Disclaimer: This article is the exclusive property of Jake Moore’s Emotions and clay magazine. It may not be used, viewed, printed, shredded in fear or anger, lit on fire by your hair, forgotten, accidentally stored in short-term memory when it should be going to long-term (just sayin’), or taken on a “shortcut” (y’all know what I mean) without the expressed consent of Jake Moore’s Emotions and clay magazine.
Joy Jake: Helloooooo World!
Fear Jake: AH! The whole world is watching?!
Joy Jake: No, they’re reading. You know how this works; we’ve done it a million times.
Fear Jake: Ooooh, yeah right.
Sadness Jake: Do we have to do this now? I’m feeling kinda depressed.
Anger Jake: You’re always feeling depressed!
Joy Jake: Hey, guys, we can do this! C’mon, we have to work together as a team!
Disgust Jake: It’s hard to work together when angry boy over there keeps yelling.
Anger Jake: You wanna piece of me? Huh?
Joy Jake: Anger, calm down.
Anger Jake: I’m sorry.
Joy Jake: No worries, just let me finish the opening monologue. Ahem… Greetings to all you TPSers reading this article. It has come to our attention that we haven’t been getting the credit we think we deserve…
Disgust Jake: You mean the credit Anger thinks we deserve.
Anger Jake: Why I oughta…
Joy Jake: We agreed that he had a point, so we decided to write an article of our own. Now, of course, Jake will think that it’s just a hilarious idea that came to him as a sudden inspiration, but we’ll know the truth. So, via long-distance video call…
Disgust Jake: I’m still not completely sure how this even works.
Joy Jake: To be honest, I’m not sure it will, but we’re giving it a shot anyway! As I was saying, via long-distance video call we are interviewing our fellow emotions who starred in the film Inside Out! Now, let’s see if this works… (presses keys on the control console; the screen in front of them fuzzes with static before displaying a low-resolution video call) Hello? Can you hear us?
Joy (via call): Yes!… Can hear…
Joy Jake: We can hear you; can you hear us?
Anger Jake: Oh, of course, it’s not gonna work! Our one big chance to stand in the spotlight for a moment, and there it goes on the technical difficulties train! Toot toot!
Sadness (via call): I think… push this one…
(screen goes dark and sound clears up)
Disgust Jake: So much for a video call.
Anger Jake: Toot toot toot!
Fear (via call): Maybe try this one?
(Screen lights up and videocall resumes)
Joy Jake: Hey, it’s working!
Joy (via call): Hello there!
Joy Jake: General Kenobi.
Disgust (via call): Ugh, why did you have to go and make it awkward?
Sadness Jake: Now we’ve done it; the rest of the interview’s gonna be sooooooooo awkward.
Disgust Jake: Oh, give me a break. It was just a Star Wars reference.
Joy Jake: Let’s just move on, shall we? So, we wanted to know what you guys think about Valentine’s Day. I mean, it is February, so it’s kind of a thing this month.
Anger (via call): Valentine’s Day again?! It’s such a boring holiday! It’s just an excuse for Hallmark to make some extra cash between Christmas and Easter!
Fear (via call): Valentine’s day always makes me nervous. Normal conversations can get super awkward if you say the wrong thing around this time of year.
Disgust (via call): Like making a Star Wars reference.
Anger Jake: You wanna say that to my face?
Anger (via call): How about I say it to your face?!
Anger Jake: You wanna go, buster?! Name the time and place!
Joy Jake: Hey, guys, we’re getting off track here. We’re talking about Valentine’s Day, remember?
Sadness (via call): Valentine’s Day always makes me think of rejection. It happens so often these days: You meet somebody and think they’re “the one”, and then they go and break your heart!
Joy (via call): C’mon, guys! Valentine’s Day is a happy time of year! It’s a time to celebrate the people you care about!
Fear (via call): Then it’s a good thing we have Mom and Dad; we know they care about us!
Joy Jake: That’s true! Family is really important.
Anger Jake: Then again, I could live without Mom getting us up at 7:30 on Mondays for Calculus class.
Joy (via call): Hey, think about it positively! At least you know she cares enough to make sure you get to class on time!
Joy Jake: Yeah, you see? Every cloud has a silver lining!
Sadness (via call): I just remind them that the cloud’s still there.
Joy Jake: (pauses) I feel like I’ve heard that somewhere before.
Disgust Jake: It was Eeyore, dunderhead.
Joy Jake: Oh, right!
Anger Jake: (to Joy Jake) Why are you always trying to be positive? Can’t you let us other emotions have a turn at the wheel? Huh?!
Joy Jake: If I did that, then Jake would probably end up in a psychiatrist’s office.
Anger Jake: Oh yeah? Well… Actually, you make a good point.
(Beep! Beep! Beep!)
Sadness Jake: Awwww, it’s over? But we only got to ask one question…
Joy Jake: Well, we do have a bit of a word limit. Say goodbye, everybody!
Fear (via call) and Fear Jake: (In unison) AH! Is someone watching?!
Disgust Jake: Oh brother…
Anger Jake: (to Anger) Hey, why are you looking at me like that? You got a problem, buster?
Anger (via call): I think you’re the one who has the problem, pal!
Anger Jake: THIS MEANS WAR!!
Joy Jake: Ok, I’m gonna wrap up the article and then go break this up! Bye readers! Don’t forget to eat all your spinach, and Jake will see you next time!
Jake’s note: For those of you wondering, Joy Jake did get both Angers to settle down, preventing my head from exploding in the process. I hope y’all have a happy Valentine’s Day!