Name: Grace Branch.
Appearance: N/A. Sources suggest that she’s a hamster/the embodiment of procrastination.
Location: Some remote farm in Illinois.
Offenses: Not face-revealing; Providing a blurry picture for this article; Being the embodiment of procrastination.
Transcript from the Interrogation:
Interrogator: Is your first year with TPS?
Offender: Yep. A friend told me about it and I decided to give it a shot.
Interrogator: How do you like it so far?
Offender: It’s good! It’s pretty difficult, but I’ve learned a lot and grown in my studying skills.
Interrogator: What classes are you taking?
Offender: Psychology and Counseling from a Biblical Perspective with Dr. Rathmell and MRRHLC [Medieval, Renaissance, Reformation History, Literature and Composition] with Mr. Crosby and Mrs. Troxell.
Interrogator: What’s your favorite subject?
Offender: Probably my psychology class, haha. It’s just really interesting–so in depth–and I love it.
Interrogator: Do you speak any other languages?
Offender: I took a semester of sign language, and I’ll most likely start that again my junior year. That’s it, though.
Interrogator: Ooh. I took half a semester of ASL!
Offender: Hey, nice! It’s awesome.
[Interrogator Violation Conversing with Offender Noted]
Interrogator: Do you play any instruments?
Offender: I play the violin and ukulele–like every teenage girl ever, haha — but I like playing the ukulele more, though.
Interrogator: Bucket list?
Offender: Seeing all my online friends IRL has to be up near the top, haha. Also seeing my favorite artists in concert, travelling, and then college.
Interrogator: What types of music do you listen to?
Offender: Ohh boy, um, a lot: indie with some rock and a dash of pop.
Interrogator: Who are your favorite musicians?
Offender: Twenty One Pilots is, ugh, amazing. I saw them in October. Billie Eilish and AJR are also great.
Interrogator: What’s your favorite place you’ve travelled to?
Offender: Hm. D.C. is kinda beautiful, and Tennessee is gorgeous. I haven’t been to a ton of places, but I hope to.
Interrogator: Where do you want to go?
Offender: My family has always wanted to backpack across Europe–that would be insane. I’d like to visit Russia as well.
Interrogator: Are you planning to become a psychologist in the future?
Offender: I’m thinking of doing a major in criminology and minoring in psych first, though, and then hopefully getting my masters, haha.
Interrogator: Pick a number 1-5.
Interrogator: Hm… You’re the first person to ever not pick 4.
Offender: Ay. Ever the rebel, I suppose.
Interrogator: Ok. Describe yourself in 3 words.
Offender: Hmm, that’s hard. Maybe, like, caring, thoughtful, and procrastination, haha. Basically my life.
Interrogator: Are you saying that you’re procrastination itself?
Offender: Yes, I am procrastination embodied.
Offender: Why, thank you…
Interrogator: Anyways, how many siblings do you have?
Offender: 3 siblings–all older than me.
Interrogator: Brothers or sisters?
Offender: It’s my eldest sister, Mackenzie, Noah, Joe, then me.
Interrogator: Hm. Do you have any pets?
Offender: Yep, a blue heeler named Toby. We used to have like a cow and horses but they all got sold, so it’s just us and the dog.
Interrogator: Do you live on a farm?
Offender: Yeah, I do, haha. We’re 60 miles from anything.
Interrogator: What are some of your hobbies?
Offender: I write, listen to music and read a lot. I’ve also been trying to draw, but yeah…
Interrogator: What are some of your favorite books?
Offender: My favorite books, umm… the Out Of Time trilogy and the Lunar Chronicles, probably.
Interrogator: What kind of things do you like to write?
Offender: Hm. I mostly write poetry and songs.
Interrogator: Nice. I can’t write poetry.
Offender: Psh. It’s easy: Just find something you’re emotional about, good or bad, then listen to music that correlates. It will usually pop up. I cant rhyme to save my life, though.
Interrogator: What is one thing you can’t stand?
Offender: Being left behind, I suppose.
Interrogator: Aw. And one thing you love?
Offender: Seeing the people I love happy.
Interrogator: What’s your favorite animal?
Offender: Dogs or geckos.
Interrogator: Well.. I think that’s about it, unless you want to be asked a question.
Offender: Not that I can think of, haha.
Interrogator: That’s it then. Thanks.