Live online classes. Something many homeschoolers are familiar with and not only an opportunity to learn, but to make friends as well. Of course, there are forums and chat platforms to explore as well. I have actually discovered that it is far easier for me to communicate via online chatting than in person. In some ways, the Internet has helped me to find my own personality.
Since I was young, I have had a hard time socializing with peers my age. The strange thing is that I am generally quite adept at talking to people younger than me and especially good at talking to adults. As most of you probably don’t know, this is only my second year homeschooling, meaning that I grew up in public schools. And hilariously, as far as I can remember, the majority of my actual conversations were held with teachers. I kid you not, I loved talking to teachers. I am aware that most normal children are terrified of teachers and only hang out with their friends. Obviously, I had that phase as well. But after my mom forced me to talk to random adults a number of times, I got over it and ended up enjoying it immensely. Classmates were a whole other story.
I was able to make friends with some people, but it generally didn’t last. I remember quite clearly there was one girl who I was friends with for about two weeks before I screwed up and ended up being alone again. I was just super awkward, not expressive, not understanding of boundaries for the most part, and to be honest oblivious to what other people were feeling or thinking. Around eighth grade that changed and I slowly became much more aware of what was going on around me. This just made me more self-conscious, and I started just floating through school and pretending I was fine. I basically started assuming that nobody really wanted to talk to me or get involved with me as long as I could feel (or think I could feel) the slightest hint of impatience or disinterest. Interestingly, thinking back on it, while a lot of times my intuitions were correct, the vast majority of people were never that hard to approach in the first place. What I should have done instead was work on finding myself and, as they say, “find my people”. I tried so hard to fit with everyone else that I forgot about myself!
This changed after I started homeschooling and making friends with people in live classes, especially in the past year. Probably my greatest discovery was that my ability to express myself in writing is far better than my ability to express myself in speaking. Through various situations involving chats, I was able to find my personality and be uniquely me. I believe that knowing the person on the other side can’t see me melted most of my anxiety and self-consciousness away and boosted my confidence in myself to some extent.
Of course, the major downside is that those online are “those unmet”. I often wish I could meet everyone in my English class and you, my dear audience. I can assure you all that reading your comments is always a huge encouragement for me. Also, shoutout to my English classmates and Mrs. Jourlait as well, for reading my articles and holding awesome discussions in class. Knowing that I will most likely never see any of you saddens me, but it’s worth it. I value most all relationships no matter the distance. And as this will be clay’s last month in publication, I bid you, my dear online audience and friends, adieu.
Picture Credit: https://www.istockphoto.com/video/silhouette-of-man-leaving-dark-room-gm183931107-27718427