[Author’s Note: For those of wondering, Jonah is the taller guy in the picture. As hilarious as it would be, Jonah is not, in fact, a toddler.]
Joshua: Greetings, readers, and welcome back to the Guys Spotlight Column! This month, I have the pleasure of welcoming the king of TPS Forums himself to my office, all the way from Maryland no less. So without further ado, please welcome Josiah Borger!
Jonah: It’s Jonah.
Joshua: (dies inside) Please welcome Jonah Borger!
Jonah: Dude, who are you talking to? We’re the only ones here.
Joshua: I’m talking to the readers!
Jonah: (confused) Isn’t this a magazine article? Can’t you just write the intro later instead of saying it to, well, me?
Joshua: (facepalms) Let’s just get started. Tell us some basics about yourself: how old are you and what grade are you in?
Jonah: Right, um… I’m 15 and I’m in 10th grade.
Joshua: Nice. Next question, what classes are you taking with TPS and how many years have you been with the school?
Jonah: This will be my 4th year, and I’m taking Algebra 2, Bible Survey, Chinese 2, Spanish 1, Python, and MRR History, Lit, and Comp.
[Author’s Note: Course names have been shortened because word limits are a thing that exists]
Joshua: Sounds like quite the workload.
Jonah: You haven’t really experienced TPS until you’re taking four classes on the same day… (shivers involuntarily)
Joshua: So how do you find time to post on Forums so much with all those classes?
Jonah: (smirks) Procrastination, obviously.
Joshua: Right, I should have known.
Jonah: It takes real skill to procrastinate this much. At one point I was probably posting on Forums for 7-8 hours a day. I’ve racked up about 23,000 posts in the past 8 months, and my personal record is 2,000 in a single week. It took me more than 5 months of posting so much to finally pass Micah for good, exactly 126 days, 15 hours, and 1 minute after last @ejo passed him. Yes, I counted.
[Author’s Note: For those of you who have no idea what we’re talking about, TPS Forums allows you to track how many times you and other users have posted. For a long time, my brother Micah reigned as the undisputed king of Forums (i.e., the user with the most posts). He was briefly surpassed by user @ejo at the beginning of this year before regaining his title. Shortly afterwards, Jonah caught up to him and the two went back and forth for several months before Jonah pulled ahead somewhat. At the moment I upload this, Jonah leads the race with 28,155 posts to Micah’s 24,370.]
Joshua: And I thought Micah was crazy… Anyway, on the rare occasions that you aren’t doing homework or posting on Forums, do you have anything else you like doing?
Jonah: I enjoy drawing and occasionally writing poetry. And video games, of course.
Joshua: Naturally. Next question, how many siblings do you have? I’ve seen one or two other Borgers on Forums, are they the only ones?
Jonah: (chuckles) Not even close. I have four sisters and four brothers, and I’m right in the middle of all of them as the fifth of nine kids.
Joshua: Sounds like the fun never stops at your place.
Jonah: You have no idea…
Joshua: Moving on, what’s your favorite food?
Jonah: Ketchup. Definitely Ketchup.
Joshua: And what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Jonah: I dropped a Cheez-it in ketchup once. I guess that was pretty weird. Wasn’t bad though.
Joshua: So one food is the answer to both questions… Haven’t seen that before.
Jonah: What can I say? I love ketchup. My life is ketchup.
Joshua: Ok then… do you have any pets?
Jonah: I don’t, but my older brother and sister have two rabbits.
Joshua: Like, they both have two rabbits?
Jonah: No, there’s only two rabbits, they’re kind of co-owners of both, I guess? It’s kind of weird.
Joshua: So rabbit communism.
Jonah: Exactly.
Joshua: Sweet. Final question, what’s your favorite bible verse and why?
Jonah: Probably John 15:13: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” It’s a verse that says just how much Jesus loves us because He came down from heaven to die for us.
Joshua: That’s awesome! I think that’s all I have for you. Thanks for coming out for the interview.
Jonah: No problem…
Micah: (walks into the room) You!
Jonah: You!
Joshua: Oh boy…
Micah: Wait… if you’re here… at our house… not at your computer… then that means…
Joshua: What? What does it mean?
Micah: I gotta get posting! (runs out of the room)
Jonah: That’s my cue to leave. Can’t let him catch up, you know?
Joshua: Of course. Best of luck to you, Jonah!