Humor, Open Mic

Open Mic: It’s Debate Season! by Joshua Wideman

Disclaimer: This article is the exclusive property of Joshua Wideman and clay magazine. It may not be used, viewed, printed, turned invisible, presented as debate material, fed to a rabbit, duck, or any other animal, or mistaken for a Jake Moore article without the expressed consent of Joshua Wideman and clay magazine. Violators will be subject to…whatever Jake normally does to violators.

 

Micah: First

 

Luke: (at the same time) First

 

Micah: Ha! Beat you!

 

Luke: No, I beat you!

 

Joshua: Welcome, ladies and gents, to my Christmas Debate Extravaganza! Joining me in my office today are two TPSers ready to square off over one of the most pressing issues of this season. Please welcome our debaters, my brothers Luke and Micah!

 

Micah: I won!

 

Luke: I WON!

 

Micah: I WON!

 

Joshua: Guys, guys, save it for the debate. Luke and Micah here are going to debate a rather controversial topic. When should people begin to decorate for Christmas? Guys?

 

Micah: I WON!

 

Luke: I WON!

 

Micah: I WON!

 

Luke: I WON!

 

Joshua: I WON!

 

Luke: Wait, what?

 

Micah: I’m confused…

 

Joshua: Technically, I posted the disclaimer, so I was actually the first to speak.

 

Micah: I guess so…

 

Luke: Fine…

 

Joshua: Glad we agree. Now, Micah, what is your view on our topic?

 

Micah: I think that it’s acceptable to begin celebrating in November. Thanksgiving is not as big or important a holiday as Christmas, especially in countries other than America. Therefore, there is no reason to set aside an entire month to celebrate Thanksgiving. A few days before are just fine, leaving the rest of the month for jamming to carols and shopping for lucrative gifts.

 

Joshua: Excellent thoughts, Micah. Luke, what are your thoughts?

 

Luke: DECEMBER!

 

Joshua: Uh… Luke, that’s not how a debate works…

 

Luke: It is now.

 

Joshua: (mutters) Siblings… OK then… Any other…

 

Micah: NOVEMBER!

 

Luke: DECEMBER!

 

Micah: NOVEMBER!

 

Luke: DECEMBER!

 

Joshua: Calm down, guys. You two are worse than Bugs and Daffy.

 

Bugs: Duck season!

 

Daffy: Wabbit season!

 

Joshua: Yikes! How did you two get in here? *glances behind himself to see big hole in the wall*

 

Luke: How did that get there?

 

Mysterious Voice: YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!!!!!!!

 

Joshua: Oh no…

 

Bugs: What was that?

 

Joshua: I think I know… *throws his pen at the window, but it hits something invisible.*

 

Mysterious Voice: Ow!

 

Joshua: Ah ha! Got him! *tackles invisible figure to the floor*

 

Joshua 293: You may have gotten me this time, Major, but you still have to deal with my little friends!

 

Bugs: Duck season!

 

Daffy: Wabbit season!

 

Joshua: Wait, Major? I thought I was Joshua Prime.

 

Joshua 293: You were, until Jakes 5, 37, and 382 sued us for copyright infringement. So now you’re Joshua Major.

 

Joshua: Interesting…

 

Mercy: Hey Joshua, there’s a guy at the door looking for…uh…you…

 

Joshua: Let him in, sis. It’s probably Jake.

 

*Jake enters the room and sees Joshua 293*

 

Jake: Ah ha! Come here, you hooligan!

 

Joshua 293: Uh oh…gotta run! *vanishes*

 

Micah: What was that about?

 

Jake: That dude showed up in my office and let Baby Groot in again!

 

Joshua: *facepalm* Why did I think this was a good idea…

 

(Beep! Beep! Beep!)

 

Joshua: Okay everyone, say goodbye!

 

Luke: DECEMBER!

 

Micah: NOVEMBER!

 

Bugs: Duck season!

 

Daffy: Wabbit season!

 

Jake and Mercy: Wait, how did you two get here?

 

Joshua: Until next time, everyone! Happy holidays!

 

This article was sponsored by Jake Moore, who wants others to see just how much he goes through to produce articles for us. What would we do without you, Jake?

______________________________

Meet the Author

How old are you?
I’m 15. Fun fact: My half-birthday is Christmas!

Where do you live?
I live in Chiang Mai, Thailand, but I’m originally from Stillwater, Oklahoma (Go OSU!)

What classes are you taking with TPS?
I’m taking English 4/5 Children’s Lit with Mrs. Thomas, Bible Survey with Dr. Juneman, Intro to Computer Programming with Mr. Gray, and US Government (Civics) and Economics with Mr. Mailand.

What’s your favorite thing about writing?
Everything! Writing is something I wish I could do every day. I especially like writing stories about my friends and seeing their reactions at being turned into magicians, pirates, etc.

41 Comments

  1. Lol! Great job! I love how you put your siblings into it too.

  2. I AM LITERALLY LOLing.

  3. Lol! Great Article!

  4. HAHA this was epic
    GO BLUE!

  5. DECEMBER!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!

  6. This is hilarious!

  7. This is great! Glad I could (fictionally) participate…

    • It was really fun to take your style and see what happened. And the part about my clones was so much fun to write.

  8. This is so funny!!!!!! I know I’m not supposed to mistake this for a Jake Moore article, but it is remarkably similar to his articles!

  9. LOL this is so awesome!!! I love it!! (btw, DECEMBER!)

  10. LOL!!! I love the appearance of Bugs and Daffy! This is hilarious! (P.S., I take US Gov. as well!)

  11. DECEMBER!
    I agree with Luke.

  12. Isaac Zenko the Great

    Wow! It’s hilarious! I love it! It made me laugh, even tho I was sick. (So, it made me cough to my ‘death.’) It’s funny that u put Bugs and Daffy in your magazine…lol. Also, Micah is my BF…ya. Dab it.

  13. SKARG this was HILARIOUSSS!!! I’ve been laughing so hard while reading this xDD

  14. Wow!! I wish I was in English 4/5… now I feel like i’m a dumb dumb… but itz ok😆

  15. LOL, very fun! Clever intro. Great to see your writing here, Joshua! ~ MsG