Humor, Open Mic

Open Mic: Four Covid-19 Boredom-Busters by Elijah Jore

During this season of boredom and school, it’s important to create some fun once in a while! These four activities will make an attempt to instill some inspiration.

 

#1: Mentos and Diet Coke With a Twist (Please do not attempt at home) 

We’ll start out the boredom-busting with this simple yet magnificent activity.

Step 1: Purchase a roll of Mentos and a three-hundred-and-thirty-five-milliliter can of Diet Coke. If your sugar-consumption-sensitive mother asks you why you need it, explain the educational values of this “experiment.” Feel free to incorporate confusing terms such as “nucleation” and then launch into lengthy descriptions of electrons, photons, and neutrons.

Step 2: Once you’ve politely convinced your mother that this experiment is necessary to complete your education, unwrap the Mentos and clench four between your teeth. Carefully open the Diet Coke, reminding yourself that you’re a big kid now and that big kids don’t spill.

Step 3: Drop the Mentos into the Coke and immediately put your mouth over the opening. For best results, set your jaw and clench your teeth.

Step 4: Plug your nose. This step is very important. Beware.

With luck, the experiment should behave itself beautifully, filling you with happy sensations and enough sugar to keep you awake for half the night.

 

#2: Building a Go-Kart

Moving on, we have an activity that will require slightly more physical exertion and time, but the result will be worth the toil.

Step 1: Find wheels. Without wheels, your go-kart won’t go anywhere. Repeat Newton’s laws of motion to motivate yourself as you prepare for the task of sifting through hundred-foot-high piles at your local junkyard. If you’d rather not get your hands dirty, you can always swipe the wheels from your little siblings’ bikes. Explain gently that they will be used for good purposes, pat them on the head, and bring the wheels to your workspace.

Step 2: Wood is another necessity. As with wheels, you may have some difficulty finding enough to suit your purposes. Never fear, the hundred-year-old oak in the front yard will give you more than enough. Chop it down, trim the branches off, and split the heartwood into boards. Easier done than said!

Step 3: You’ll need materials to hold it together. If you have nails or screws, congratulations, you can skip this step! If you don’t, start scrounging. Basements are a good place to start looking. Rubber bands, bungee cords, rope, duct tape, and, of course, super glue all work well.

Step 4: Assemble your go-kart. If you’d like, you may look up “Go-Kart Directions” on Pinterest or Google, but where’s the fun in that? You learn by living, as the saying goes. It shouldn’t be too hard; keep pounding nails and/or drowning your creation in super glue, and all will go well!

Step 5: Before you test it out, stand back and admire your work. After patting yourself on the back for your accomplishment, bring it to the highest hill you can find. Once you’ve made sure there are no cars, people, or objects in the way, strap the nearest sibling into the cockpit as a test subject and cram three or four pillows in. Give a snappy salute and shove the go-kart down the hill. It will almost certainly work wonderfully, and you’ll have plenty of fun with it.

After you’ve shot down the hill a good seventy-four times, lovingly park your go-kart on the driveway and get ready for the next activity.

 

#3: Succulent Farming

Step 1: Tell your mother that you’ve decided to enter a career in interior design and would like to grow a plant. If your mother is like most mothers, she should squeal with delight at your responsibility in planning for the future and immediately drive you to the nearest plant nursery.

Step 2: Pick a nice large succulent. Everyone loves succulents, so once you decide to multiply this plant into a full-scale succulent farm, you’ve got a good start.

Step 3: Name your plant. If you personalize it, you’ll be much more motivated to take care of it. Exquisite names give it character, so don’t shy away from names like Gwendolyn and Dmitri. Talk to it daily and form a strong relationship with it.

Step 4: Silently thank your second-grade teacher for enlightening you to the fact that all plants need light and H2O. Water it every day, because the more water it gets, the more it will want to grow! Place it in the sunniest window you can find and watch it flourish. With luck, it will grow to a ripe old age.

 

#4: Adventuring

Now that your succulent farm is underway, head back outside. Most of us have spent more time inside lately than we’d care to admit. Fortunately, those days are over!

Step 1: Look up pictures of David Livingstone, Lewis and Clark, and Magellan to get a read on what real explorers look like. Mentally prepare yourself by chanting, “I’m an EXPLORER. I’m an EXPLORER.”

Step 2: Once you’ve finished filling your mind with adventurous thoughts, grab your backpack out of the closet and begin filling it with whatever you think you’ll need to survive. Water is a necessity, along with granola bars and a good book in case you get trapped in a rocky ravine with no way out.

Step 3: Find a walking stick and buy a panama hat. These aren’t necessary, but they sure do complete the look!

Step 4: Strike out on your adventure belting “Into the Unknown” at the top of your lungs. If people stare in shock, let them stare. Hold your head high and purposefully strut down the road. If you live in the country, your neighbor’s corn field is a great place to start. If you live in the city, however, start walking down the sidewalk and look for vegetation. You’ll get to a rainforest eventually!

If you get lost, fear not! Repeat Luke 19:10 to yourself and breathe a couple silent prayers, and you’ll be absolutely fine! “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

 

You can say good-bye to the boring parts of your life. Once you’ve gotten tired of the four activities here, move on to something else! The possibilities are boundless.

 

Photo Credit:

https://wallpapershome.com/movies/jumanji-welcome-to-the-jungle-jack-black-kevin-hart-dwayne-16988.html

______________________________

Meet the Author

How old are you?

I’m 16 years old.

Where do you live?

I live in Jinja, Uganda.

What classes are you taking with TPS?

I’m taking English 4/5 Advanced Comp – Style and Rhetoric (Honors), U.S. Government (Civics) and Economics, and Chemistry.

What is your favorite thing about writing?

I love the satisfaction of being able to write things that I would enjoy reading, along with seeing where my imagination takes me.

83 Comments

  1. this is hilarious bahaha

  2. rebeckbeckfunfuncakecake

    ooooh i will def try these out, sounds fun

  3. Livy Livy Livy Lou

    Bwahahahaha that is hilarious ????????

  4. haha this is pure awesomeness, elijah!!

  5. Amazing job, Elijah! This was an incredibly enjoyable read. I know what I’m going to do in my free time now.
    (It definetly won’t be the diet coke idea -cough-)

  6. i am totally going to try the coke one and use my brother as a test subject

  7. I actually tried Number 3 a while back. It didn’t go so well (seeing as I, hehe, didn’t water my succulent every day).
    Rest in peace, Melissa. *sniffles*

  8. Wow Elijah, amazing! This was very enjoyable to read. I know mom will probably not let me try most of these but I’m sure they are super fun!

  9. I love this Elijah I enjoyed reading every bit of it.

  10. Hahaha this is great???? I’ll try them all and let you kno what my parents say????

  11. LOL!!!! ????

  12. LOLOL, I’m dying now!! XDDD And yes, definitely (not) water your succulents well…. ???????????? At least now I know how to keep myself awake all night next time I feel called upon to do so…. *nods wisely* XD I feel like it’d take a lot of convincing for me to get my little sister to allow me to dismember her bike, though (not that I would blame her, hehe)! ???? (And yes, I know I’m taking this way too seriously, don’t mind me. XD)
    Anyway, this was great, you definitely have a gift. ???? Keep writing!!

  13. ahaha this was awesome!

  14. LOL I love the diet coke one xDDDDDDDDD

  15. Sir Kelpie this is awesome XD. All these are excellent things, I’ma try the mentos one rn.

  16. Hahahaha this was awesome

  17. Bahahahaha, great job squirrel
    I will most definitely try all of them, if i survive the explosion that will probably kill me while doing #1 that is

  18. This is hilarious!! Great job, Elijah, I certainly enjoyed reading this xDD and I’m definitely not going to try the diet coke-mentos science experiment :DD

  19. Great Writing!!! This put a smile on my face 😀

  20. wonderful, wonderful advice! Thank you

  21. bro this was absolutely fantastically amazing!!! great job Joreee hehe [: loved itttt so muchh

  22. Update: my siblings survived the go-kart experiment, and are gleefully requesting a new vehicle since the old one was accosted by camels
    I guess I’ll have to try succulents to appease my mother and the camel herder
    thanks for the ideas Elijah xD

  23. Thank you so much for these inspiring ideas, they turned out marvelously. Although, I fear that I may have killed Gwendolyn…
    You see, for some reason my siblings weren’t to keen on trying out my go kart, (I can’t fathom why. It was beautiful, if a bit lopsided.) but Gwendolyn volunteered. I guess she wasn’t strapped in well enough and… well, she went flying, poor thing. Dmitri is beside himself with grief – he’s looking quite wilted. Actually… on second thought that might be because my (lovely) 2nd grade teacher failed to instruct me in the necessary factors of plant-raising…

    • LOLOL, Anna!!! XD

    • i must say, i am delighted to hear they turned out well. however, i offer my sincerest apologies on the tragic fate of Gwendolyn, may she rest in peace. please send my regards to Dmitri, and be sure to hold a magnificent funeral. “Died by Go-Kart” is a worthy heading for a tombstone.

  24. Bahahaha omww elijah i died reading this, amazing work!! You have some great points there and im sure my parents would love to know who gave me all this inspiration 😉

  25. hahahha elijah this is amazing xD

  26. Muindor omw this is the fourth time I’ve come back to this and it’s still cracking up XD

  27. loved the enough sugar to keep u awake half the night lol

  28. You forgot the most important (and real) explorer, Dora the Explorer xD