Theology & Worldview

LEAKED: This is the 2023 Ford GT! Bonus: Transit Raptor!

Hey everyone! Andrew here. I just wanted to say, first of all, that I’ve given up on my story Torn. I kind of got bored and simply wanted to do something else. Besides, I have more important news to share! So without more ado, let me introduce you to the next-generation Ford GT supercar!

I ran this idea by my editor, but she said I couldn’t publish it because it didn’t have any connection to Theology and Worldview. Still, however, I went ahead and wrote it because hey, this is my chance to get famous! News like this only comes once every few weeks, after all! (Mwahahaha, Eunice)

So here’s the backstory. A good friend of mine works for Ford in their engineering and design departments. Just a couple days ago, he told me that Ford has been thinking hard about what the next GT will be. A lot of ideas were being thrown around, but the team was unable to reach a consensus. Some wanted a fairly mild, evolutionary redesign of the current model, while others wanted a ridiculously expensive, ridiculously amazing hypercar to compete with the likes of Bugatti’s top models. 

 

Bugatti La Voiture Noire

At this point, however, my friend pulled up a picture of the current GT and said, “What if we just expand everything about it? Including size.”

2020 Ford GT

That got conversation really going all around the table. After several hours and innumerable gallons of coffee, every member of the planning committee had agreed to build the new GT on Ford’s utility/passenger Transit van platform.

2020 Ford Transit

My friend told me that they started working that night. The team immediately saw that the Transit needed a vastly larger engine to produce the kind of performance specs they wanted. To achieve that, they shoehorned a massive V24 engine (an engine with 24 cylinders, for those readers who are not among the Illuminati) into the BACK part of the Transit; the cargo area/passenger compartment. The results were promising, and the project moved forward. 

V24 Engine

My friend informed me that the project, code-named H.A.F., went forward under top secrecy. The designers and engineers were afraid Ford would kill the idea. Because of that, they worked at night on one of the engineers’ private property.

During the design stage, there was a serious dispute between the designers and engineers. The designers wanted to continue in the steps that the current GT had set and make a beautiful, aggressive-looking machine. However, the engineers (who won the argument and had their way, for better or worse) couldn’t care less about aesthetics and just wanted to use the regular Transit body. However, just to give the designers something to do, they let them redesign the internal components of the headlights, as well as the grille texture and the giant rear wing.

Once the Transit-GT, or “supervan” as it was dubbed, was ready for testing, the engineers invited Ford’s leadership to the testing grounds to watch the supervan in all its glory. The performance was astounding with a blistering top speed of 261 mph, a rousing quarter-mile time of 10.1 seconds, and insane handling and grip. To be fair, the 0-60 time was subpar at 5.4 seconds, but once the supercharged V24 really kicked in, the Transit GT more than made up for that. The project got the green light.

My friend managed to send me an official design sketch of the supervan. It previews what to expect. He said the green color with white racing stripes is expected to make it to production, along with the elephantine rear wing and the two-layer grille.

 

Transit GT Official Rendering

My friend also told me that Ford plans to make an off-road-ready Raptor variant of the Supervan. It will ditch the low-profile street tires for chunky, massive tires on beadlock-capable rims (which are very useful in off-roading). It will also feature a new grille with giant FORD lettering, custom headlights, and optional RAPTOR decals for the sides.

Once again, my friend provided an official design sketch for the Transit Raptor.

 

Transit Raptor Official Rendering

Regarding the GT supervan, my friend acknowledged that Ford expects a lot of lashback regarding the decision to turn the storied GT nameplate into a giant utility van with a V24. However, my friend said, “Ford really started the automotive landscape as we know it. We were the first on the scene. We created the rules, so we get to change the rules if we want.”

Only time will tell if Ford’s gamble will pay off. As for me, I’m saving up my pennies. That supervan sure looks juicy.

Ford GT drifting

Image source:

<https://www.roadandtrack.com/new-cars/a12845465/yes-you-can-drift-a-ford-gt/> (Ford)

49 Comments

  1. April Fools should last the whole year.

  2. Leanne Zuiderveen

    Andrew, it was a mistake to hire you as one of our T&W columnists. Obviously, you were born for greater things. You just need to cure your habit of using an excessive number of tags, and then I truly think you will become legendary.

    • yeah I’m planning on running around with a camera for the rest of my life spying on car companies… 😛 XD

  3. My well-liked iF Leader, this is hilarious, but I just thought that maybe it would be somewhat more convincing if the official renderings didn’t have the Andrew Berry signatures underneath.

  4. Lol! But aren’t you and your friend going to get in trouble for spilling company secrets?!

    • oh that’s why I made sure I kept him anonymous
      As for me… I’m not even a Ford employee, they can’t do anything other than sue me for a few million *shrugs*

      • Since you revealed he’s the first guy to suggest the supervan idea, he’s not exactly anonymous…

        • *gasps*
          OK SEs I NEED YOU TO DELETE THIS POST NOW
          MY FRIEND MUST BE KEPT SAFE
          TIME TO EXERCISE YOUR DICTATORIAL POWERS

          • Leanne Zuiderveen

            “With great power comes great responsibility…” Unfortunately, your friend isn’t one of those responsibilities.

          • Ok I will stage a revolt then
            I will overthrow you and Cassie

  5. This is totally an april fool’s day joke. But who WOULDN’T want a super-van? They should get a party-limo edition with color-changing lights, big tinted windows, all black trim, and a built-in cocktail bar (NOT for the chauffer)
    As for the green GT van sketch, I think the spoiler would cause some severe clearance problems, especially on Connecticut Rt. 15.
    The engineers always win, though, because they’re right!!! 😂😂😂

    • yes I love those ideas!!! And yeah a supervan would be a hoot. This idea actually has a lot of historical precedent; with the previous generations of the Transit, Ford has made track-focused Supervans. That makes it even more hilarious because I didn’t even know about the REAL Supervans when I wrote this article. XD

      yeah… I suppose the engineers are right… because when the designers have a drop too much before doing the sketches and the engineers don’t have a backbone you get the Toyota CH-R

      • I don’t get it. What’s wrong with the Toyota CH-R? (Other than it being to small)

        • The wacky design sacrifices a LOT in terms of interior space, cargo space, and just simple ergonomics. Some people like the CH-R’s design. I don’t mind it. But when design becomes so important that it actually causes problems for the driver and passengers, that’s not cool.

  6. Why did you give up on Torn? I LOVED IT!

  7. So are you going to finish Torn? You’d better, cause I’m gonna die if you don’t and my family will sue you for murder 😛 – plus Ford suing you. I hope you’re a millionaire!

    P.S. Torn is amazing. Keep it going.

    P.P.S. You’re lucky Leanne didn’t fire you after your comments on the Senior Editors’ article. Just saying. (Not that I didn’t agree with you)

  8. does HAF stand for Happy April Fools? lol i saw that in the tags.

  9. Has anyone noticed that the URL for this article says https://clay.at-tps.org/2020/04/13/my-friend-was-lying/ ?
    well, Beren Erchamion/Andrew Berry, if your friend was lying, then you don’t need to get this article removed.

  10. I really think you should have had the super van in the advanced comp story.

    But other than that, nice article. :car:

    • I guess you can’t do emoticons on clay. oh well.

      • lol that would have been great. Maybe for a sequel…..

        • you should write a sequel in which the section fivers enlist the armies of mordor and the galactic empire to prove they are the best. Then have the armies of rohan, gondor, mirkwood, and the rebel alliance show up to help the section one kids. I think that would be really funny.