Greetings and welcome back to The Royal Mini-Guide, your source of royal advice. This February we bring you our latest article: Finding the Right Royal Date!
That’s right, check your calendars, princes and princesses– you know what day is coming up! This month, in honor of everyone’s favorite romantic holiday, we’re going to delve into the world of chocolate hearts and flimsy, heart-shaped paper cut-outs. You know it, you love it—Valentines’ Day!
Well…
Alright, we admit it—we’re kidding. The first day of February has barely passed before we’re up to our necks in Stall-Mart rose bouquets and tidal waves of pink– and we know you share our complaints. Fortunately for you, we at The Royal Mini-Guide are here to provide answers to your questions, solutions to your problems, and relief from your common royal grievances. And this month, that includes acknowledging but completely bypassing the overbearing worldwide holiday we know so well as Valentines’ Day in favor of taking a look at some of the underrated, overlooked holidays of the month of February!
Editor’s note: Although many of our writers were eager to include Chinese New Year in this month’s article, due to some unfortunate difficulty acquiring visas to enter the country, we’ll have to reflect a bit more before we can make an article out of this holiday. (Though we’d love for you to write to us and give us your take on this festive two-week celebration.) Now, let’s get down to business!
2- Groundhog Day; Hedgehog Day
In celebration of this day, we’re giving a hearty nod to all the loyal, iconic critter companions of the princes and princesses we so admire. We know your plight is a great one– perhaps you take after Abu, and you risk your life for your diamond-in-the-rough friend only to wind up with nothing but a tiger for a roommate. Or maybe you’re in a Fairy Godmother Fix, where no one’s quite sure what you’re classified as, so you get lumped in with the unnamed woodland creatures who accompany our favorite royals’ musical numbers. Well, we see you, sidekick, and we appreciate everything you’ve done!
3- National Missing Persons Day
In honor of this day, we’re going to pick one of critics’ favorite alleged princess plot holes and demonstrate how this happily ever after actually makes perfect sense.
Imagine this: it’s the night of your twenty-first birthday and you’re dancing with the girl of your dreams, wondering if anyone’s eyes can naturally be that bright of a blue or if those are just contacts– it really is true love. But somehow, the moment she’s gone, you immediately forget everything about her and find yourself putting a shoe on every girl in the kingdom, trying to relocate your–forgive our pun– sole mate. Plot hole? We think not. According to several studies, short-term memory loss can be triggered by a lack of oxygen flow to the brain. So while Prince Charming’s four-hour duet with Cinderella serves as a good warning to those of you with opera-singing aspirations, it also nicely explains this prince’s forgetfulness (especially when combined with the euphoria of staying up several hours past his normal bedtime).
And, in the spirit of diversity, we’re going to throw a quick tip out to you evil sorcerers and sorceresses– remember, should you choose to celebrate this holiday, you’ll want to have a location pre-selected for putting your hostage. Mother Gothel learned the hard way that keeping your hostage in your living quarters quickly becomes tiresome. It’s almost like raising children! Don’t make the same mistake. You’ll also need to go through the process of acquiring a Permit of Revenge-Taking, with a good five-to-seven-business-day-wait in between steps. (See our last article for more details.)
[Not satire: I’m aware that many people do actually have friends or family members missing– and I offer my sincerest sympathies. I hope I don’t appear callous in using this day for comedic purposes and will continue to keep missing persons in my prayers.}
19- National Mint Chocolate Day
Although some extreme skeptics might contest that National Mint Chocolate Day has little, if any, relevance to royalty, we’re all too happy to dismiss their concerns. Mint chocolate anything is amazing.
25- Let’s All Eat Right Day
This day is particularly nice to recognize because, as a royal, you have literally no concern in this area of life. Sure, you might make several batches of beignets or plates of cookies every day, or have a serious addiction to krumkakes, but no one is ever able to notice!
We hope this article has been a welcome break from the stress of trying to confess your feelings to your true love, or from the anger triggered by seeing your favorite candy’s price looking suspiciously larger than the last time you checked. As always, feel free to seek our advice on any royal dilemmas you find yourself in, and we’ll see you next month with another article!
Photo credits: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6_KrHPx22A