Humor

New Year, Old Frenemies

Disclaimer: This article is the exclusive property of Jake Moore and clay Magazine. It may not be used, viewed, printed, blown up, dropped off a cliff, used to smack a dog on the head, used to trigger a mousetrap, or shoved into a cat’s mouth without the expressed consent of Jake Moore and clay Magazine.

Jake 328: Hellooooo!

(Awkward pause)

Jake 328: Hello? Anyone there?

(Another awkward silence)

Jake 328: Do you guys think this thing is supposed to talk back to me?

Tom and Jerry: (Shake their heads)

Jake 328: Oh. Ok. (Ahem) Hello, faithful readers… Ooooh, that’s why it doesn’t talk to me. Anyway, I’m Jake 328. Which means I’m not Jake Prime. Which means you’re probably wondering where he is. Which means I have to tell you. Well, he mentioned something about finishing his training as a Jedi Knight, handed me some sort of recording device, told me to interview the guys in his office, and left saying he’d be back in a few hours. So here I am with… um, who are you guys again?

Tom: (Points to a schedule on the office wall)

Jake 328: What? Where? Why?

Jerry: (Facepalms, then points to the schedule exaggeratedly)

Jake 328: Huh? (Sees a lightsaber mounted on the wall next to the schedule) Oh, you want a closer look at this? I guess it wouldn’t hurt… (Pulls on the lightsaber)

Tom: (Falls through a trapdoor in the floor)

Jake 328: Oops. Wrong lever.

Tom: (Storms into the office, rips the schedule off the wall, and shoves it into Jake 328’s face)

Jake 328: Hey! Cut it out! What are you… Ooooooh, your names are on here. Ok, lemme see… Tom and Jerry?

Tom and Jerry: (Nod furiously)

Jake 328: Ok, so which one is Tom?

Tom: (Stands and points to himself proudly)

Jerry: (Seizes the opportunity to put a tack on Tom’s chair)

Jake 328: Ok, you’re Tom. Which means the mouse is Jerry, right?

Tom: (Nods and begins to sit, but jumps back up with a cry when he sits on the tack)

Jerry: (Giggles gleefully)

Jake 328: Hey, play nice! (To himself) I’m starting to see why Prime looks so tired half of the time.

Tom: (Pulls a ridiculously large mallet out of seemingly nowhere, attempts to smash Jerry with it, but misses and ends up spinning in circles)

Jerry: (Continues giggling)

Jake 328: Give me that! (Takes the mallet from Tom) I don’t think that you should be messing with these kinds of things if you don’t know how to properly use them.

Tom: (Gives Jake 328 a questioning look)

Jake 328: You almost squashed your friend! Now sit down so we can continue with the interview.

Tom: (Begins to sit, but jumps up with a cry when he sits on the tack again)

Jerry: (Falls off his chair giggling)

Tom: (Grins mischievously and places the tack on Jerry’s chair)

Jake 328: Calm down, Jerry. We need to get back to the interview or I’ll never get to ask any real questions.

Jerry: (Calms down, then climbs up onto the chair Tom was sitting on earlier)

Tom: (Completely forgets the tack he just placed on the chair and sits down on it then leaps up with a yelp)

Jake 328: Why do you keep shouting? It’s not like you keep sitting on something sharp…

Tom: (Gives Jake 328 an incredulous look, then points to the tack on his chair)

Jerry: (Swipes the tack before Jake 328 can see it)

Jake 328: What are you pointing to? There’s nothing there but the chair.

Tom: (Turns in surprise to look at the chair, then quickly sits down before Jerry can put the tack back)

Jerry: (Hiccups)

Jake 328: What’s that Jerry?

Jerry: (Hiccups again)

Jake 328: Tom, see if you can help him with his hiccups.

Tom: (Smiles mischievously, takes the tack from Jerry and proceeds to poke him in the rear with it)

Jerry: (Squeaks in surprise)

Jake 328: Hey! That’s not what I meant! Oh well… Did it work?

Jerry: (Waits a few moments, then nods)

Jake 328: Good! Now we can finally get to the questions!

Jake Prime: (Peeks in through the door) Honey, I’m home!!

Jake 328: Oh hey, you’re back! …Wait, I thought you were too young to be married…

Jake Prime: It’s a joke, 328.

Jake 328: Oh. Well, we were just about to get to the questions…

Jake Prime: Actually, I think it’s time to wrap up.

Jake 328: But the timer hasn’t gone off yet…

Jake Prime: Wait for it. Wait for iiiiiiiiiiiit…

(Beep! Beep! Beep!)

Jake 328: Oh. That means it’s time to say goodbye. Well, Tom, Jerry, I guess… HEY! What are you two doing?!

Jerry: (Freezes in mid-air jumping over a crumpled paper on the floor as he runs away from Tom)

Tom: (Freezes with his mallet in mid-swing about to smash Jerry)

Jake Prime: We should probably wrap this up before someone gets smashed. Bye, everybody!

Tom and Jerry: (Both wave goodbye before returning to their chase)

Jake 328: Oh, cool! I get to do the outro! Until next time, readers… TOM! Put down that shoehorn!!

27 Comments

  1. Ha! Great job Jake! (And Jake 328 as well)

  2. Lol, good job Jake! this is Great!😂

  3. this is awesome. great job!

  4. May I have permission to shove this into a cats mouth please? 😂

  5. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GREAT JOB ONCE AGAIN!

  6. That’s so funny! Great job!

  7. HAHA, YAAAAASSSS TOOM AND JERRYYYY!!!! xDDD
    This was hilariousss and made me dayyyy so thank yeeeeeee

  8. LOLOLOL this is so funny!!!!

  9. I do have to ask… May I please have permission to blow it up? (I would be fine with using this article to trigger a mouse trap as well.)

  10. This is Sweet! what show is the picture form? and the one in the end where he slides the mouse-hole over?

  11. Great job once again, Jake!

  12. I shoved i in a cats mouth and gave it to Jerry… can i have another copy? (I blew my 3rd copy up)

  13. Hi, Jake! Thanks for posting these funny articles! I absolutly love reading random stuff before class starts, and these are what I usually read! I do have a Q though: How do you post on Clay Mag? I’ve been wanting to post a story, but I don’t know how.

  14. This is so awesome!