Disclaimer: This article is the exclusive property of Jake Moore and clay magazine. It may not be used, viewed, printed, fed to the R.O.U.S.es (I honestly wouldn’t recommend feeding them anything, but hey, your funeral), read before Prince Humperdinck (he is not a nice man), put under a magic spell of any sort, or repeatedly quoted without the expressed consent of Jake Moore and clay magazine.
Jake 2: Hello there!
Jake: General Kenobi.
Jake 2: That doesn’t rhyme.
Jake: I know, but I’m a die-hard Star Wars fan. Greetings and salutations, one and all! As you can see, I brought the rhyming maestro back. You’re probably asking, “Jake, why did you invite the rhyming maestro back, and what’s with all the Princess Bride references in the disclaimer?” I’m so glad you asked. I have two very special guests here for this month’s article, and I figured my poetic doppelganger would get along well with them. I present to you two men who hardly need an introduction: Fezzik and Inigo!
Inigo: Thank you, my friend. It’s very nice to be here.
Fezzik: Your invitation did bring us some cheer.
Jake 2: (rubbing his hands together) I like these two already!
Inigo: Calm down! No need to be unsteady.
(Jake 2 glances over to Jake, impressed)
Jake: These guys are good.
Fezzik: We can do more… At least, I think we could.
Jake 2: If I had a hat, it would be off to you two master poets.
Jake: Yeah, same here.
Inigo: Thank you, friends. You’re very kind.
Fezzik: Kind, kind… It’s all about using your mind.
Jake: I’m starting to get the feeling that this interview is just turning into one long free verse poem.
Jake 2: Well, when people ask you to rhyme, you really have to show ‘em.
Jake: Oh, I see what you did there. Anyway, could we stop the rhymes for just a minute so that I could ask a few questions?
Inigo: I suppose we could do that.
Jake: Great. Firstly, will you teach me to fence? I’ve never seen anyone who knows his way around a rapier like you do.
Jake 2: A what now?
Jake: A rapier. It’s a type of sword.
Inigo: Yes, this type of sword. (Slowly draws his sword and hands it to Jake 2 to inspect)
Jake 2: I see… Very nice! (Returns the sword)
Jake: So, Inigo, what do you say?
Inigo: I’m sure we could find time for a few lessons.
Jake: Sweet! Okay, second question: did you ever take up piracy?
Inigo: I’m afraid that needs to be kept secret.
Jake: Oooo, so the whole “can’t confirm or deny” thing, eh? Alright, if you insist.
Jake 2: Could we do some more rhyming? I’m getting bored.
Jake: Oh, gimme a sec… bored, bored…
Inigo: How is that possible when I just showed you my sword?
Jake 2: Well, I just love to rhyme. Poetry is music to the ears.
Jake: Ok, ears… Ummmm…
Fezzik: Ears… So, it often brings you to tears?
Jake 2: The good poems do, but they’re hard to find these days.
Jake: (Finally coming up with a rhyme) Maybe you guys should make poetry in your own ways! Ha! I did it!
Inigo: Well done, my friend. You rhymed that well.
Jake 2: To me it sounded clear as a bell.
Jake: How do you guys do it so easily?
Jake 2: The trick is to… aw, nuts.
Jake: That doesn’t rhyme.
Jake 2: That’s because I’m stuck for one.
(Beep! Beep! Beep!)
Jake: Well, looks like we’re out of time anyway. Say goodbye, everyone!
Inigo: Farewell, friends! We hope to see you again soon!
Fezzik: Perhaps we will sometime in June.
Jake 2: Farewell, Farewell. Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Jake: The only word I can think of right now that rhymes with that is Kilimanjaro. Anyway, see you next time!