Humor

Upcoming Marvel Movies

Just a few days ago, Marvel Entertainment announced a few select members of a new generation of superheroes succeeding the Infinity Saga. Most of them are completely new characters who never appeared in the comics, so they won’t be as familiar to Marvel fans as the ones from the previous era, and it seems that they made some very unique choices. Here are some of the exclusive heroes:

Doberman/Dobermanman
Marvel stated that they had a rather difficult time deciding the name for this character. They were originally thinking of a chihuahua, due to its rather extreme energy levels, but rejected that idea because of how annoying that sort of dog is. They also considered a mix of doberman and chihuahua into a “doberhuahua,” but considered that unrealistic. Finally, they simply settled with a doberman (with a chihuahua being his arch-enemy), but they’re still debating over whether to call him “Doberman” or “Dobermanman.”

The origin of this character is the same generic idea as all the other heroes. An everyday baby boy gets bitten by a radioactive doberman and inherits the primary trait of a doberman: trainability. This includes potty training and such. But eventually he must save the world from the curse of chihuahuas.

Captain Antarctica
This character is supposedly Steve Rogers’ long lost second cousin’s great uncle’s brother-in-law’s nephew’s best friend’s friend (whom Rogers didn’t actually know… it was just interesting that they were so closely related). He got stranded in Antarctica and somehow learned how to control snow and ice. In his upcoming movie, he’s been commissioned to protect Antarctica from global warming. But the plot thickens. It turns out that his real enemy has been Santa all along, who has been using hairdryers to melt Antarctica.

(Unnamed) brother of Thor
This character is identical to Thor in almost every way except for the fact that he has a wrench instead of a hammer. He is also known as the god of plumbers. He generally served as the handyman of Asgard, and he has spent his entire life trying to fix the perpetual leak of that waterfall that falls off the edge of his planet (whoever designed that was an idiot. Where does the water come from if it just falls into space?).

Among his powers are:
1. Controlling all the plumbers in the universe
2. Having a knack for fixing clogged sinks or toilets
3. The ability to summon water from any faucet on his planet.

Also, his wrench isn’t his only weapon. Included among his arsenal are plungers, pliers, screwdrivers, Teflon tape (I dunno what he uses that for), and some PVC pipe.

In his movie, his nemesis wants to clog all the toilets on earth, and he needs to unclog them all before anyone uses them (or else it won’t be pretty).

With the announcement of these new characters, a lot of debate has ensued among Marvel fans. Many think that these are outrageously stupid choices, but most agree that recent movies have been pretty redundant, and need a change. According to one, these characters will “show the world what a hero is really like.”

24 Comments

  1. Lol, this is Great Aaron! Great Job!!😂

  2. Great job, Aaron!! This is amazing!! 😂😂

  3. This cracked me up so bad xDDD Great job, Aaron!

  4. omw this is amazing XDXDXD

  5. lollllll your twists are so funny! XD

  6. This is your best thing yet!

  7. ooh my gosh! this was amazing to read! it totally cracked me up. great job!

  8. R o f l, this is hilarious.

  9. LOL! This is so funny especially the part about the plumber! 🤣🤣

  10. I’m thoroughly confused and yet still laughing XD

  11. Absolutely amazing! I’m a huge marvel fan. Thank you so much for that; it was hilarious.

  12. Yes XD I started out super confused and then I finally figured it out

  13. Hahahahaha!!!!
    Love the Captain Antarctica

  14. A sTiCkY rAmEn NoOdLe

    I’m dead this is hilarious

  15. Haha Aaron! Great work. xD

  16. Me fav is that Captain Antarctica. When I visit Antarctica next next next next next next next next year, I’ll make sure I keep a sharp lookout for him.
    Great job on this btw, really well-written. I can’t believe you spoiled the movies for us like that but nvm, no one really cares lol

  17. this is amazing xD