My dear Wormwood,
I was disappointed to hear of your failure in keeping your patient from a meaningless, fluffy Valentine’s Day, but you now have another chance in the season of Easter. Of course, I, as all true demons, hate the terrible and abhorrent story of how the Enemy tricked our father below and defeated death, but in this season lies a great opportunity to lead your patient deeper and deeper into a meaningless Christian life.
At all costs, keep your patient away from deep, contemplative thoughts about the Enemy’s sacrifice. Don’t let him realize just how great the sacrifice was, and don’t let him realize the huge implications of it for those in the Enemy’s scheme. If he does, then you will have a very hard time to win him over for our father below.
Some servants of the Enemy, especially those deep in his service, give up certain things in the season before Easter, which they call Lent. They say that they do it in order to better understand the Enemy’s sacrifice for them. Agh! What a horrible thing indeed for a human to, out of his own will, give up certain pleasures in order to deeply contemplate what the Enemy did for them. How the Enemy loves it when humans really think about and thank him for his sacrifice.
Do not let your patient fall into this trap! Make him think that fasting or abstaining from certain pleasures is only for stuffy, over-the-top Christians. Make him think that kind of behavior is not for him.
Instead, make Easter a time of happiness for your patient. Of course, I do not mean the deep joy that the Enemy gives those who trust and believe in him. I mean a shallow happiness that is based on circumstances. Make your patient think that Easter is about chocolate eggs, bunny rabbits, colorful decorations, and new clothes.
Make your patient so busy with the outward Easter that he doesn’t have time to really think about what really happened some two thousand years ago. Convince him that he should help organize the egg hunt, decorate the town square with pictures of bunny rabbits, and spend so much time and money shopping for new Easter clothes and gifts that he has no time left to read his Bible or truly think about the Enemy’s sacrifice for him.
You will not very likely be able to convince your patient not to go to the Easter Sunday church service. But you can make him go simply out of routine. He has most likely gone to the service every Sunday since he was a little child and probably found it quite boring as a child. Maximize this feeling. Keep him thinking about trivial things, such as how long the sermon is taking, what a beautiful day it is, what is for lunch, and how he is dressed better than the other churchgoers. At all costs, don’t let him really ponder what the preacher is saying or how it could impact his life.
And when he leaves the dreaded building, instantly fill his mind with other things, plans, and ideas. The most important thing to do is not to give him time to think about the true meaning of Easter.
If you succeed in creating a shallow, pleasure-filled Easter for your patient, then you will be able to build on your success and draw your patient deeper and deeper into our father’s hands. If you fail, then woe to you! You know what the punishment is for letting a human slip into the Enemy’s clutches, and I can assure you, you will not be spared.
Your affectionate and increasingly impatient uncle,
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