Featured, Open Mic

The Truth from Annalee

Annallee Rheedraw. Such a great name, right? Too bad if it was fake, no? After all, everyone loves me, they love my style, they love everything about me. (Some would debate that, but I say those people are unimportant snickerdoodles, such as Jacey and Corrie Anna.)

Anyways, I have an announcement. A two parter. And each of you better read the whole thing through because I’m more important than your time.

  1. I’m not real

I’m sorry if I shocked you all today. After all, how could someone as lovely as me be fake? I have the best personality, the best face, the best everything.

To drive that point home, I’m going to list people that I’m better than. Mark Lyford. Raelen VanDuzer. Mary Aden. Josiah DeBoer. Jack Sprat. Frederick Engels. Darth Vader. Melania Trump. Marilyn Monroe. George Washington. Shawn Mendes. Osama Bin Laden. Pablo Picasso. Mrs. T.

And those are the people who came close. If you’re not in that list, you’re probably not even close to my quality of amazingness.

And I’ll admit, my face might not be the absolute cutest out there, but I’m pretty close. Foot rash and all.

You know how Trump looks spectacular for 72? Not a day over 61? Well I’m 16 and I look better than him. So he takes 11 years off his age, and I can take 12. I look as young as a 4 year old.

But pardon me, I digress. This was to announce that I am fake. I’m not a real person.

If any of you all can guess who I am, let me know. I’ll announce it at camp. (That’s right, I’m going to camp.)

And if you’re going to post about this on Facebook, Myspace, Pinterest, or whatever the children are using today, please use #findanalee.

2) I killed Jacey and Corrie Anna.

By now, you may be wondering why I’ve been gone so long. Many of you may not have heard from me in months. And that’s a good thing. I’ve been busy killing off our two least favorite Senior Editors of all time.

Now, I’ve been informed that the editors are going to try and take credit for these people’s death. I want you all to know, that’s fake news. (They’re fake news. Heck, I bet they’ll publish a bunch of it this month. I’m the only one you can trust.)

I killed Jacey when I heard how horribly she treated her sister. How many of you recall the time when there was a Round Robin contest with clay? Well, some of you may have forgotten that Jacey cheated. She ABUSED her power, and went into her SISTER’s ACCOUNT and voted for her. The fraud there warrants she move to North Carolina. (Heh, a political joke, I’m so glad I live in Montana, where politics don’t exist and we’re busy being sold to the Canadians.) Anyways, the ever pragmatic Jacey cheated, and that warranted death.

As others of you may know, Corrie Anna is a nice Senior Editor. I killed her to take the heat off of me. Why, you may ask? Because tps_memes_official told me too (That’s right, buddy, I’m outing you.)

I leave you with a call to action. Find me, bring me to justice, make me suffer for my crimes. And don’t believe the other editors when they say that they killed the Senior Editors.

#findanalee

And because I’m not fake news, here’s my source – https://www.distractify.com/p/sell-montana-to-canada

 

21 Comments

  1. Apparently it shows in the very bottom of this that the person who wrote this is Christine Lyford

    • She’s the open mic editor (as am I)

      We got an email from a “Annalee Rheedraw” last week trying to submit this, we jsut posted it. I confirm that neither of us sent that email, lol

      • Christine Lyford

        If you look, all the articles from Open Mic say they were either written by me or Josiah. I can affirm that this was written by Annalee.

    • cryin’ in the club about this

  2. I’m more concerned that they called Liv Mary
    Who calls her Mary
    what is happening

    (yes, I am aware of her full name… but explain)

  3. Is there a Mary Aden around here, or did SOMEBODY just dare to call me by my “first” name? For your sake, I’ll work off of the assumption that there’s a Mary around here, so that I can focus on the real issue here: killing the SEs? Ineffective. Sloppy. Uninspiring. Also downright rude. I’m a big fan of Jacey & Corrie Anna, and I’ll see them restored in full health.

  4. Annalee dares to claim she is better than Mrs. T? Smh

  5. Killing senior editors? Wow. No true murderer admits their crime…

  6. Stopped reading at “2) I killed Jacey and Corrie Anna.”
    Don’t wanna hear about that…. 😛

  7. I probably should have read this article before reading “We ‘May’ Have Killed the S.E.s” ……

  8. Leanne Zuiderveen

    Love how this article spells “Annalee” three different ways. Obviously, the editors were too busy propagating their Fish-head Coalition to catch that. Haha

    • That’s Jenna’s thing. Josiah was too busy censoring everyone and Christine was revolting against Jenna.

      • Christine Lyford

        Hey, Jenna started it. And I had no part in writing this, it was all Annalee and I was under threat of death to do anything to it other than post it.

    • Yeah–Annalee, Annallee, and Analee

  9. You can’t be more important than your maker. Jussayin.

  10. Cute sunglasses………..

  11. Seriously!?
    If I was Trump you would get in serious trouble for this.
    Bin Laden came close !?!/ What!?