FAIRY-TALE LAND ACTION NEWS
ANNOUNCER: You may remember the incident of the Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf that occurred this day last year. The story has gone viral since: It’s all over news networks, social media outlets, blogs, magazines—you name it. However, as the story has spread like wildfire, errors, exaggerations, and extra information has been added to the story, so the story that you may have heard about the Little Red Riding Hood Incident would be very different from the story your neighbor heard about it.
On this first anniversary of the Little Red Riding Hood Incident we have a special interview with Little Red Riding Hood herself, to clarify the story and to set the record straight…
JILLIAN: Hello, Little Red Riding Hood.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: Hello!
J: So, to begin with, what exactly were you doing travelling through the forest alone to your grandmother’s at this time last year?
LRRH: Grandmother is not sick. Mother and I visit her every Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. That Wednesday, Mother was busy and couldn’t take me, but I wanted to go, so I went.
J: She let you go?
LRRH: Well… kind of. I told her I was going, and she didn’t say no. Visiting Grandmother is always so nice, and I love getting to eat some pastries or cake.
J: … Ok then … Were you carrying anything to your Grandmother’s? A basket of some sort?
LRRH: I took my basket, but there wasn’t anything in it.
J: Then why did you bring it?
LRRH: To take home all of the cake or sweets that I knew Grandmother would give me.
J: Interesting. So how did you meet the Big Bad Wolf?
LRRH: I was skipping along the path. It was spring, but it was still chilly, so I took my red riding hood. Plus, wearing it is fun. Anyways, I stopped to rest at the crossroads and the Big Bad Wolf appeared!
J: He just appeared?
LRRH: Uh… Oh. To come to think of it, he came down from the path in the direction of the Fairy Tale Land Detention Center.
J: … And did you recognize him?
LRRH: Of course I did! His picture’s always on TV.
J: What did you do? And what did the Wolf do?
LRRH: I was surprised. He smiled at me and asked what I was doing. I told him I was going to Grandmother’s further down the road.
J: You just told him?
LRRH: Yeah? He asked nicely, and Mother tells me to answer people when they ask questions.
LRRH: Anyways, he then smiled when I told him that Grandmother’s had lots of cakes and was lots of fun and disappeared.
J: He… disappeared?
LRRH: Well, he went around the bend. Towards Grandmother’s house, I think.
LRRH: I got up later and skipped on towards her house.
J: When did you arrive?
LRRH: I think it was 2.
J: What did you do?
LRRH: I went into Grandmother’s house.
J: Didn’t you knock or anything?
LRRH: Nope. She always leaves it unlocked, so I just went in.
J: What did you see?
LRRH: The kitchen was a mess. Cake and icing and jam was all over the place. I didn’t see Grandmother. She wasn’t in her bedroom, though the covers were all over the place. There was this snoring sound, but it certainly wasn’t Grandmother’s.
J: Did you find who was snoring?
LRRH: No. I was too scared.
J: What did you do next?
LRRH: Well, I ran out screaming, and the next thing I knew, Mr. Woodcutter was there. He sat me down on the lawn and went in with his axe.
J: What happened?
LRRH: The police came and carried off the Big Bad Wolf. The ambulance came and carried off Grandmother. The reporters came and carried off Mr. Woodcutter. Mother came and carried off me.
J: Wow. What did the Big Bad Wolf do? Did he eat your Grandmother?
LRRH: No, he just ate all the cake. I didn’t get any cake or pastries, but I did have to help my mother clean up Grandmother’s house. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t get any cake.
J: … What happened to your Grandmother?
LRRH: She got a heart attack. She’s fine now, though. We still visit her, but she locks her doors now.
J: Wow. That’s interesting. Did you learn anything from this incident?
LRRH: I think so.
J: What did you learn?
LRRH: Never have anything to do with the Big Bad Wolf — he gets you in trouble and steals all of Grandmother’s sweets.
J: … Ok then. Do you have any final words about this incident for the audience?
LRRH: Not really, but it was exciting.
LRRH: Oh, and, also, Mother took me to the sweets shop that afternoon to find something to soothe me and to clear my mind after that incident.
ANNOUNCER: Aaaaand that’s it! Thanks for joining us for this special interview with Little Red Riding Hood about what really happened in the Little Red Riding Hood Incident. Be sure to tune in tomorrow at 2 as we interview Prince Charming on the topic “How to be Charming.”