hours tardy, but as she burst into my room, her features radiated excitement.
“Lai, Lai, Lai,” she called, twirling over to me. “I’m sorry for being late, but I spent all day planning!”
I grinned at her. “Planning what?”
As she and a nurse helped me clamber out of bed, Shrep continued, “The hospital said I could take you outside for a special excursion! At first, I asked if we could go to the beach, but that was hours away, and then I asked if we could just go near the coast, but that was also too far, and then finally, after more grueling negotiation, we agreed that I could take you right outside the hospital! This is going to be marvelous.”
I felt giddy with the thought of going outside, and as my gaze caught a flash of the golden morning sun, I called, “Hey, Shrep?”
“What’s up?”
Anxiety struck my heart. “Never mind, actually. Sorry.”
As we hobbled outside, I breathed in the sharp air, and the crisp autumn wind brushed color into my cheeks. I didn’t want to forget a second of that day, from the swaying palm trees to the periwinkle sky. Finally, once we were settled in a cozy corner of the hospital parking lot, Shrep plopped into a small lawn chair she’d dragged along and handed me a Capri Sun from her backpack.
“I also brought chips and sandwiches,” she added, beaming.
“Shrep, this is perfect.” I smiled gratefully at my friend. “Want to pull up Wordle?”
Pausing, Shrep met my gaze briefly before looking away. “Actually, I was wondering if we could talk.”
I almost choked on my fruit punch, dizzy from both vertigo and the futile hope that squeezed my chest. “Sure! Of course! What do you have in mind?”
Wishing against all odds, I wondered if the golden orb had come to her as well.
“Uh, I’m not sure,” Shrep admitted, and my hopes plummeted. Don’t cry. “Just wanted to talk. Nothing serious, of course! Maybe school? Parents? Just getting the spirits up.” She raised her own Capri Sun as she mentioned “spirits,” and I laughed unconvincingly as I fidgeted with my drink. The Capri Sun tasted bitter.
As the azure sky faded to a bruised violet, we awkwardly threw around ideas about the shape of this cloud or the color of that palm tree. She cracked jokes that sounded more desperate than delightful, even when they revolved around the destruction of her math textbook. I listened carefully but failed to chuckle at her quips while our perfect afternoon faded into stale dusk. Shrep wanted to re-attain the heady wonder of our last beach trip, but her ideals of perfection were tainted. She was still running; I was still hiding.
How could I convince Shrep to stop running?
As certainty crept into my thoughts, my heart started pounding. I couldn’t force my friend to stop fleeing, but I could stop stalling.
“Hey, Shrep?”
She turned towards me, and I caught a watery glint in her eye before the darkening twilight swallowed her features. “Yeah?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but made no sound. “I–” Pause. “I wanted to tell you–”
“Lai.” Shrep took my hand in hers and met my gaze, her dark eyes shining like stars. “You can tell me anything.”
I choked back a laugh and nodded, but before I could continue, I felt a lump in my hospital gown pocket. Trembling, my fingers reached in before pulling out the golden orb.
Photo credit: https://pixabay.com/photos/highway-city-cars-traffic-road-7213206/