There are a number of proven facts among the student community, including the following: sleep is unnecessary, guessing on multiple choice questions is a proven path to success, and most importantly, listening to music while studying cannot be beaten. But what most students don’t know is that they’re most likely listening to the wrong music. Studies have proven that the best music for study purposes is actually the most obscure of “indie” music, or the bands that no one has ever heard of and which have no fandom whatsoever.
This reporter had the privilege of speaking with a Mr. Andrew Cutter, researcher at the Wilemaker Institute of Music Studies and Educational Aids. Mr. Cutter says that most students don’t even realize their mistake in music selection. “Most kids are out there listening to bands such as Twenty-One Pilots, Imagine Dragons, or heaven forbid, one of those awful rappers who shall go unnamed. These last, in particular, are horrible for the innocent minds of already overworked high school and college kids,” says Mr. Cutter. The answer, according to the WIMSEA, is indie music.
“Have you ever heard of Twice Burgundy? 6 Feet Below the Lava? Milo Caught the Cat?” Mr. Cutter’s response when I told him I had not was smug: “You’ve just proved my point.”
A recent study from a different institution, the Teen Music Association of the UK, proves the same point: teens learn better when listening to obscure indie bands. Two groups of students were tested: one group listened only to the most popular artists, such as Fall Out Boy, Adele, or Bastille, while the other group was permitted to listen to only little-known groups like Mary Carrie, Sasha the Dreamcatcher, and Clock’s Tickin’. The second group got straight A’s, while the first group, their minds corrupted by the foul influence of popular music, found their grades lowering on a sharp decline.
“It’s pretty obvious what this means,” said an ambassador from the TMAUK, who asked to remain anonymous due to sharing opinions not associated with the company. “The problem with modern schooling is not, in fact, the teachers, the curriculum, or the homework load. We could solve all problems with school entirely, raise the grades of every kid out there, if they would only listen to these little groups whose work could so influence their minds!”
One question I asked the ambassadors from both organizations was this: What will happen when enough people are listening to “obscure” groups that they are, in fact, no longer obscure?
Mr. Cutter did not seem worried about that. “I think if these groups start to become popular, we’ll find a new plethora of unknowns to share with the teens. And don’t forget that trends fizzle out quickly—new trends like that won’t last. I think it’s a minor concern, especially when compared to the evil these kids are exposed to nowadays.”
The ambassador from TMAUK did not have an answer to the question, evading it with a response of, “Well, I suppose we’ll see when we get there, won’t we?”
From this study and these organizations it is obvious: We need to be instructing our students to listen to less big artists and instead focus on supporting smaller bands. Spread the word.
Disclaimer: The institutions and studies cited in this article are fictional. Listen to whatever sort of music you want.…as long as it’s indie music.