Humor

The Advice and Random Thoughts Almanac

Hello my dear readers! It has come to my attention that this is the last edition of this year’s clay. After four years with TPS and one year with clay, I am venturing out into the jungle, ahem, public school. All this was on my mind when my editor smashed down the door to my house – as he does every month – to find out what I was going to write. I, already googling the price of a new door, told him I was going to share my random thoughts from the past four years, as well as little pieces of advice. So here goes:

 

If a teacher is a few minutes late to class, it probably has something to do with coffee.

 

Apparently, TPS Support notices if you put too much spam in the chat box when a teacher isn’t in the room.

 

If you can’t achieve perfect, too bad, you should.

 

Pineapple on pizza is the way it’s meant to be.

 

If you have no clue what someone is talking about, just nod your head and say “wow” about 100 times.

 

Never set a timer when going on forums. It’s meant to eat your time away.

 

There is never a wrong time to wear a hat, just a wrong hat to wear at that time.

 

Only believe in not-dumb stuff. For example, I believe that penguins can fly. They’re just too shy to do so around humans.

 

Procrastination isn’t putting off work until the last minute, it’s giving your mind as much time to ponder as possible.

 

If you’re sharing a dish, always let the other person take the first bite. If they drop dead, you know they’ve eaten the poisoned part and the rest is fine and for your enjoyment.

 

When people say something is out of whack, what even is a whack?

 

Always make sure your car’s airbags work by crashing it into the nearest lamppost.

 

Never trust someone who puts the milk in before the cereal.

 

People say never trust a person until you see their face. I guess that doesn’t apply to the world of online schooling.

 

If you don’t want someone to ask you to do something again, just do it terribly the first time.

 

Always swim with a friend. That way, your chances of being eaten by a shark drop 50%.

 

Isn’t dying doing what you loved a very morbid way to die?

 

Why is “wise man” a compliment and “wise guy” an insult?

 

Would an Apple-made car have windows?

 

When you first meet people on GP6, they sound a certain way in the chatbox. After you hear them on mic, that way is forever changed.

 

But finally, and most importantly, always take me 100% completely and utterly seriously. Have a great summer!

24 Comments

  1. I seriously have to agree with the second last statement. Of course, all of it is true and makes absolute sense but I remember everyone’s reaction when they heard my Aussie accent for the first time. Well done for the final Humor post for the school year and enjoy the holidays!

  2. I agree with everything you said……… except for 1………. PINEAPPLE DOESN’T BELONG ON PIZZA Y’ALL!!! 😛

  3. lol I will remember the airbag advice when I buy a Ferrari.

  4. Would an Apple-made car have windows?
    lol thats the best

  5. I think as soon as I get a car (in a few years) I will try your advice “Always make sure your car’s airbags work by crashing it into the nearest lamppost.” and I’m sure they’ll love that 😉

  6. Pineapple belongs on pizza. Pizza is one of the only places it does belong on.

  7. This is hilarious!!!!! I especially like the one about being eaten by a shark…….

  8. i laughed all the way through this xD

    this is amazing, nick.
    i relate especially to the one about people’s face 😛

  9. Just wondering if anyone knows whether the final chapter of “A Soldier’s Search” is coming out soon. I’ve been expecting it for over a month now! XD 😛