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Jake: Hello, World! Once again, I have returned to bring you your monthly dose of hilarity from fictional characters. This month, to start my last year on staff, I have chosen to bring in a new character who came in at the end of an era. Ladies and Gents, I give you Forky!
Forky: Uh, trash?
Jake: No, Forky, not trash. It’s an interview.
Forky: What’s that?
Jake: Well, I’ll ask you questions, and you’ll answer them. I’ll record your answers and post them online.
Forky: Oh. Buzz said you were a bad guy.
Jake: What? Oh, I get it. He meant the slightly evil version of me, Jake 48. I haven’t seen him since the last article I wrote.
Forky: Is he trash?
Jake: Umm… I guess you could say that. Oh, speaking of which, I came up with a new code-phrase. If I say, “Renegade”, that means it’s me, not an imposter.
Forky: (Distracted by his hand) Huh? What?
Jake: It’s my superhero name.
Forky: What is?
Jake: I dunno, I just thought it sounded cool.
Jake: Why what?
Forky: Why are you telling me your superhero name?
Jake: (Blinks) You weren’t listening to me about the code-phrase?
Forky: I just remember you saying somebody was trash.
Jake: (Sighs) Ok, try to pay attention.
Forky: I’m not good at that. Even if I am alive.
Jake: Sentient. It’s sort of another word for alive.
Forky: Then why don’t you just say, “alive”?
Jake: Well, sentient is more specific.
Forky: But it makes me confused.
Jake: Sorry. Let me put it this way: sentient means a special kind of alive.
Forky: That still doesn’t make much sense.
Jake: Well, how would you like me to explain it?
Forky: Well, why is that guy trash?
Jake: (Blinks again) You’re still stuck on that?
Forky: Yeah, I’ve had this piece of clay stuck to my sticks ever since Bonnie made me.
Jake: No, I didn’t mean the clay, I meant the part where we were talking about Jake 48.
Forky: He’s old!
Jake: No, he’s not 48 years old, he’s Jake 48 because he’s from Earth 48. Also, 48 isn’t that old.
Forky: How do you know?
Jake: Well… I, uh…
Forky: (pointing to a Minifigure on the desk) Is that the trash guy?
Lego Luke Skywalker: I’m not trash! I’m a Jedi Knight!
Jake: Sorry about that Luke. He’s a little confused.
Luke: No worries. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to catch up with Han. He’s waiting for me.
Forky: Bye everyone!
Jake: No, Forky, not yet.
Forky: Oh. Hello everyone!
Jake: It’s a little late for that too.
Forky: Oh. Trash everyone!
Jake: (Smacks forehead) Not that either!
(Beep! Beep! Beep!)
Jake: Ah, now it’s time.
Forky: Trash everyone!
Jake: No, time to say goodbye.
Forky: I already did.
Jake: You don’t want to say it again?
Forky: I guess I can. Bye, everyone!
Jake: Alrighty, I guess it’s my turn. Bye, everybody! Until next month, I’m riding off into the sunset!
Forky: I thought you were sitting in a chair.
Jake: I was trying to be poetic.
Forky: What’s that?
Jake: I’ll explain later. Bye!