Humor

To Catch a Leprechaun

Happy Crabby Patty Day! Wait, no, that’s tomorrow, sorry! Happy St. Patty’s Day! You’d better be wearing green or else I will personally ensure your pinching. But today I’m not talking about how I will ensure that pinching (*cough* I have Nest cameras everywhere! *cough*) but rather about another part of this endearing holiday.

That’s right, I’m talking about the fickle men in green who love their pots of gold at the end of the rainbow: leprechauns! While I’m not greedy, per se, I would much appreciate a pot of gold to ease my way one day a year! But of course, a pot of gold means nothing if you can’t get it, and to get it you must catch a leprechaun!

First, of course, you need to ready your equipment. I personally do not recommend any of the classic cartoony tasers, tranq darts, or thermal scanning, no, I go with just a giant net and a bit of camo. It’s by far the simplest and all around least cliché thing to do. As for the camo, it really depends where you are trying to catch the guy. If you are going into the forest, get forest camo. If you’re going to be in a big field, wear a flowery dress. Fields tend to be the best, and forests are good too, just don’t do the beach. Don’t. I speak from experience.

Now that you have your equipment figured out, you need to pick a good time to grab him. Leprechauns usually are best found between noon-2 pm. However, I like to get ahead of the crowds of people doing this, so I go out about 4 in the morning. Usually, I’m so early I don’t see a single other person!

You’ll usually have the best amount of luck if you can bring one other person along, if they’re willing. Just have them grab their own giant net and come join the fun and maybe you’ll even share the gold! Three people work as well, but leprechauns have keen ears and will usually stay away if they can hear the noise that only a group of three can make. I tend to go at it alone, but do what’s best for you and your mental health!

Ok, now you’ve gathered everything, put on your dre- *cough* camo, and when it’s the right time to leave, go to your designated location and wait. If you’re lucky, you’ll spot one within two hours. If you’re unlucky, leprechauns hate the location you chose and won’t show up at all.

Once you’ve spotted one, be careful. If it feels frightened, it will run away. Slowly sneak up on it, as a cat does on a mouse, then BAM!!! He may try and fight a bit; that’s normal. Just scoop him up so he can’t actually get out – if he does he’ll run, and you’ll never get your pot of gold.

Now that you have him, it’s time to interrogate. He will not take you to his pot of gold willingly. However, they hate seeing four-leaf clovers stepped on – it causes them extreme mental and emotional pain. So just go over in a nearby patch of clovers and you’re bound to step on one eventually. Afterward, just go to where he says.

And there you go: your once a year gold top-off. If you can’t find one, just wait until next year and try again. Just don’t do this any other day of the year. It makes you look like a real weirdo, more than when you do it on St. Patty’s day.

3 Comments

  1. Aw, man, I was planning to use a cartoony taser in a fursuit on the beach at midnight this Friday!;-; At least I know how to do it NEXT year.

  2. Lol! This is great. Good job!

  3. I have caught one! Thanks for the advice! I’m a millionre now, thanks to you! 🙂 😉 *covers her face to hide a sneaky smile which means that she did not catch one.*