Humor, Open Mic

Open Mic: Nap Time? No way! by Grace Wagner

Tired of being continuously dumped in that cage your parents call a crib? I sure am. My parents don’t seem to get the idea that I don’t want to go in there no matter how loudly I scream! And trust me, no noise can beat my 1:00 A.M. scream session! I cry so hard when I’m put in that thing, you would think they would get the idea and take me out, but they don’t! In fact, I have begun to believe that they put me in that thing ON PURPOSE!

So the reader may ask, “How do you avoid this crib?’’

My answer is, you don’t.

You need to make the best of the situation, so I would recommend that you do some quality, meaningless babbling, the kind that makes your parents go, “Awwww! She said “Dada!”

Only you and I know that those babies who babble are absolutely not saying “Dada,” but of course you should play along and add some “goo-goo-ga-gas” in there for the cute effect. I know from experience that being cute brings you one mark closer to getting yourself out of that crib!

So if you ever find yourself in that crib for a nap, hang in there and try to make the best of the situation! They’ll come back for you eventually. I hope… If you need ideas as to how to overcome the nap-time attack, I would recommend taking advice from the world-renowned baby professional—Jack-Jack from the movie The Incredibles! I recently interviewed Jack-Jack for some nap-time tips and tricks, and I will write it here for the benefit of all those babies out there who would like to be better at dealing with naps.

Me: Hello, or should I say, “goo-goo-ga-ga!’’ (chuckles)

Jack-Jack: Goooogababa! So what would you like me to talk about?

Me: I was hoping you would give us some tips and tricks for dealing with naps.

Jack-Jack: Oh those things…I know them well… (chuckles) I mainly use the blow-up-in-fire technique as my go-to with babysitters and parents, but laser eyes is also guaranteed to scare your sitter. (laughs mischievously)

Me: What would you suggest for those of us who lack those exceptional abilities?

Jack-Jack: I’d ask for a cookie. Just babble, “Nom nom cookie!!” and look cute! If your parents are the good kind, they’ll give you a cookie, and then at least you’ll have something to munch on in your crib. Cookies are nothing compared to dust bunnies (those are some quality munchies right there!) but they’re better than nothing.

Me: Thanks for the tips!

Jack-Jack: Anytime! Glad I could be of service! (Hears faraway call of “JACK-JACK…!!?” and glances over his shoulder) Uh oh. Looks like they didn’t fall for the stuffed-animal-under-the-blanket-means-Jack-Jack-is-in-bed trick. Oh well. At least it was worth a try! Thanks for the interview!

Me: Anytime! Bye!

Jack-Jack: Bye! (erupts in a ball of flame)

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Meet the Author

What TPS classes are you taking this year?
This is my first year taking classes with TPS. I’m taking French 1 (Two day) with Mme. Orsini.

What are your favorite books?
I’m kind of a bibliophile, so I have a lot of favorite books. If I had to pick one favorite book, I think I would pick Les Misérables. If you haven’t read Les Mis yet, I highly recommend it! It’s a fabulous read! I also enjoy The Giver quartet by Lois Lowry.

What pets do you have?
As far as furry friends go, I have a cat named Checkers, and my sister has a bunny named Parsley and a gerbil named Nibble. We also have a dozen or so chickens and a handful of goldfish. I hope to get goats sometime in the near future.

What is your MBTI personality type?
I’m proud to be an ENFP. I’m very sociable and talkative. One fun fact about me is that I’m left-handed. Many lefties are right-brained, and I am one of them, being very creative and intuitive.

If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Oh boy, I don’t think I could eat one meal for the rest of my life! I guess if I had to eat one meal for the rest of my life, I think I would pick salad because at least I’d have some variation. There are plenty of salad types (egg salad, fruit salad, kale salad) so I think I could live off of salad. However, I don’t think I’d enjoy my meals very much…

Are you a night owl or an early bird?
I’m totally an early bird all the way! Ever since I was a baby, I have always woken up super early in the morning. I love reading in the quiet of the morning and listening to the birds chirp.

What hobbies do you enjoy?
My family has kept honeybees twice in the past, but they died in the winter both times. My family and I brew kefir and kombucha, and I love experimenting with essential oils and aromatherapy. I’m a theater gal, and I love singing in my church’s choir and dancing with my church’s international ethnic dance troupe.

What is your favorite thing about writing?
I love putting my thoughts on paper and being able to express myself through my writing. Writing allows me to grow in ways that I wouldn’t be able to in real life and stepping into the shoes of a character allows me to experience various perspectives and views that I might not otherwise encounter. Writing is also super relaxing, so it’s a good break from the pressure of school and other activities.

9 Comments

  1. This was hilarious! Awesome job!

  2. Good job!! I enjoyed reading this a lot 🙂

  3. I’m glad ya’ll enjoyed it! 🙂

  4. Ahahahahaha! Nice! I hope Jack-Jack didn’t destroy your office. He certainly has a habit of destroying mine…

  5. LOLOLOL this is so cute and funny XDDDD
    good job!

  6. Haha! Open mic things are always great!

  7. Getting up early is awesome!

  8. Lol, this is hilarious!