Jonathan Carmicheal drives down the road in his car, the static-filled stereo blaring music. This is not just any car, however. It is his classic second-generation Chevrolet Corvette Stingray, built in 1963, containing a trunk filled with various weapons, and a fresh catch of raw cod sitting in the back seat. Awed children crowd around, risking their lives and their olfactory senses for a glimpse of the Stingray. Among these children is a young reporter. After the crowd melts away, the reporter remains, running after Jonathan.
“Mr. Carmicheal! Can you answer some questions for a magazine?” After repeated queries along these lines from the reporter, Jonathan adjusts his black belt, his hands and feet assuming a stance from Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Quickly, he darts out of his car, maintaining its course with his foot while attacking the reporter with his other 3 appendages.
After eliminating the reporter, Jonathan gets back into his car. A mysterious notepad is on the seat next to him. Picking it up, Jonathan realizes that it is a list of questions, which he begins to answer.
If you have a nickname, where did it originate from:
Pondering, Jonathan’s mind fills with his many nicknames.
“I got Yonny from Joel Kim in Chem section 6, I got Mini Riesen from Liv Aden also in Chem, I got Squirrel Soup from the people in Literary Survey like 3 years ago, and I don’t remember where but I got Qui-Gon-Jon. Maybe it came to me in a dream as a baby…”
How many years you have been with TPS, what grade are you, and how old are you:
“This is my 4th year with TPS, I’m a junior, and I’m 16.”
List something unexpected about you:
Although there are many unexpected things about Jonathan, he picks the most unexpected:
Thinking back to his activities this morning, this question is easy for Jonathan.
“Hunting, fishing, tubing and waterskiing (during the summer of course), and I also really like guns and knives and such.”
Favorite Quote and Bible Verse:
“Charles Dudley Warner said, ‘Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.’”
My favorite Bible verse is: Romans 8:38-39.
If you could be an animal, what would you be and why:
“A wolverine, because they’re mid-sized, pretty rare, has huge territories, and are total kick-butts when they fight other stuff. Like these things take on full sized bears.”
What is something you would like to do one day and why:
“Skydive, because I feel like that’s the closest I can get to feel like I’m dying while being relatively safe.”
Would you rather be a donut or a bagel, and why:
Biting into the apple fritter on his table, Jonathan has a brainwave.
“Can I be an apple fritter? Apple fritters are the rich people of donuts.”
Question 9: If you had the opportunity to, would you want to live underwater? Explain your answer:
“Heck yes; the terrain is awesome, the creatures are awesome, and I’d have 80% of the world to roam around on instead of 20%.”
What is your favorite word and why:
“Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis, because I’m the only person I know who can say it.”
Extrovert/Introvert or MBTI type?
“Well I guess I’d like to think of myself as ENFJ ‘The Protagonist’”
If you could be a color, what color would you be and why?
Looking down at his black clothes, Jonathan begins to write.
“Black; it’s straight up classy.”
What’s your favorite movie and book and why?
“I really don’t know what my favorite book is, but my favorite movie is probably Napoleon Dynamite. It does a beautiful job with dry humor.”
Dog or cat?
“How about dog.”
“Well if me playing bass can be considered a subject then bass.”
Fiction or non-fiction?
“Fiction; first of all, anything can happen. Secondly, if I’m reading a non-fiction book and something crazy happens, then that means I have to mentally cope with the fact that that happened in real life.”
What’s your passion, and why do you enjoy it?
“Classic cars and martial arts. I like classic cars because there are so many of them and they’re so cool to see and learn about, and I like martial arts because I’ve been doing it for a long time, and when I was a kid it seemed like the coolest thing to me.”
What is your catchphrase? How did this phrase come to be your catchphrase?
“My catchphrase sounds like a sneeze, I got this from a good friend who moved to Texas a while back; he knew all sorts of funny things to say like that, and I really liked this one so I picked it up.”