Humor

Green Grass and Grumpy Groundhogs

February: a month of love, of valentines, of sweets, and, best of all, groundhogs! Let’s be honest here: nobody really cares about Valentine’s Day, right? The thing we all really get excited for is Groundhog Day! Or is that just me?

         Regardless, this month we’ll be discussing the origins of this incredible art of telling the future with a rodent’s shadow. (I had to sneak art in here somewhere, ok?)

         You may be surprised to learn that this holiday actually has Christian roots. Along with Mayday and Halloween, it’s a cross-quarter day: a day that falls evenly between a solstice and an equinox. These days held special importance for the people groups scattered throughout Europe around the 11th century AD, the people we now know as the Celts, who celebrated a holiday known as Imbolc during the second month of the year.  Christians celebrated the start of spring on this day with a feast.

         Now here is where I have a choice: I could tell you the long and boring history of Groundhog Day and the way it actually evolved, or I could tell you the 100% true, humor-column-approved conspiracy theory version. Take a wild guess as to which one I’m going to choose.

         The ancient Celts who founded this holiday were obviously optimists; I mean, how else could you possibly celebrate the beginning of spring on February 2nd? That’s practically still the dead of winter. As we all know, optimists are people who think the grass is greener right where they are, but in the dead of winter, no grass is green at all! So the obvious deduction is that optimists are people who paint their grass green, but if they had to spend that much money on buying green paint, they wouldn’t have enough money for food. So what do they do then? Paint pictures of food! (Don’t we all do that when we’re hungry? Oh that’s only me? Ok….) Anyway, all these paintings of food sitting around would of course attract hungry animals who are duped into thinking that it’s real food, and some of these animals are *drumroll* groundhogs!! So right there, my friends, is the bizarre conspiracy-theory version of this holiday.

         This definitely-true theory has grave implications for the future of America.  Just think about it: we’ve been celebrating groundhog’s day wrong this entire time!  For centuries we’ve been told that this holiday is about predicting winter or spring, but this is a LIE!  This holiday only came about because of people painting pictures… which is exactly why this is the perfect topic for an art column!  (See, I told you I’d sneak art in here somewhere.)  Groundhog’s day has nothing to do with predicting the weather; secretly, it’s a day for artists *very firm nod.*  If the groundhog sees its shadow, it means six more weeks of art block, and if he doesn’t, you’ll find yourself drawing and painting profusely.

         As a concerned artist, this groundhog’s day you’ll want to make sure you have the most accurate information possible, and surprisingly, this doesn’t come from the famed Punxsutawney Phil. According to my extremely accurate sources, the groundhog from Punxsutawney is only right 50% of the time. Staten Island Chuck, on the other hand, is correct a whopping 80% of the time. Unfortunately, he is dead. Or is he?

         During the infamous 2014 ceremony, the New York Mayor dropped the groundhog, and several months later the unfortunate creature passed away due to internal injuries. But the plot thickens. Later the Staten Island Zoo revealed that the groundhog used during the ceremony was not in fact Chuck, but Charlotte, a stand-in.

         Whichever way the shadow falls this groundhog’s day, I hope you’ve learned something interesting about this unique holiday– and remember, if you find yourself overly optimistic about the greenness of your grass, you might just end up becoming the founder of another holiday just as bizarre as this article.

 

 

Knudson, Annalise. “Groundhog Day 2020: How Did Staten Island Chuck Die?” Silive, https://www.silive.com/news/2020/01/groundhog-day-2020-how-did-staten-island-chuck-die.html

Winick, Stephen. “Groundhog Day: Ancient Origins of a Modern Celebration.” https://blogs.loc.gov/folklife/2022/02/groundhog-day-ancient-origins-of-a-modern-celebration/

“Groundhog Day: History and Facts.” History, https://www.history.com/news/groundhog-day-history-and-facts

 

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