Recently, on March 5th, a groundbreaking story reached far and wide all across the world. In an effort to further assert his dominance with other world leaders, US President Donald Trump has challenged Spanish Pedro Sanchez and Italian president Sergio Matteralla to a dance off. As everyone knows, Spain’s flamenco and Italy’s tango have long dominated the world’s stage in terms of national pride and recognition. President Trump is here to shake things up.
Sources have said that Donald Trump feels “offended and angry at the lack of recognition that American dances and dancers receive.” Following a press interview where President Trump made the statement, he took to Twitter to personally call out the other two nations’ leaders by saying, “I am appalled by the disrespect that the hard working American people receive when it comes to the arts. We invented the ‘Crank Dat,’ ushered in by my personal friend Soulja Boy, ‘the whip,’ ‘nae-nae,’ ‘the dab,’ and of course the ‘Charleston.’ I challenge President Sanchez, and President Matteralla to a dance off. It’s gonna be huge!”
The three leaders met in Rome to discuss the conditions and rules of the intense competition. All of the leaders decided on traditional dances that properly represent their countries. Spain’s President Sanchez has decided to prove Spain’s superiority by demonstrating how to properly dance the flamenco. Italian President Matteralla opted to perform the traditional Italian folk-dance, the tango. He will be dancing with his wife because, of course, it takes two to tango. President Trump, keeping with the agreed upon conditions of culturally influential dances, decided to break out the big guns by doing the Charleston. He explained that there would be five women dressed as flappers, their fringed dresses and bobbed hairdos flapping in the wind. As President Trump detailed his preferred setting and music, he also openly mused that he may perform The Whip for his encore.
Initially, the contest was all supposed to be in good fun, however things started to get blown way out of proportion. Reporters have stated that during a dinner, President Sanchez and President Matteralla got into a heated debate regarding the quality of the noodles prepared. President Trump, being the peacemaker that he is, quickly stepped in and reminded them about the competition, asking the world leaders to settle it on the dance floor. Soon afterwards, the three countries settled on a first place prize. They decided that the winner of the contest has the right to fly to the sun, plant a flag on it, and charge the world rent for using the sun.
Naturally, Trump, Sanchez, and Materalla chose the most impartial judges they could possibly find for their epic dance-off. The three leaders decided on Russian President Vladimir Putin, Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, and President of China Xi Jinping to judge their competition. Although some observers murmured at the unorthodox choices, the judges have all agreed enthusiastically to render their decisions. They have also strongly urged any naysayers to keep their opinions to themselves, or else.
Recently the media has put up polls to see who the world thinks will win the competition slated to be held on April 31. Unsurprisingly to many, currently President Trump is crushing the polls. Trump’s Vice President, Mike Pence was interviewed on why he thinks Trump is leading by so much. Pence replied, “I mean look at the guy, it’s pretty clear that the man’s hips don’t lie.”
The entire world is sitting on the edge of their seat, anxiously awaiting the day of the competition. As mentioned before, first place is the sun. Second place receives a coveted pair of solid gold ballet shoes encrusted with rubies and emeralds. President Trump has already demanded that the shoes be fitted to his shoe size, as he intends to win both first and second place in the competition.