Humor

A Rat’s Thanksgiving

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Jake 2: Greetings my friends, ladies and gents!

I come to you now bringing

An interview of Remy the rat,

In an article for Thanksgiving!

Remy: (Weirded out) Uhm, Jake? Are you feeling ok?

Jake 2: Of course I am

Why do you ask?

I feel ready to complete

Any given task!

Remy: Why do you keep rhyming like that? It’s kinda weird.

Jake 2: Where I come from,

Though you may not know,

Rhyming is a skill

That everyone will show!

Remy: Well, it’s not very fast, and I don’t know if we have a whole lot of time for it.

Jake 2: If that is your fear,

Then you I hear.

You shall speak the most from this point on,

Tell us of your Thanksgiving preparation.

Remy: If you say so. In France, we don’t have Thanksgiving, but ever since I heard that Americans had a huge day for eating, I had to come and try making a Thanksgiving dinner. I’ll start by telling you about the turkey. You know, I had no idea turkeys were so heavy!

Jake 2: Indeed, they are, but continue on.

Describe the things you plan to feast upon.

Remy: …Riiiight. Well, besides the turkey, I found a wonderful recipe for stuffing that I’d like to experiment with, and one for cranberry sauce, too. Oh, and I can’t wait to try my paw at baking a pumpkin pie!

Jake 2: Ah yes, the pumpkin,

So round and orange.

Often joined with spices

For a flavor like… umm… aw, criminy.

Remy: (confused) That doesn’t rhyme.

Jake 2: I forgot nothing rhymes with orange.

Remy: Oh.

Jake 2: At any rate, the show must go on.

What else do you have in store?

I have never experienced Thanksgiving

So, tell me, is there more?

Remy: Wait, you’ve never experienced Thanksgiving?

Jake 2: Back on my earth,

Where the turkeys run wild

They all live in Africa,

Where their hunters are trialed.

Remy: So, you’re saying that turkeys don’t live in the U.S., and people who hunt them are prosecuted?

Jake 2: Correct.

Remy: Ouch.

(Remi’s brother Emile wanders into the room munching on a piece of cheese and waves to Remy and Jake 2.)

Emile: Hey little brother! Hi Jake!

Jake 2: (whispering to Remy) How does this fellow know my name?

I’ve never met him, or if I have he isn’t the same.

Remy: You have too met him! He was there when we met to schedule this thing!

Jake 2: (forgetting to rhyme) He was?

Remy: Yeah!

Emile: Remy, you have got to try some of this cheese. The smoked gouda is amazing!

Remy: Did you try any of the white cheddar?

Emile: No, not yet.

Remy: Here, I think I have a wedge here somewhere… Here we go!

(Emile grabs the proffered cheese and almost literally inhales it.)

Remy: NO! No! No! Don’t just hork it down!

Emile: Too late. Again.

Remy: (Sighs in desperation) What am I going to do with you?

Jake: (Opens the door to the office) Good grief, Cap wasn’t lying when he said that vibranium robot soldiers put up a hard fight! (Sees Remy and Emile) Hey, what are you guys doing here? I thought I’d postponed the interview until… (Sees Jake 2, blinks several times) What are you doing here?

Jake 2: I do believe that I need no longer stay.

In fact, I think it’s true I’d be better off far away!

Jake: Oh no you don’t, you ruggedly good-looking imposter! Come back here!

(Jake tries to grab Jake 2, but Jake 2 pulls out a teleportation device and disappears.)

Remy: Ok, what just happened?

Jake: That was one of the imposters from another Earth. Oh, speaking of which, “Jedi mind trick”.

Remy: …Help.

Jake: Don’t worry, you didn’t do anything wrong. I might actually be able to use this material. It’ll save me some time.

(Beep! Beep! Beep!)

Jake: Speaking of time, we’re fresh out. Say goodbye, Remy. You too, Emile.

Remy: I’m still lost.

Emile: Got any more cheese?

Jake: Good enough. See you next time readers! Happy Thanksgiving!

This article is sponsored by the Poets’ Society of Earth 2. Turns out that the turkeys there do actually live in Africa but hunting them isn’t illegal. It’s actually encouraged!

14 Comments

  1. DUUUUDDEE YOU HAVE CLONES?! xD

  2. LOL…now I see the importance of the “Jedi mind trick”.
    Your articles always make me laugh! Keep it up.

  3. “Ah yes, the pumpkin, so round and orange. Often joined with spices for a flavor like a door hinge.”

    This article turned out really great! I hope you weren’t up writing it too late.

  4. ooh what were you doing with Cap that involved vibranium robots?

  5. lol these are awesome! can’t wait for the next one 🙂

  6. ok, come on people, lets go turkey hunting…