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Breaking: Penguin Carli Pororo Smashes World Record at 2019 Winter Games

Disclaimer:  People or things in this article that are real are denoted with an asterisk (*).  

At around 3:00 pm this afternoon, the renowned world-class athletic prodigy Carli Pororo from P.P.P. Nation won her fifteenth Olympic gold medal in tobogganing on the twelfth day of Olympic competition. It was the second day of major competition for Carli at this year’s Winter Games in the country of D.F.E. A few days ago on April 1, Carli had competed in the 1,600 meter slide for individual tobogganing and had come in first place with a perfect score of 250.  s a seven year-old penguin, she has been competing in the primary division and has swept every event at the past several Olympics.

The expectations for Carli coming into this year’s Winter Games have been extremely high, but she has completely left her fans speechless with consistent perfect scores in her tobogganing events. Now, she has defied her doubters once more by taking home the gold yet again in the 800 meter slide—only this time, she also broke an inter-divisional world record for the most gold medals ever won by an animal in one sport.  

Regarding this amazing feat, Carli’s close friend and teammate Cherry Pororo told reporters today, “I am so happy for Carli! She is such a kind, humble, and talented person, and she just works so hard every day to become a better athlete and penguin. Carli completely deserves to win all those medals.” Cherry also later added, while laughing, “I’m sure she would love to share her medals with me. I can’t wait to go back to our hotel, have a pillow fight with her, and eat some gummy bears.”  

Another one of Carli’s teammates, Christen Pororo, later remarked to reporters that Carli was “born to break world records” and that she “was naturally talented and gifted in every way possible.” Christen also said, “she [Carli] has been such an awesome role model to me. She respects everyone but fears no one, and that’s so admirable.”

Reece Pororo, Carli’s longtime coach and mentor, expressed that he swelled up with pride when he saw her going through the 800 meter slide finish line.  It should also be noted that cameras later showed him crying tears of joy when Carli was standing on the podium to receive her 15th gold medal in tobogganing.  

Carli’s fellow competitors were not even close to finishing next  to her perfect score, and she seemed to dominate throughout the entire 800 meter slide. With a crowd of about 85,000 animals looking on, Carli easily and calmly earned a perfect score of 250 before jumping into the arms of her excited teammates while the P.P.P. fans went crazy in the stands.  

Chip Pororo (Carli’s guardian), Dale Pororo, Perkie Pororo, Tic Pororo, Christen Pororo, Pongo Pororo, Natalie Pororo, Nate Pororo, Jakub Pororo, Muffy Pororo, Lindsey Pororo, Pecan Pororo, and Solomon Pororo were just some of Carli’s countless family members who mobbed her after her event with hugs, candy, and stuffed animals.

At a press conference after all the excitement, Carli quipped happily, “I’m just so grateful for the opportunity that I have to compete alongside my amazing teammates and to participate in a sport that I dearly love. I still can’t believe that I broke a world record today and that I now have 15 gold medals for my tobogganing career—that’s just insane!”

I pulled Carli aside not long after that and asked her if she would like to give shoutouts to anybody in my article.  Carli says that she would like to thank Kringle, Garrett, her entire kidley g. fam (her friend group), Joey Johnston*, Josh Yu*, AC*, Marshie*, Hope Berry*, Moriah Thomas*, Alex Morello*,  Ian Paine*, and all the people who have supported her.

She would especially like to thank Carisie Pororo (Theresa Lam*), Zach Cleveland*, MJ*, Sonia W.*, Porter DuHadway*, Sam Waters*, Nathan Taber*, and Christian Pulisic* for being amazing humans.  She asks that I plug her instagram (@barlicarliofficial)*, and Carli tells me that she looks forward to winning more medals and breaking more records in future.

8 Comments

  1. Haha! This is hilarious!

  2. Awwwww YAY CARLI! woot wooottt! *cheers*

  3. LOL! Carli is too cute!

  4. Great job, Carli! I’m so proud of you!

  5. Good job, Carli! We’re all so proud of you!!

  6. Great job! We all knew Carli would get those gold medals.

  7. XD, Gjj Carlieeee!!