~Remembrance (September 4-5)~
[September 4]
Hi, Journal That I Bought Two For One At Walmart. Shrep here. First of all, I have a confession. I’m an aspiring writer, but that doesn’t mean I keep a diary like Lai does. I mean, she’s encouraged me to journal, but I never saw any real value in it until now. Why the change of heart? Basically, I’m writing cuz’ I’m stuck on a final project and can’t seem to translate my thoughts into prose so I’m sorta free-associating in print.
There’s no significant inciting incident to mark our friendship. We went to second grade together and have stayed together ever since, fighting tooth and claw to attend the same school. Lai is just there for me, you know? I’m eternally grateful.
…
Fine. I give up. I’ll use the journal prompts even though they provide trite recollection and little insight. *clears throat* aHem. Alright, first one:
Day 1~ What was your favorite memory with them?
If I had to pick one perfect memory with her, I’d pick our beach trip three years ago. Contrary to what I had imagined, a graveyard of plastic bottles and skeletal junk lay embedded in the sand that blustery Sunday afternoon. Murky cobalt waves rose and collapsed in crashes of foam, whispering along the shore.
Crash! The heartbeat pounded onwards.
We sat underneath billowing grey skies, shivering underneath our picnic blanket. Having forsaken the weather app in the name of adventure, Amanda and I huddled under the mercy of the winds while Lai graciously lent us her hoodie as a second blanket (she’d checked the app).
We talked about a lot of things that day: Christmas break, how sixth grade was going, parents. Amanda asked after our romantic lives (per usual), and we left her disappointed (per usual). We ate sandwiches and chips and guzzled Capri Suns. The pulse of our conversation ebbed and flowed like the tide, and our breaths mixed with the shrill wind.
That day, I discovered Amanda loved J.R.R.Tolkien, ancient Chinese poems, and Indiana Jones. People look less scary huddled underneath their niece’s sweatshirt, and sometimes they feel less obliged to look scary, too. Amanda opened up— she bloomed. Meanwhile, I went off on a few of my customary rants, the ones that always end with the obliteration of my math textbook, and Lai listened intently to our conversations.
There was just some perfect ingredient in the atmosphere. I wish I could recapture it one last time before Lai goes.
Day 2~ What did you love most about them?
I can’t imagine needing only one of these prompts per day. Also, why don’t we have a least favorite trait? Sometimes the two are inextricably entwined. It’s important to see all of someone, isn’t it? Even though I love Lai for many reasons, this prompt insults my mild intelligence. Skip.
Day 3~ What did you love least about them?
Hm. Well color me pleasantly surprised. I guess I’ll answer both two and three in one fell swoop:
I asked Lai, when her symptoms first started, what she thought about possibly dying. She just shook her head, opened her mouth, averted her gaze.
“I just… don’t know,” Lai finally answered, her wet eyes never meeting mine. Sigurishtë,* I started tearing up, and then she hugged me tightly and we just sat there for a while. Next morning, I’d take her to the hospital.
Lai’s reserve saves her from lashing out at those around her, but sometimes, she won’t tell someone what they need to hear in order to spare them pain. These past few days, she’s been especially distant. Something entangles her soul, and I have no idea what. Lai seems content, almost, yet also floundering in agony. Then again, what should I expect of a fourteen-year-old trapped in the withering body of a grandmother? Trying to shield me from her own sorrows, Lai sends my thoughts plummeting down an endless well. Her aunt has the same problem. Oh dear.
Well, it’s nine now. Time to check on Lai; I’ll be back.
Shpresa Sinani
***
[September 5]
Dear Matilda,
I no longer tease Shrep about not attending school. The hospital is her new academy, and every day, she arrives to learn about my health. Though Shrep usually has to leave by nine, she’ll haunt the chair next to my cot as long as the hospital staff take pity on her.
Shortly after Shrep left, Mom called. Instinctively, I reached for my phone, but then I remembered my difficulty speaking. Mom wouldn’t mind if I texted her instead, right? Still, what type of daughter refused to call her mom? Yet what type of mom wanted to hear her daughter like this? Guilt squeezing my heart, I drew my hand away.
Lai Lai: Hi, Mom! Sorry for missing your call. How’re you doing?
Mom: hi, bao bei!!** im doing well, you?
Lai Lai: Likewise! How’s Antarctica?
Mom: vv swag. we’re trying to get back asap, but the weather has other plans. we should be back in a week, though.
Lai Lai: Sounds good!
My fingers almost failed me when I forced them to text another question:
Lai Lai: Quick q: do you remember my golden orb?
Mom: ofc! I thought you’d lost it
Lai Lai: Well, I did, but I found it a couple of nights ago. This is going to sound strange, but I think the orb never left me. Being sick just helped me find it again.
Mom: that’s not strange at all, sweetie. it’s wonderful.
Lai Lai: The orb is why I don’t have to be scared… right?
Mom: right!!! I gtg now, but I’ll be back. I love you so much, and I’m so proud of you
Lai Lai: I love you too, Mom.
*sigurishtë is an Albanian word meaning “of course”
**bao bei is a Chinese term of endearment that means “precious” or “baby”
Photo credit: https://pixabay.com/photos/beach-pollution-environment-garbage-6792164/