A giant auditorium thunders with applause as the MC’s voice bounces around the expertly engineered building. “Our latest guest on Aaron’s Celebrity Interview is… Gabe Ratcliffe!”
The crowd’s roaring reaches a crescendo as a young man walks onto the freshly waxed stage, his sneakers squeaking on the wooden boards. He sits down on a chair across from Aaron.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Ratcliffe!”
“Nice to meet you too, Aaron!”
With the echoes of clapping still reverberating throughout the auditorium, Aaron speaks.
“So, to start off, what’s your favorite hobby?”
“My main hobby is definitely basketball. I usually spend anywhere from 3-5 hours a day playing basketball with my friends. I’ve been playing for 7 years or so, and it has really become kinda like a lifestyle. Also, I am an Eagle Scout, so I’ve been going hiking and camping for years now, and it is another one of my favorite things to do. I live in northern VA, really close to the Appalachian trail, so there are really beautiful mountain ranges to go camping and hiking on.”
Aaron flips a few papers on his notebook and nods. “I play street basketball every now and then, but definitely not 3 hours a day. I admire your stamina.”
Someone in the audience shouts, “Me too!”, winning a grin from Gabe. Someone records this and posts it on youtube, garnering 15 minutes of fame.
“Next question: what’s your favorite subject?”
For a few seconds, Gabe considers the question. “Probably Chinese. I’ve been learning Chinese for about 7 years now. And it is just super interesting to me, and I would love to be able to use that in my future career.”
“Awesome!” says Aaron. “Did you know that American spy agencies prefer applicants who can speak other languages? Anyway, what kind of stuff do you obsess over?”
“Well, back to my discussion of basketball, whenever my friend and I are done playing/training basketball, we have a rule where we need to make 5 three pointers in a row without missing. So after playing hours and hours of basketball in the scorching heat, sinking 5 three pointers is way more difficult than it sounds. Both of us refuse to leave the court unless we’ve made our shots. It doesn’t matter how late it is, we HAVE to make them.” Gabe mimes wiping sweat off his brow. Aaron mimes chugging gatorade.
“Time for an unusual question! Imagine you are falling into a volcano. What would you scream and why?”
“Hmmm, I’m going to need some time to think about that.” The building falls deadly quiet as Gabe mulls over the question. “Oh I know! I’d like to imagine that mid-fall I’d suddenly become fluent in some ancient language and summon some sort of mythical being! Otherwise I don’t think there would be anything to do when I’m falling to certain death.”
Another question breaks the silence: “If you had to eat dog food, cat food, or fish food, which one would you choose?”
Chuckles ripple through the crowd as Gabriel responds.
“Definitely fish food! You hear about if you feed a fish too much then they eat too much and die. Well what food can be that good that you eat so much it kills you? That is totally something I wanna try.”
“Indeed. As a proud aquarium owner, I have to steel myself and not feed my fish, despite how sad they look, because I know they can eat themselves literally to exploding. It’s even worse because I keep pufferfish. You can’t tell if they’re puffing or too full!” The crowd laughs even harder. Aaron smiles and continues. “Alright, and the final question! What made you want to be a reporter in the first place?”
“Well, history is also one of my favorite subjects, and I love being connected to what is going on around the world. However, there are so many biased media outlets, which makes it super hard to get well-rounded reporting. So I love being an informant, and I am really going to try as hard as possible to be as unbiased as possible.” The crowd claps in honor of his worthy goal, as Aaron and Gabe shake hands and then turn to the audience.
“Thanks for coming everyone! See you guys next time!”
The two walk out of opposite sides of the stage as the sounds of thunderous clapping rises throughout the building.