(All these voices in my head get loud)
I walked up to the priests, not believing what I was about to do. Steeling myself, I looked up, my eyes meeting those of the priests. Almost unbidden, the words left my mouth, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver Him to you?” I did not need to say who I meant. Caiaphas, the head priest, looked back at me, his eyes showing loathing and disgust, even though I was doing him a huge favor.
“Thirty pieces of silver.”
To my shame, the first thought to cross my mind follows, Worth it.
(I wish that I could shut them out)
Yeshua’s words echoed through my brain, the words about someone who would betray Him. Even as He said them, I could still see pure love for me but also a glimpse of sadness. Yet when He handed me the bread, I found my legs moving underneath me. Rage filled my soul as I wondered why He had called me out in front of the rest of the group. I quickly stormed out, barely hearing His words.
“What you are about to do, do quickly.”
Who does He think He is, shaming me?
Finding the priests, I told them where Jesus would be heading, the Mount of Gethsemane. As I led the men to the mount, I still could not quite believe what I was about to do. This man had cared for me and yet here I was. Thirty silver coins would set me up well. Maybe I could save Him later and get both the money and Yeshua.
Don’t deny it. You know what you’re doing.
(I’m sorry that I let you down)
I walked up to Yeshua, steeling myself. Planting a kiss on His cheek, I said, “Greetings, Rabbi.” I called Him Teacher, in a vain attempt to ask for forgiveness. The silver weighed heavily in my pocket; I could barely restrain myself from shaking. As I stepped back from Him, I saw His eyes. Looking into them, I felt His presence pierce my soul, and remorse and sadness I had never felt before shattered my inner peace.
Soon after betraying my teacher, I ran to the priests, barely able to contain my tears of sadness as I did so. Throwing the silver, the mere metal with which I had killed my greatest friend, down to the ground, I admitted aloud, “I have sinned, for I have betrayed innocent blood.” Upon having those words leave my mouth, I realized the full implications. I can’t continue living like this…there’s no way. I didn’t even try to see Yeshua once more. Instead, I ran. I ran from my friends, my family. I ran from a life of guilt and remorse. I ran straight into the arms of death.
(Le-le-let you down)
I wish I had learned my lesson while still on Earth. Now, I’m here in Hades, eternally separated from the Lord of the Universe. Learn from my mistakes, humanity. There is always forgiveness. If I could redo it, I would, but I can’t. Nothing is unforgiveable. Live for Him, not for mere matter that moth and rust destroy.
(Words in parentheses are taken from NF’s song “Let You Down.”)
Meet the Author
How old are you?
Where do you live?
Plainfield, Illinois (about an hour south of Chicago)
What classes are you taking with TPS?
English 6: College American Literature and Composition, Forensic Science, Quantitative Reasoning for College Math, AP/College Psychology, US History Through Film (Fall Semester), World History Through Film (Spring Semester), and Worldviews Through Movies, Music, Art, and Social Media
What’s your favorite thing about writing?
Writing, to me, is like painting a picture, but just with words instead of colors. I can’t draw for the life of me, but words, words have always come easily. I can express emotions and sufferings and joys and sadness all with words. Emotions I can’t express with speech, but I can paint with words. Those emotions the English language doesn’t have words for but can be described with other words and phrases that all humans understand.