Hello, and Merry Christmas from McDuck Manor to all you young spendthrifts at the Potter’s School! Thanks to a maniac journalist, you all get to learn how to make these quaint little Christmas tree ornaments out of folded banknotes, and I get to reclaim several million dollars I thought I would never be able to use.
Ah, the unexpected joys of the holiday season.
I bet you’re all itching to know what such a frugal duck like myself is doing wasting paper money to make these trinkets. Well, you have good reason to because I would obviously never do such a thing unless it meant more money for me, but an even BETTER question would be: why am I wasting my time writing this tutorial in the first place?
Well, last week, I found another member of my incurably obnoxious fan base who’d found his way to my house, and naturally, I told him to leave me alone and go away and not come annoying me for autographs and handouts just because I was the richest duck in the world. Then, I slammed the door in his face.
The problem was, he just kept waiting outside my front door until he began turning blue, and I was afraid he might freeze in the sub-zero temperatures outside.
When I finally let him in, he asked me, of all things, to write him a magazine article!
Before I crushed his hopes, I had to ask where he came from, flabbergasted as I was that he had discovered my whereabouts. That was how I realized that he could help solve one of my biggest financial mix-ups ever.
My troubles started when I traveled to Mongolia for a dinosaur hunting expedition. My quest turned out to be a failure as dinosaurs are very fast and all but impossible to catch, but I did manage to dig up a few dinosaur bones, which are fortunately very valuable as well.
The only problem was that I sold them for thirty million dollars’ worth of Mongolian Tugrik.
This was a problem because Tugrik isn’t a popular currency to exchange as coins in this currency don’t exist, and the largest banknote is worth six dollars.
Needless to say, I haven’t been able to use this money ever since, which has bothered me a lot.
The journalist, however, happened to live in Mongolia and knows plenty of people who would be happy to exchange the money for something more useful.
And so, I’m delighted to introduce you to my Sixty Tugrik Christmas Ornaments!
These were originally a feeble attempt at doing something useful with my pile of unwanted cash, but an entire Christmas tree’s worth of cubes didn’t even use up one a single bundle, so I gave up. Fortunately, they were exactly what the journalist wanted.
Speaking of which, asking other people to write an article for him feels a lot like plagiarism to me, but with the promise of so much gold, I can overlook that trifling fact.
Now, just because I’m the richest duck in the world doesn’t mean that these aren’t a disgraceful waste of time and money, but since you’ve probably wasted most of your capital this season on gifts for others anyway (I can’t understand why people hold such extravagant traditions), then why not go the whole hog and waste some more.
Well, the materials for this project are very simple: all you need is a bit of string and alternately six banknotes that are worth VERY little or else six very valuable banknotes and a complete lack of thrift.
Each banknote, if you fold it the right way, will form one side of a cube.
First off, you’ll need to fold your first banknote in half. Don’t worry if this creases it a little, you can always iron it flat again later.
Then, you fold the square in half again to make a crease in the center, and then fold the two sides in to that crease. Now, you should have a rectangle with two flaps on either side, like the a pair of double doors:
Next, fold the opposite corners in once more, but this time, fold them diagonally into a diamond shape like in the picture shows.
After that, you have to nest all four corners into each other like you might do with the flaps on a cardboard box…except I suppose none of you young folks know what those are any more. Fold in the corners like a… like a… oh, just look up what a cardboard box is if you don’t know! Or just look at the pictures again.
And last of all, fold the corners of the resulting shape inwards, leaving a square with an X of folded-over edges stretching to the corners and two triangle-shaped tabs on opposite ends.
Whew, my fingers are getting tired. If yours are too, just be thankful you can spend these idle minutes making such a useless trinket. When I was your age, they didn’t even make banknotes, and I had to use mountains of coins to make Christmas decorations. You kids have it too easy these days.
Let me see, now, where was I? Oh yes, after you finish making one of these, begin all over again and make five more. I made my three grand-nephews fold the other sides, so I don’t have to! Well, while you readers subject yourselves to that grueling task, I’ll go for a swim in my three cubic acres of cash.
•••
Well, I hope you’ve finished, because I’ve just about had enough of paper money for today.
As I dove into my money bin just now, I got an AWFUL paper cut from a pile of hundred-dollar bills.
I’m very glad there’s no serious folding left to do, or else I’d give up right now, but as it is, I think I’ll manage alright with a bandaged thumb.
To combine the pieces into a cube, slip each tab into one of the little pockets in the square-shaped part of another side until each piece is connected to two others.
Once the cube is finished, cut a small length of your string and knot its ends together to make a loop. Then, unfasten one side of the cube and put the knotted end of the looped string inside. Finally, reconstruct the cube with the knot, and your Christmas ornament is finished!
Well, I hope you like your new Christmas ornament! I also hope you used all-but-worthless bills to make it, otherwise you would have been horribly wasteful. Actually, I really don’t care what you do with your money unless you unwisely decide to visit my house and pester me like that journalist! Unless, like him, you know somebody who can use any other obscure currencies.
Photo Credits: Timothy Baker
Cover photo: https://www.coverbrowser.com/covers/uncle-scrooge#i24