Archibald Asparagus [narrating]:
nd now it’s time for Silly Songs with Larry—the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings…a silly song.
Today, Larry celebrates the end of the school year with the construction of an extraordinary puppet.
*cue sparkly ‘80s rock ballad music*
Larry: It all started when I visited my Great Aunt Ruth last weekend, and she showed me a little camel bead puppet that could fall over when you pushed a button underneath it. Well, I thought that was just the coolest thing, so when I got home, I decided to make myself a collapsing puppet just like it!
My schoolhouse polka days are finally past,
And puppet-making time has come at last,
So I’ll get out my hot glue, beads, and string
To make this falling-over wooden puppet thing!
It’ll be just like my auntie’s, and resemble a wooden camel—
[Larry begins to sketch out a design]
Though I sometimes wonder why it looked like such a random mammal, yeeeaaah!
[from offstage]: Verily, it doth perplex me also!
Archibald [narrating]: To Larry’s surprise, a bejeweled monarch enters the scene. Shocked and slightly creeped out at the sight of an anthropomorphic cucumber, King Arthur regains his composure and offers Larry some constructive criticism.
*music resumes, this time medieval*
Arthur:
Wherefore sculptest thou a likeness of that lowly brute?
Wouldst not making a noble steed be a far worthier pursuit?
Larry: Who are you? And what’s wrong with camels?
Arthur: Ignorant Vegetable!
Dost thou not recognize on sight the greatest king of Britain?
Mark me, I dwell’st in Camel-lot, and songs about those beasts are best rewritten!
Larry: Oh. Well, if you insist. I guess horses are easier, anyway.
To maaaake this lovely puppet horsey, I’ve gotta first glue the pedestal together,
Then I’ll tie all my string around this this round metal ring, making sure each one’s properly tethered—
Archibald: Larry is now interrupted by an oddly proportioned Norseman.
Fishlegs: You should really include a materials list so readers can follow along with what you’re doing.
Larry [to Fishlegs]: Oh, hi Pa Grape! Great idea about the materials list…but what are you doing in that old Viking costume? That was for the Christmas silly song, remember?
And I’m all out of cookies, if that’s why you’re here.
Fishlegs: Huh?
Larry:
Bamboo Straws and Wooden beads
Are most of what this puppet needs
We’ll use a saw, a Sharpie too,
A glue gun with three sticks of glue,
Some rubber bands, 2 feet of string
A hollow, cylinder-shaped thing—
Like a shallow cup or a big bottle cap—
I doubt we’ll need much more than that.
Once I’ve got all the materials I neeeeed
I can finally start to make the Horse’s feeeeeet
First off, I’ll saw a wooden bead in two
And then—
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Then, you use a high-speed rotary tool!
Larry: A what?
Bunsen: Oh, ahem. Bunsen Honeydew of Muppet Labs here with my brand-new rotary tool. Use it for drilling, filing, or in this case, carving your horse hooves with this circular saw attachment!
Larry, Fishlegs, and Arthur [together]: Ooooh!
Larry:
Now that the hooves are all glued on,
I’ll find those beads—wait, where’ve they gone?!
Scrooge McDuck: Forget beads, no need to be extravagant!
Show some economic tact and use your fancy rotary tool
To saw apart these bamboo straws—For horse legs they’ll look just as cool!
Larry: Hey, that might work!
—Also, I think I’ll need thicker string… [to a shadowy figure in the corner]: Hey, could you throw me that string over there?
Inigo Montoya: It’s true I have some rope here, but I do not think you would accept my help since I am only waiting around to eat you.
Larry: Whoa, that’s dark. Um,
*music begins to speed up*
Now that we’ve cut the bamboo beads, the legs are all ready to thread
And after that we’ll start to make the horse’s body and its head!
Calvin: Hey, is that thing supposed to be a horse??? Where’s your sense of creativity? You could have made a tiger instead!
Larry: … And then we—
Hey, where are all of you COMING from?
Loki: Honestly, I was about to ask you that! I’m just as flabbergasted as…what kind of Loki variant even are you? I mean, I get the green and the two syllable name, but in what reality is Asgard a kitchen counter? It doesn’t make any—
William Shakespeare: How nice a scene of disarray this is! What be this place, and whence came such a crowd?
*music screeches to a halt*
[Archibald rushes on scene]
Archibald: Terrific! Splendid! Unbelievable! The artistry of your performance has brought tears to my eyes! I never dreamed I’d witness such a display of talent and cultivation on VeggieTales! This is truly an historic moment for the show, for the entire film industry! I must confess, Larry, I’ve doubted your genius in the past, but I was wrong to do so, and it shall not happen again, let me tell you!
Alright, good show everybody. Let’s do one more take, everyone back to your places. And, from the top—
…
Wait a minute, where did everyone go?
[narrating]: This has been Silly Songs with Larry. Tune in next time to hear Larry say,
Larry: “Uh… guys? How long am I supposed to wait till the Journalist comes with our rewards? Cause I’ve been waitin’ here for a while and…no journalist”.
Photo Credits: Timothy Baker
