Happy January, my friends! Welcome to the month of New Year’s resolutions, where we all try to live healthier, work out more, procrastinate less, and so on and so forth. But realistically, are we actually going to do any of that? Welcome to the wonderful world of Aaron’s mind, where the resolutions always get done.
And what resolution would that be? Live in a tree!
That’s right, my New Year’s resolution is to spend my days high above the ground in a tall, wood plant, waking up to beautiful sunrises over clouds of pine-scented fog and enjoying the natural beauty and company of these impressive trees.
Obviously this seems a rather difficult resolution to keep compared to jumping on your Peloton bike and pedaling away while wearing a rather frightened expression. Or replacing your daily meal of Cheetos, Doritos and other processed-orange colors with iceberg lettuce and raisins.
But the difficulty of this resolution is what makes this resolution especially easy. Once you get up in the tree, it’s pretty hard to get down. Thus, the resolution is self-enforcing: once you climb 100 feet up a redwood tree hauling bedding, multitudinous provisions and wooden planks, going back down doesn’t seem a very enticing prospect. But when you do get up to the top of the tree and share space with a bald eagle and a squirrel, it’s all worth it!
Now let us speak about the bad parts. All things have bad parts. First of all – getting out of bed. Every morning, I must master the careful balancing act between groggily rolling out of my bed and narrowly escaping a perilous fall to my death by falling off the side of my treehouse. Thankfully, there are plentiful branches to break my fall. I usually end up climbing 50 or so feet back up to my place so I can eat my breakfast. The daily exercise I am forced to conduct every day means that I am basically completing two resolutions at once.
Additionally, what happens to my trash? Good question. As a normal person, I dislike littering. So instead of disposing of my trash my letting it fall to the ground, I build a wing suit out of tree branches and fly to the nearest Dumpster to dispose of my trash. As they say, necessity is the mother of invention.
As I write this in my vegetated abode, I wish you all a wonderful new year and best of luck in keeping your resolutions. Have a great 2020!