Humor

The March Democratic Debate

On March 15, Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden clashed head-on in the eleventh Democratic debate for the 2020 presidential election. There were many feisty moments, but none matched what followed after this question:

“What is your favorite food, and how does it reveal your character to be the most inspiring for the office of president?”

The first to answer was Biden, who responded, “Soft serve ice cream 100%. It really shows how I have a soft heart for people, and I’m open to them no matter who they are.”

Sanders instantly jumped at this opportunity. “Well I think that people who like soft serve just can’t take hard, cold reality. And as president, you will be encountering a lot of that. For example, Joe, what would you do if you dropped your ice cream on the sidewalk? You wouldn’t be able to face yourself.”

“Oh yeah? I’ll tell you what I’d do… I’d get down on my hands and knees and lick that ice cream right off the sidewalk.”

“What if it fell into the sewer?”

“Ummm–”

“SEE?? What did I tell you? He can’t take it.”

The moderator cut in here and turned the question on Sanders.

“Well, I think Vermont Maple Syrup really typifies my personality in that–”

Now it was Biden’s turn to attack: “… in that syrup is very viscous and slow to react. Just like you would be as president!”

“Are you calling me viscous?!”

“Well, I would say more laid back.”

“Are you saying I have a bad back?”

“I am saying that you have poor analytical skills.”

“Are you calling me poor?”

Once again, the moderator interjected and went to the next question. “What is the most impactful memory from your childhood?”

Bernie answered first. “I think in the mornings, when we ate breakfast… that was a really sweet time. Did you know that maple syrup has 45 grams of sugar? And it constituted our entire breakfast. It was really tasty.”

“That comprised your entire diet?” Biden inquired.

“Oh, of course not, Joe. We would eat brown sugar for lunch and dinner. How do you expect us to survive on syrup alone?”

Attempting, and failing, to hide his concern, Biden answered the question in turn. “Whenever we had snow cones in summer, I would bite the tip off the end and suck all the syrup out. I think that illustrates how I will always get the best for this country–without any of the negative side effects.”

“I think this is one thing on which we both agree, Joe. The syrup industry is the most important thing to our nation. We need to get as much of it as we can as soon as possible. That’s why I’m changing my campaign slogan to “SYRUP FOR AMERICA.”

Biden gave Sanders an incredulous look. “What??”

“You might as well drop out of the race now. There’s no way you can compete with that.”

The audience erupted with applause, including the moderator.

It appears that all hope is lost for Biden, considering Sanders’ new slogan. Syrup has proven to rally Americans all across the nation, no matter their political leanings. That’s why, as of March 19th, Biden hasn’t won a single delegate since March 17th. Sanders, with his fervent representation of maple syrup, epitomizes the American Dream.

13 Comments

  1. Oh wow, this was really entertaining 😂
    Great job!

  2. xDDD This was hilarious; awesome job, Aaron!

  3. SYRUP FOR AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!
    We can always use more syrup!!!

  4. This is super entertaining!

  5. *eats brown sugar for lunch and dinner.*

  6. THis is Hilariousssss XDDD my Dad absolutely loves this.

  7. ahhaahahahahha! great job Aaron!

  8. This was great! props aaron

  9. LOL great job! 🙂