Featured, Humor

Day in the Life of a Clay Editor

To conclude our celebration of April Fools, the clay editing team stepped from behind the scenes to give clay’s readers a highly accurate depiction of an editor’s average day. Enjoy!

12AM – 3AM: Jenna and Madison, Senior Editors 

Of course, Senior Editors do not know the luxury of sleep. We rise promptly at 12:00 Midnight each day. Our typical morning routine usually involves grumbling about the rampant lack of Oxford commas we see and the staggering number of Open Mic articles waiting for our review. To our immeasurable disappointment, none of them contain references to fish-heads! We share a horrified gasp. Fortunately, we, as Senior Editors, are very well aware of the fantastic health benefits fish-heads offer their wise consumers. Who knew that a daily dose acts as a preventative for any disease! But that’s beside the point. As 3AM approaches, our supply of gourmet gummy bears slowly disappears as we rely on their sugary goodness to schedule new articles and respond to the many, many emails we have received over our measly five minutes of sleep. If there’s any extra time, we enjoy plotting the demise of our faithful editing team who suffer innumerable injustices at our hands.

3AM – 6AM: Christine Lyford, Humor

I sigh and throw off my covers to go sit at my desk in front of my laptop. Sure, it’s the middle of the night and I don’t have any assignments due the next morning for once, but I am willing to sacrifice several hours of sleep to work on the humor column. Every night I lie awake for hours, pondering how I could best do my job as humor editor. Of course, this job involves a lot of responsibility and requires the utmost knowledge in punctuation, vocabulary, and MLA formatting. I spend at least one hour scrutinizing a cartoon ant’s speech bubble, making sure that the very technical and complex spelling of LOL is correct. I then turn to analyzing the most recent Top 10 list, spending yet another hour carefully scanning the placement of each Oxford comma and seriously verifying the evidence suggesting that 10 very dysfunctional couples have, in reality, beautiful relationships. Finally, I begin studying the last comic at 5AM, the perfect time to seriously contemplate changing my name to Doodlemuffin so people will stop confusing me with Jenna. When 6AM rolls around, I slip back into bed to catch a couple more hours of sleep, feeling I have done my job thoroughly and that readers will be able to laugh without cringing over erroneous grammar and false evidence.

6AM – 9AM: Laura Cervantes, Arts and Culture

I turn my alarm clock off at 6 o’clock sharp and try to rub the sleep out of my eyes. It’s going to be a busy day. I decide to multitask at breakfast, scrolling through my emails until I find the baking article for the month. A picture of a deliciously-moist-creamy-lemony-sugary-totally-can’t-be-good-for-you cake pops up at the top of the article, and I drop the spoon I was bringing to my mouth. Who cares about corn flakes and bananas? I want that cake for breakfast. I frantically reply to the columnist with a message that her article is perfect as is and the only thing she must do is send me a slice of the cake. Or the whole cake. I’ll take it. Picking out my clothes for the day, I recall one of the fashion articles mentioning hoop skirts and look around in my drawer for one. It must be the fashion these days. I sigh when I can’t find one and settle for jeans. Lame. I then get to work on school, letting out a cry of victory when my poetry quiz is on “Nothing Gold Can Stay.” Thanks for analyzing it for me, I mentally thank the poetry columnist. I really should do math now. But I really don’t want to. Instead I settle into a comfy chair with a cup of morning tea to read the next section of This Little Light, blissfully ignorant of the mounds of schoolwork awaiting me.

9AM – 12PM: Dianna Pledger, Spotlight

Even though the day has barely begun, I’m already feeling incredibly guilty due to my previous decision to stay up until three AM the night before – or rather, that morning. Although I desperately try to focus on my homework, my tired and dazed mind chooses to contemplate all my favorite things instead, which primarily consist of foods. McDonalds. Chocolate milk. Iced tea from Starbucks. At the thought of tea, my mind jolts as I realize I haven’t edited any of my columnists’ articles this month. More dread creeps up on me, which finally gives me the motivation to be productive. I hurriedly open all the emails from my columnists and rush to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. After all, it’s quite the appropriate beverage to enjoy while learning about all the students, teachers, and stories of TPS. 

12PM – 3PM: Mari Stanton, Theology and Worldview

1… 2… 3… I shovel a forkful of leftover pasta into my mouth as I rush to type up an equation in my calculus class. It’s only 12pm, I’m hungry, I’m tired, and I still have to survive half of class. Being a model student, I decide to mute GP7 and instead scroll through Instagram and blast TSwift for the next forty-five minutes. An email notification pops up, and I see an article come in from my wonderful Bible columnist. As I skim through the article, I make a mental note to edit it immediately after class, but as a loyal student of The Procrastination School, that of course will not happen. I log off GP7 at 12:45 on the dot. I have no idea what was covered in class today, and I definitely couldn’t tell you what derivatives or integrals are, but I’ll catch up on that later. I have more important things to do for the next couple hours–like snacking on gummy bears, balancing pencils atop my big toe, testing new recipes for strawberry fish head smoothies, or crafting a medieval ball gown to wear to the grocery store later. I’ll definitely regret this at 1am, but oh well. Doing math homework and editing articles can wait while I accomplish the more important tasks in life. 

3PM – 6PM: Sakshi Kolli, News

Ahhh… I’ve been doing this history assignment for way too long. I’m not done, but who cares? Time for a snack! No assignment can keep me from getting a snack. I quickly close my history textbook and rush to the kitchen to grab a snack. I throw upon the shelves and open all the drawers; I see chocolate chip cookies, chips, Skittles, Kit Kat and an overwhelming heap of other delicious treats. Full of excitement, I grab all the snacks that can fit in my hands, tear open the packaging, and stuff the snacks into my mouth. Yum! Holding a variety of other snacks and stuffing some into my pockets, I run back to my room as I leave a trail of snacks, which fell from my overfilled pockets, behind me. I open up my laptop, forgetting about my history assignment, and start reading the numerous News articles I have to edit. Munching and crunching on my snacks, I inform myself about world events, current events, and  politics, I immerse myself in technological advancements and scientific discoveries, and I familiarize myself with the world of TCKs. By editing their articles, I gain a wide depth of knowledge. Satisfying my mind with new information and my tummy with yummy snacks, I slowly doze off and unknowingly rest my head on my history textbook for a nap. Zzzz… Zzzz… Zzzz… I suddenly awake and look at my history textbook. Oh no, lost in the world of News, I completely forgot about finishing the history assignment. I look at the time! 5:30! Time for dinner!

6PM – 9PM: Emily Huang, Open Mic

Sprinting back to my desk after eating a hasty dinner, I power on my laptop and check the Open Mic email account. I optimistically hold my breath while I type in the arbitrary password that I memorized, hoping for an empty inbox. As the screen loads, I see three emails pop in, one after the other. Glancing at my never-ending list of upcoming assignments, I sigh, realizing that it was going to be another long and restless night.

9PM – 12AM: Julia Holmgren,  Arts and Culture

“Ahh, what a wonderful day!” I sigh to myself as I lay back in bed, “I was so productive!  I completed all my homework…I survived swim practice…I ate lots of scrumptious food…what could I have possibly done to make it a better day?” With these thoughts meandering through my mind, I drift to sleep and enter dreamland. My dream begins rather amiably: I’m hiking up a trail with candy-growing-trees, and I soon reach the summit. As I gaze down at the caramel rivers and cotton candy clouds, I begin to hear an abnormal amount of rustling in the gummy bear trees behind me, and then, to my astonishment, both Jenna and Madison appear. I wave awkwardly since my mouth is stuffed with candy. However, Jenna and Madison do not seem happy…at all – they don’t even wave back! They approach nearer and nearer, wielding twizzler swords and chocolate daggers with menacing frowns on their faces. Jenna growls “Juliaaaaa did you edit your columnists’ articles todayyyy??” Madison snarls “We expect more of you, Juliaaaa.” All I manage to squeak out is a nervous  “No, my dear senior editors!” as I madly scramble in frantic search of a candy weapon to protect myself from their wrath. “THEN WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?!” roar Jenna and Madison in unison, and, before I could reply, I wake up with a start, gasping for air. I quickly hop out of bed, grab my laptop to edit articles. “Wow, haha, that was a close call,” I think. “Good thing Jenna and Madison aren’t as scary in real life.” And, with a final comment on an article, I fall back asleep, this time dreaming of the awesome feats the senior editors have accomplished during their reign. 

NOTA BENE: I speak in pure jest — Jenna and Madison are amazing! They don’t actually growl and snarl at me.

 

Image credit: Madison Asher, Canva

8 Comments

  1. Wow… You people have so many gummy bears XD. Does TPS pay you with them or something? Do editors have a secret salary of gummy bears that no one else knows about?!?!

  2. lolll im laughing so hard and now i almost want to be an editor

  3. Professor Winghorn

    Ack I thought I wanted to be a columnistXD

  4. LOL, you guys!! This is hilarious. 😂😂😂 And yes, hoop skirts for the win!!! XD

  5. Ahaha this was so funny, can I borrow one of your guys candy drawer xDD

  6. Oh wow that was literally the most entertaining thing I’m going to read all day. Just… hilarious.