Humor

Strange Incidents at clay’s HQ (Part 2)

With a haughty flip of her hair, Lili turned on her heel and stalked off in the other direction, away from the speakers where the Interviewer was droning on about its magnificent plans. She knew now that there was no way she would find Sam, her editor, in the Humor Department. The Interviewer said it had kidnapped all of clay’s editors. The question was, where were they being held? Lili wasn’t sure, but, like all true heroines were supposed to, she decided to act as if she knew precisely what she was doing.

The clock was ticking, and with every late article a columnist turned in, her gummy bear salary went down by ten percent. Lili’s was already down to 70%, and she couldn’t bear (no pun intended) the slightest decrease in gummies. Reviewing the stories she knew of kidnapped victims, she guessed the editors were either trapped in the basement dungeons (yes, clay installed dungeons a few years ago to… nevermind) or on the highest floor of the skyscraper. Since she was on the first floor now, it made the most sense to check the dungeons first.

At the first exit she saw, Lili pushed open the door and walked briskly down the stairs, trying to ignore the impending gloom and the bars on the windows. Somewhere below, a gate creaked eerily, sending shivers down her spine. Stepping off the last stair, Lili’s stride faltered. Who knew what kind of creatures the Senior Editors kept down here? Results from failed science labs, escaped fictional creatures, robots turned evil… she could find anything!

Of course, Lili told herself firmly, she wasn’t scared. She was simply… cautious. And then, the most brilliant idea in history came to her. She would call Sam’s name, and if nobody responded, then obviously, Sam and the other editors weren’t there! Congratulating herself on her brilliancy, Lili yelled, “Sam! Are you there?”

“SAM! There? There? There?” Instead of a response, all she could hear were the echoes crashing back at her, along with other screeches and howls that Lili hoped were just the wind. Even if the editors had been there, Lili wouldn’t have heard them, but she didn’t care. Terrified by the results of her not-so-brilliant plan, she sprinted back up the stairs, two at a time. When the echoes finally faded, Lili slowed her pace, panting. Still inside the stairwell, Lili glanced at a screen on the wall that normally read the floor number but instead read “The Interviewer is Now Your Fabulous Editor!”

Lili’s eyes narrowed. “No, you’re not. Sam’s my fabulous editor.”

She left the stairwell in search of an elevator to go to the top floor, the other likely place to find the editors. The elevator wasn’t too hard to find, and it arrived the moment she pressed the button. The inside was rather confusing. The contraption could go sideways as well as up and down, so every wall was covered with buttons. After careful scrutiny of the walls for two minutes, Lili located the button for the highest floor.

As the doors closed, Lili breathed a sigh of relief. Having no desire to return to the basement, she convinced herself that the editors would definitely be on the top floor, and then she could save the day! The elevator moved surprisingly smoothly, even as it swerved from side to side on its journey. “I’ll be up there in no time at all!” Lili announced confidently.

But then, horror of horrors, other buttons started lighting up too, blossoming down from the top button. The elevator began to stop on every single floor!

Lili tried in vain to click the buttons again to unlight them, but to no avail. There were at least a couple hundred buttons in that elevator, and she didn’t have time to stop at every place. This glitch seemed suspiciously targeted, especially since it hadn’t started until she pressed the highest floor. She glanced at her watch. There were only 41 minutes left until the deadline for her article. Her gummy bears were at stake! And, secondarily, the lives of the editors might be in jeopardy too. The next time the doors opened, she exited the elevator and went back to the stairwell, shooting a glare at the Interviewer’s propaganda sign. It would be a long hike up, but at least the Interviewer’s interference in the elevator was proof that the editors would be at the top.

Thoroughly breathless and having flashbacks of her trip to the Avengers Tower, Lili at last arrived on the 100th floor. Her muscles screamed in protest, but she managed to stagger over to a barricaded door that read “Senior Dictators.” With a key she found hanging on a peg right next to it, Lili unlocked the door, gloating at the Interviewer’s forgetfulness.

The doors swung open, and with a cry of surprise, she saw Sam just inside the doorway, in the middle of reaching for the doorknob. All the other editors were behind her, some of them shaking ropes off their wrists.

“Sam, what happened?” Lili asked.

“What does it look like? I’m rescuing us.”

“But… I’m rescuing you.”

“You’re a little late. I found a nail on the floor and used it to cut us free.” Sam held up her rusty nail.

“Oh, that’s nice.” Lili tried to manage a smile at the person who had stolen the glory of her rescue mission. “Well, I opened the door for you.”

“Thank you. Also, I hope you have your article. It is… 12:01 right now.”

Lili handed over her article, which had, miraculously, survived her entire ordeal.

“It’s a minute late, but I think I can make allowances this time, since I was kidnapped, and you couldn’t find me. You’ll receive your usual salary of gummy bears at the end of this month.”

“Phew. I bet Timothy’s and Ava’s articles will be even later.”

“Oh, no. They turned theirs in yesterday.”

Lili groaned. “Am I the only one who turns in articles at the last minute?”

“Doubtful. We’re not called The Procrastinator’s School for no reason.”

Laughing, Lili said, “You’re the best, Sam.”

From the tide of editors hurrying away to find their columnists, Misa and Dianna frowned at Lili, glancing pointedly at the door.

“Sorry…” she apologized sheepishly.

Just then, the Interviewer’s voice sounded over the loudspeakers. “Greetings, my loyal clay subjects. As you may have realized, I am now clay’s sole editor. I am the ultimate dictator. I expect all of your articles on my desk when I return. However, I now need to conduct the last phase of my grand masterplan of world domina–uh, nothing. Anyways, farewell, and expect my return soon!”

Lili turned to Sam. “That’s… sinister.”

“Well, the Interviewer’s Miguel’s problem now. Let’s go work on your article.”

Together, they took the elevator back down to the Humor Department to add the finishing touches to Lili’s final (and best!) article for clay.

 

 

Photo Credits: https://www.wlwt.com/article/man-charged-after-daughter-eats-thc-laced-gummy-bear/9134398

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