Arts & Culture

How to Write Poetry by Ronald Weasley

G’day mates. I know all my adoring muggle fans have been begging me to share my poetry, so finally I relent, after all this time. Today I’m going to tell you about how I write seriously wicked poetry. 

What I first like to do is find something…inspiring. Yeah, that’s it, inspiring. Then I stare at it for a while until something pops into my brain. Sometimes I look at an object, other times a room, or a portrait. You know, the moving ones. Then, once I have something, I write it down. If you can’t think of anything, get one of those crystal balls Trelawney is obsessed with and gaze into it for a while. Your mind starts playing tricks on you and you’ll start seeing things if you really try. Another great trick is to take a love potion. You get awfully poetic on that stuff. Though you’d have to be mental to make an idiot out of yourself just for some poetry. 

I was sitting in my room at the Burrow and found myself looking at where the cage for my rat Scabbers used to be. Figured I’d write about that. Here’s what I came up with: 

 

Scabbers my pet,

My pathetic fat rat,

He wasn’t who I thought he was. 

He betrayed me and Harry. 

 

Oh Scabbers, 

You lived with me for twelve years. 

You turned out to be a murderer, 

So I’m not sorry to see you go. 

 

Next is all about rhyming. I always look at what I came up with and try to think of words that rhyme. Though most of the time I just leave it with what I’ve got. Let my inner poet flow, y’know what I mean? But if you can rhyme it’s supposed to be impressive. I decided on this for my poem:

 

Scabbers my pet, 

My pathetic fat rat, 

You aren’t the rat

I thought you were at first. 

 

You lived with me for twelve years,

But you murdered my friend’s parents, 

Served You-Know-Who’s wishes, 

So I’m not sorry to see you go. 

 

Pretty wicked, right? And finally there’s got to be a title. It’s got to be impressive. Like, “Scabbers the Murderer Rat.” Yeah, that’s brilliant! Creates a lot of intrigue. 

Now I thought that, being an amazing poet and all, I should critique a fellow writer’s poem.  Like, “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud” by William Wordsworth.  

 

“I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o’er vales and hills,” 

 

Who says clouds are lonely? Maybe they have loads of friends. He should have said he wandered lonely as one cloud in the sky. It would have made more sense. 

 

“When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees, 

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.”

 

What’s with all this metaphor stuff anyways? Flowers can’t dance. Unless he’s not a muggle after all…

 

“Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the milky way,” 

 

This is such an overused phrase. It makes the whole poem complete rubbish. You have to be creative, I’m telling you. No one is going to be your adoring fan if you just spout the same lines as everyone else, you know what I mean? 

 

“They stretched in never-ending line” 

 

Hermione fixes most of my grammar, but even I know that this just makes no sense.  It should be, “in *a* never-ending line”.  

 

“Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,”

 

He must have some massive eyeballs to be able to see all those flowers. 

 

“Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:”

 

He really likes to talk about dancing. There’s a difference between being artfully repetitive, like me, and annoyingly repetitive. He’s such a beginner. 

 

“A poet could not but be gay,

In such a jocund company:”

 

This rhyming is ghastly. He’s always changing it in some fancy rhyme scheme, but this is just completely off the point. The word “they” doesn’t have an “a” in it. How does “they” rhyme with “gay”?

 

“I gazed—and gazed—but little thought

What wealth the show to me had brought:

 

For oft, when on my couch I lie” 

 

This wording is ancient! What is it with poets not writing out the full words? 

 

“In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;” 

 

I thought this poem was about him not liking to be alone. And now solitude is bliss, apparently. He should be more decisive. 

 

“And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.”

 

So this whole time the daffodils were in his head? What is it with these poets trying to confuse their readers just to sound brilliant, or something? 

 

So that’s it. Apparently, according to Hermione, I’m “doing it all wrong.” But she doesn’t understand that not everything is about books and being exactly right (no offense). Sometimes you have to let inspiration take you where textbooks cannot. I know this might seem a bit daunting. But don’t worry, I’m a professional. You’ll get there one day. My advice to my admirers would be don’t try too hard. Why lose your marbles over this stuff, y’know? Just let your natural genius flow and you’ll become famous like me some day. 

 

Works Cited: 

“I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud.” Poetry Foundation. www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45521/i-wandered-lonely-as-a-cloud  Accessed March 24, 2021. 

 

Photo credit: https://screenrant.com/harry-potter-ron-weasley-movie-different-change/ 

14 Comments

  1. “Just let your natural genius flow and you’ll become famous like me some day.” Yep, sounds like Ron XD

  2. oh my gosh this is hilarious xD
    and it sounds so much like ron sdl;fsdl

  3. Thank u, Ron, u truly are a wonderful poet <3

  4. Avonmore Wheatley :) :) XD XP

    To all my adoring muggle fans!! lol gj

  5. Honestly Ron you’re not being sensible (that did give me a good laugh though 🙂

  6. ravenclaw student

    i think ur poetry was bloody brilliant. i had a good laugh. scabbers the murderer rat….

  7. Oh, look, the Muggle-loving Weasleys are attempting poetry now. Wait until I tell Father.

  8. Love it! Hilarious- and so creative! Keep up the good work

  9. Dolores Jane Umbridge

    Well… at least u aren’t practicing ridiculous spells, and raising a secret army.
    altho i dont see how a rat could murder harry’s parents…. and always remember, u must not tell lies. u never had a rat…

  10. I’m waiting to hear some wonderful poetry about Pigwidgeon. Perhaps about the time that he got his beak stuck in a owl treat?

  11. Oh my word, how did I not see thisss xDD this was absolutely brilliant *attempts her British accent* I loved this so much, especially because you included two of my favorite things, poetry and Harry Potter 😀 “But don’t worry, I’m a professional. You’ll get there one day. My advice to my admirers would be don’t try too hard. Why lose your marbles over this stuff, y’know? Just let your natural genius flow and you’ll become famous like me some day.” <- This sounded so much like him, I loved it! Great job on this, Emma!!