Theology & Worldview

A Christian’s Guide to Life: The Homeschooler Edition

So, you thought I was going to write a serious and applicable article today…


Unfortunately, I have decided to do something a little different, so hold onto your seat! (Or whatever’s closest to you). (Unless it’s a wild bear then don’t touch it—might’ve been sent by Elisha) (2 Kings 2:23-25). Instead of writing an article on maybe the evidence for the resurrection or perhaps how literally you should take the Bible, I’ve got something even better: A Christian’s Guide to Life: The Homeschooler Edition.

Now, if you’re like me and never really had any social interaction(or friends)until the tender age of 11, also known as the age at which you’ve probably taken several APs as well as the SAT or ACT whilst wearing pajamas (the polka dot ones), it’s sometimes hard to acclimate to a society where you are expected to talk to people (does not include talking to yourself). I mean, the most exposure we’ve probably had is at AWANA or just church in general.

In situations like this, the only thing that comes to mind in trying to interact with other human beings is to talk about either theological views and how they affect the world or the fact that you cannot make a  circle (of any kind). To avoid this awkward situation (and the knowledge that you don’t know how to make a circle), ask about their interests and try to find something in common (or at least as close as possible). As homeschoolers and as Christians, I feel our parents did their best to shelter us from the influences of this world (Listening to jazz, watching the Disney Channel, etc.). This is actually quite useful and helps us to build a better relationship with God early on. There are times however when I wish my parents taught me how to interact with kids who know all the latest music and trends. It’s pretty awkward trying to talk to someone about the ten plagues that spread throughout Egypt or perhaps trying to explain the genealogy of Jesus in a reasonable amount of time (or perhaps if you’re more knowledgeable than the rest of us, you talked about sesame street).

I find that in interacting with others (only learned this recently ha…) you should be yourself. Sure, you may be a nerd who’s already passed advanced chemistry at the age of six, but expressing yourself without falsity is the best way to find lasting friends.



Sadly, many homeschoolers have a serious deficiency of vitamin D…not that I haven’t been outside for weeks or anything…

To cure this ailment and be a seemingly normal person(that looks like a piece of play-doh), spend time outside in the sun and enjoy God’s creation around you. Not only is the sun good for your body, but being outside with no distractions helps to calm the mind (specifically the nagging reminder in the back of your head telling you to do your homework). Sure, there are annoying sounds that you haven’t heard in months (hopefully less than that), but it’s a great time to read your Bible or catch up on the latest Apologetics and Theology articles (aka mine).  


Now, I know that most of you aren’t allowed to date until you are married, but I believe this will be useful. As Christians, we are expected to be polite and courteous in trying to find the other half God created for us.


Because of this, I have compiled a short list of SAFE Christian pick-up lines.

  1. “I’ve read through the book of Numbers multiple times, but I can’t seem to find yours.”
  2. “I know prayer’s over, but could I keep holding your hand?”
  3. “Do you want to be accountability partners?”
  4. “If I walk around you 7 times, will you fall for me?”
  5. “My parents are home, wanna come over?”


Now for the sort of serious part(ha! I tricked you all into thinking I wouldn’t put a moral in here…BUT I DID).


As Christians or kids growing up in a Christian home, there are many expectations set for us. We have to be diligent, kind, loving, patient, and most importantly, a good example of Christ.


I know that these tips seemed kind of random, but each has a specific point it addresses.


In finding friends and interacting with others, we need to be vulnerable and true to ourselves. There are broken and ugly parts in each and every person, but that shouldn’t stop you from having a relationship with God and other people. When we find people that accept us and accept who they are as well, those are the people you’ll want to keep close for the rest of your lifetime.


Taking care of your physical and spiritual needs are fundamental in having a good life. Not just vitamin D, but exercise, sleep, and a healthy diet sustain your body. Keeping yourself strong allows you to enjoy life and also enjoy the presence of God. In keeping yourself healthy, you are more able to serve and worship God.


And finally, the pickup lines.

Finding your future significant other is very special. You’ll spend the rest of your life with that person and so making sure to be respectful and courteous to those you encounter builds character and honors God. You probably don’t want to use those pickup lines, but hey, they may just work for you (Lord willing)(Mainly because the person may or may not try to scooch as far away from you as possible in the small youth room).


Thank you for your time and Happy April Fools, everyone!


  1. HAHA great job! That pick up line if I walk around you 7 times, will you fall for me? And yes, I’m not allowed to date until I’m married

      • They have been proven to be v effective. Almost as effective as “If you don’t go out with me then the 10 plagues of Egypt will be released upon you killing you, your family, your friends, and everything else.”

  2. I shall never forget these pickup lines.

  3. HAHAHA, this is amazing!! It’s so relatible, it almost hurts XD

    “In situations like this, the only thing that comes to mind in trying to interact with other human beings is to talk about either theological views . . . .” SERIOUSLY. This is my default, but it never seems to put people at ease XD XD

    And oh, my word, “Do you want to be accountability partners?” Lol, most Christian pick up line ever!!! I’d never heard that one before XD

    Great job! Thanks for this article!

  4. “most of you aren’t allowed to date until you are married” iconic

  5. Wow! I never knew you were this funny, Carolyn! This is hilarious!

  6. Haha! Thanks for this!! This is EXACTLY what I needed!!! 😛

  7. Hahaha this is awesome! Great job!!

  8. Wow, good job! XD I relate to almost everything! And, yah, no dating till I’m married.

  9. Ohh!! VERY impressive! This is advice I certainly must take!

  10. lol (that’s all i have to say.)

  11. This is SO ACCURATE it’s almost freaking me out. I mean, WOW…

  12. Alyell Byllyndah Byanchah

    that is really funny. ^^^
    i literally lol-ed. 🙂 😛