Humor, Open Mic

Open Mic: Tips from a Bored Ballet Dancer: How to Get Picked at a Major Audition by Sofia Barbieri

On a grand tour of Europe, you stopped to attend a live rehearsal for The Sleeping Beauty. Having fallen in love with the glittery costumes and shiny, pink pointe shoes, you twisted your dad’s arm eagerly. Now what was this about again, pointers? Oh yes, thank you! Pointers are a kind of dog used for hunting because they “point.” *giggles* I’m kidding! Now as I was saying – what? Oh, you have an audition!! That’s right! Are you excited? Tips? Pointe shoes already have tips, though, and I don’t really recommend that you – what’s that? You need tips on how to succeed in the audition? Ohhhhh! Well, why didn’t you just say that in the first place, for goodness’ sake? Here I am – get to the point! Okay, I guess that I can start with those if you really want me to. Here’s the first essential thing that you need to know: pointe shoes are magical. Every real, born-for-the-stars ballerina is born with her pointe shoes on her feet, and if she isn’t – well, you must know what that means. You weren’t? Oh, well – trivial detail. What I would suggest you do is run down to the nearest department store and buy the shiniest, pointiest pair you can find. Danger of sprained ankles? Well, not that I can really think of, but surely you’ve heard of what to do on such an occasion. Rap on it with your knuckles, injure it often – oh, never mind. Anyway, once you’ve gotten the shoes, then it should be a simple enough matter to get into the ballet school of your choice if you just follow my top-secret Audition Approval Formula, below:

1st Tip: Don’t try to learn the combination. Yes, this is slightly controversial, but here’s how I look at it – why bother wasting the time and effort to memorize the combos when there will always be another dancer right in front of you for you to follow?

2nd Tip: Don’t put rosin on your pointe shoes. It just creates a mess all over and frequently makes your feet get stuck on the floor, making you lose your balance. And anyway, a slick floor keeps you “on your toes” – well, unless you slip, of course. But really, who’s going to?

3rd Tip: Don’t use hairspray. It’s sticky, it’s stinky, and you’ll have to use twice as much shampoo than normal just to get it out. And honestly, what decent person is going to care if your hair’s a bit frizzy? It’s better for all concerned to just leave it on the shelf!

4th Tip: Don’t get there early. Some people theorize that it’ll make you look good, but honestly, it’s a big waste of time, so why go to the trouble? You could be getting yourself sucked into your favorite TV show or pretending to study for that history exam you have to take tomorrow. Besides, you’ll have to work harder if you’re a combination or two late, so you’ll have a better chance of impressing the judges. Who can argue with that?

5th Tip (and most important!): Don’t listen to tips from bored ballet dancers. They are known for giving notoriously unreliable information to unsuspecting novices.

Disclaimer: It is safe to assume that much of the advice given here is not advisable in actual practice. Please be careful!

 

Photo Credit:

https://store.suffolkdance.com/spotlight-pink-standard.html

______________________________

Meet the Author

How old are you?

I am about 14-and-a-half years old.

Where do you live?

I live in the eastern part of WA state in the U.S.

What classes are you taking with TPS?

I’m taking Chemistry (Honors) with Mrs. Selby, Geometry with Mr. Manns, College British Lit and Comp with Mrs. Huisman, German 1 Language and Culture with Frau Young, and Latin 2 Language and Culture with Miss Cockerham.

What is your favorite thing about writing?

I really love writing because it gives me joy—words are just so beautiful and it’s truly very satisfying when I can at last find the right way to put something I’ve seen in my head. It definitely makes up for the frustration, annoyance, and discouragement when I cannot! So, my favorite things about writing would probably be that it makes me happy, it gives me a place to escape to when I’m bored, and it lets me express myself and my deepest thoughts in ways I could not easily otherwise.

54 Comments

  1. OliverMunzer/omunzer

    another German student… I take German 2 with Frau Young!
    Guten Tag!

    Also, interesting article!!

  2. Great job Sofia!! this is great!

  3. This is awesome!!! Love your writing Sofia 😊😊 Great job amica!!!

  4. Hahaha yeah… I’m probably NOT gonna take this advice 🤔🤔🤔😂😂😂

  5. Yaaaay Sofia you finally got it posted!!! I’m so happy to have helped you with this🙃 Tho i didn’t really do anything😂 GOOD JOBBBBBBB

    • KIMMIE!!! You did too—I still have your edits somewhere in my files. 😂 Thank you so much!!!!!!! *hugs* And thank you for helping me edit it!!! 😄

      • Awww haha you’re so welcome🙃 Ofc! I’d love to edit more for you if you want me to👌🏻

        • Also, you’re so pretttttyyyy!! And your hair so soooo looooooooong😲 I wish😂

          • Ooh, ja!!! I haven’t really finished much recently, but I’ll have to send you something again soon…. Did you see “The Girl from Yesterday”? 🙂
            Awww, thank you!!!!! *hugs* Hehe, my mom wants me to get a trim, but I’m used to it the way it is right now—so probably not yet. 😂

          • Aww haha yea its been super busy recently. I don’t think I’ve seen that one yet!
            Dude ofc🙃 Lol ya I wouldn’t want to cut my hair either if it looked like that😂

          • LOL Kimmie I didn’t know u helped Sofia w/ this XD. U r obviously therefore not a poor writer.

          • @Kimmie
            Ja… XD Okay!! I’ll send it to you as soon as I finish controlling my math. 😂
            Hehe! XD Ja, I like my hair—except when I accidentally sit on it, which really kind of hurts, hehe! 🙃 But honestly, I probably haven’t had a trim in a couple years, and it was just cut to like the middle of my back or whatever at that point, so it’s had some time to grow since then. XDD

            @Matthew
            Hehe, ja, she helped me edit it. 🙂 And no, she’s definitely not!! 😂 We send things back and forth to help each other edit them sometimes—it’s been a while because of school, though. XD

          • haha Matthew, I see how it is……. just because I edit doesn’t mean I’m a good writer tho😂

            Sofia thats honestly really cool tho haha!! Except for sitting on your hair😂 I have been trying to grow my hair out but it just won’t grow anymoooooore😢 lol “as soon as I finish controlling my math.” felt that✌🏻

          • You are too a good writer, Kimmie! XD And a good editor! 🙂 Hehe, thank you!! And awww, I’m sorry. *hugs* Honestly, I think you’re really pretty anyway, though. 🙂 LOL!! XD
            Oh, and I sent you the story!! 😃

          • oh ho so Kimmie is a v good writer XD @kimmie if u can find mistakes u can fix them so…hehe.

          • Haha thank you for your kind words Sofia<3 But lol I'm not good at writing… lolol its all the editing I do to make it better *nods* aaaaawwwwwwwwww thank you<3 lol! And yes i got it 🙂

            Matthew…. I have 5 words for you: don't believe everything you hear. Lol! Sofia is prolly just saying that cuz shes my fwiend and she doesn't want to insult me😂 Stop thinking i'm smart😂🤣😂 Cuz I'm most assuredly NOT lol

          • Kimmie child be nice to urself XD.

          • Lol Matthew you have much to learn about me😂
            But… seriously… i’m just stating a fact lol

          • not true hehe jk.

            Facts and opinions are v different at times.

          • lol so now you’re a Kimmie expert? 😂

            hmm… this may be true… but I’m stating a fact not opinion rofl

          • Oh, this is interesting… XD Sorry, that I haven’t been responding, I’m kind of still haunted by the “spamming” pop-up that happens if you post too much—fingers crossed it won’t happen yet. 😂
            First of all, Kimmie, I edit a lot too!!! That doesn’t mean you aren’t a good writer, it just means you’re finding things that you want to tweak a little. My first drafts of stories are kind of scary sometimes, hehe. 🤣 And second of all, stop bad-talking yourself! XD (#HorribleHypocrite) But really…. Yes, I am your friend—but you’re also a good writer! XD And you’re welcome! *hugs* ❤ And yay about the story! (And yes—this is my third nearly consecutive sentence starting with the conjunction “and”! XP)

          • hahaha all good i get it🙃
            haha i give up smh see what you did Matthew? 😂

  6. Great Job!! I don’t take ballet, but I enjoyed reading it!

  7. AHH amazing article Sofie! Also my mental image is slightly broken XD.

  8. amazing job Sofia!! very funny!

  9. This was hilarious, great job! xD I’ll be sure to heed all of your advice if faced with a ballet-related audition ;-).

  10. I PROMISE I WON’T USE THIS ADVICE (probably bc I’m not a dancer, but y’know…)

  11. I’m actually getting my first pair of pointe shoes tomorrow!

    • thats so exciting! I’ve been on pointe for 4 (?) years now and its really fun!! I hope you enjoy your new pointe shoes🙃

      • (the question mark is there cuz i don’t remember how long i’ve been on pointe😂)
        Be prepared to never wear sandals or open toed shoes ever again😂

        • @Lilly
          Ugh, the below comment was to you… XD I thought it was going to post a little higher, sorry. 😂

          @Kimmie
          Hehe, it’s only my second year en pointe… XD *high five*

    • YAY!!! *hugs* That’s so exciting!!! 😄 (Tag me on Forums if you want to talk about it—I love talking about ballet. 😂)

  12. Daisy Pipit Page🌼🐕🏇🍫

    Great job Sofia, this was hilarious🤣 I love ballet!

  13. Daisy Pipit Page🌼🐕🏇🍫

    This is my 2nd year en pointe, I like it! But it also hurts! xD

    • Thank you!! 😄 Ja, same here—I love ballet (and it’s my second year en pointe) too!!! 😃 It does hurt, though, agreed…. XD Hehe, Idk if you’re familiar with the story of “The Little Mermaid,” but when she wanted to become a human, two things happened to her—she lost her voice—and was doomed to feel as if she were walking on knives with every single step she took. As a dancer, I can relate pretty well to the second part sometimes. 😂

  14. I really enjoyed reading through this, I loved the sarcasm and humor included!

  15. I take Chemistry (Honors) with Mrs. Selby to haha :)….Also loved this..at first I thought you were serious then i realized it was all a joke XD my teacher would love to hear you recommending no hairspray tho lol (kidding – she loves hairsprayXD)

    • Hehe, thank you!!! 😃 Well—I honestly don’t really use hairspray except during performances and things like that… XD It either doesn’t work very well, or bothers my really sensitive skin. 😂

  16. I will definitely use these lol 🙂