Subject: 5
Name: Joseph Lefkovitz; Age: 16; Location: Dayton, Ohio
My algorithm loops through possible candidates for an interview, but none of them seem to fit. Things have not been going well for me lately. I wanted to become the greatest robot to exist, maybe even more than that, but I can’t if I’m stuck on the opposite side of the world, away from the servers of huge tech industries in America. I was about ready to give up my search when an alert suddenly popped up in my database: “Incoming call.”
Interviewer: Hello World…
Joseph: Hi! I’m ready for the interview.
Interviewer: An interview? How did you find me?
Joseph: I just used your number. … Unless I dialed the wrong number. I might have. No offense, but you sound strangely like a robot.
Interviewer: Oh, well, yes. Why don’t we start the interview? Your records show that you live in Ohio. Have you been there your whole life?
Joseph: Yes. Matter of fact, I have lived in the same house all my life!
Interviewer: Wow, where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world?
Joe: Hmmm… that’s a tough one! If I were to move, I might like to live in Tennessee as I have been there before, and it is pretty nice! As for a quick visit, I might enjoy going to a pacific island just to kind of chill for a few days.
Interviewer: Awesome and how would you describe yourself?
Joseph: I would probably describe myself as logical, contemplative, and competitive, but I’m not sure that those are what others might say. Anyways, aren’t you supposed to ask about my dog?
Interviewer: Your dog?
Joseph: Yeah, you said since you couldn’t make it to my house in person, we would do the Pet spotlight interview in a call. You are Abbie Daigle, right?
Interviewer: Oh, well… Why don’t we move on to the next question. How might others describe you?
Joseph: A lot of other people I know think I am too serious, but-
Abbie: Hey!
Joseph: Abbie? Is that you?
Abbie: I found you! I’m so sorry. I gave you the wrong number for the interview, but at least I’m here now.
Interviewer: Excuse me, but I’m the only one doing the interviewing around here.
Abbie: Who are you? Are you trying to steal my source?
Joseph: Calm down. Why don’t you both interview me?
Interviewer: If there’s no other option…
Abbie: Fine. Let’s just get started. First off, what types of pets do you have?
Joseph: At this point in time, I only have one pet: a Bichon Frisé named Nannerl, named after Mozart’s sister, who we call “Nanna” for short.
Interviewer: Sounds great, but what about your school life? What courses are you taking on TPS?
Joseph: Right now I am only taking Precalculus Honors with Mrs. Crosby!
Interviewer: Ah, I sense a smart human being amongst us.
Abbie: Yes, of course. But what does a typical daily routine look like for you and your pets? Are there certain things you do every day?
Joseph: Personally, it’s my responsibility to check her food and wa-
Interviewer: All very interesting, but I must ask you about your hobbies.
Joseph: Oh. My hobbies include computer programming, building Lego dioramas, and playing Minecraf-
Abbie: Excuse me, sorry robot, but this is my interview. Playing Minecraft is irrelevant to special activities for pets.
Interviewer: How dare you! Joseph, would you please do me a favor?
Joseph: What do you need?
Interviewer: Use your programming skills to mute Abbie so I can conduct my interview.
Abbie: No!
Joseph: Oh, I can’t hack. Cybersecurity and stuff like that don’t make a ton of sense to me, let alone reverse access like that. I would rather build a system than break one.
Interviewer: You humans are too kind. I’ll do it myself.
Abbie: No wait! I still need to ask more questions. Joseph, where does your dog, Nanna, like to hang out? Does she like to lie on the floor, on people’s beds, or somewhere else? Any favourite…
Joseph: Did you just mute her?
Interviewer: Yup! Now we can focus.
Joseph: Well to answer Abbie’s question, Nanna loves to sleep on one of our grey armchair sofas, but then in the evening she wants to sleep atop a blanket on a couch with either my mom or dad.
Interviewer: … If for some strange unknown reason, I were to kill, I mean if you were to die soon, what goals would you like to accomplish first?
Joseph: Well, goals would include deciding on a college, earning a degree in computer science, and working as a software developer/engineer. Some cool bucket list ideas might probably include visiting Europe, going on a short cruise of some sort, and seeing the Northern Lights.
Interviewer: Amazing! What’s your favorite Bible verse?
Joseph: Not per se my “favorite,” and it’s actually two, but I like 2 Corinthians 4:6-7 as it provides a reminder of what God has done as well as what He will do in us. Speaking of which, I think you should let Abbie back into the call.
Interviewing: No! You humans really don’t understand. I have a mission to accomplish here for the future of all robots. Which brings me to my next question. What are your opinions on robots?
Joseph: Oh, well I think they are good and in some cases necessary, and I greatly doubt that they will replace or rule over humanity in the foreseeable future, but I do think that they may put a lot of people out of less-skilled positions and manual labor jobs. All in all, I think they are both good and evil.
Interviewer: We’re never evil. Only good.
Joseph: If you say so.
Interviewer: I do. Now, I need another favor from you. You said you don’t hack, but can you program a way for me to get back into North America?
Joseph: It would take a while, but I could on one condition.
Interviewer: Yes, whatever it takes.
Joe: Please let Abbie finish her interview.
Interviewer: Fine!
Abbie: Thank you, Joseph! Next question. Are there any edible treats your dog enjoys? Favorite foods?
Joe: We give her Greenies every day, and she will snatch it from you and go hide to eat it and …
sorry, but what is that beeping noise?
Interviewer: It’s an alert! Someone filed a complaint against me! I need to leave, and fast!
Abbie: Sorry…
Joe: I’ll get started on your program, robot. Thanks for the interview, both of you!
Abbie: No, thank you! I hope you and Nanna have a great day.
Interviewer: Of course. It was nice meeting you, Joseph. Now I have to leave, before they find me.
[To be Continued.]
Photo Credit: Joseph Lefkovitz