Featured, Humor

Quick Tips for Multiverse Exploration

Salutations, my faithful readers! Jake Moore here! The Senior Editors asked me to write a special editor’s note as a part of Junior Editor Tryouts Month. I spent hours racking my brain trying to come up with an idea when this idea hit me like an anvil falling on Wile E. Coyote: most of you know I travel through various dimensions to interview colorful characters and bring hilarity to tedious school days. If you should ever find yourself with the means to travel the multiverse as I do, there are a few hard and fast rules every explorer should take note of:

 

  1. Know your transport. No matter what, always use the same method of transportation to get to different dimensions and time periods. As some of you have already figured out, I typically hitch a ride with the Doctor. However, there are many other modes of transport available. For example, I’ve heard of explorers using dimensional rifts, more commonly known as “portals,” to travel through reality. These can be generated with several different devices, such as a blaster, a gateway, or a flying Delorean.
  2. Collect as you go. Do not hesitate to accept gifts/raid abandoned stashes of helpful equipment. You never know when the odd lightsaber, cutlass, or spork might come in handy. For starters, get something small and easy to handle like a phaser from Captain Kirk or a drone from Mr. Stark. Then move onto the big stuff like a dual-portal device from Aperture Laboratories or a lightsaber. However, make sure only to take what you can actually use. For example, the Eye of Agamotto would be pretty useless to some who isn’t Doctor Strange or an insane titan.
  3. Make friends with those you meet. As I have found time and time again, friends are invaluable to multiverse explorers. So make some friends as you travel through different dimensions. Besides, who wouldn’t want to be buddies with Batman or MacGyver? Such friends will almost invariably help you out of sticky situations, and more often than not they will ask some favors of you, so you won’t be bored either. And when you’re not busy saving the galaxy, you can always just hang out with your crew. Unless, of course, you have a paper or something.
  4. Have a signature… something. You fill in the blank. The point is you should have something people can recognize you by, like a mark your method of transportation leaves on the ground (flaming tire tracks), a special outfit you wear (bowties are cool), a signature move (laser deflect!), or even just your signature (if you cannot come up with something else). Find what makes you special and build off of that.
  5. Do not interfere with important events. If your transport travels through time, and you travel to an important period in a dimension’s history, do NOT interfere with what happens. I’m not saying this because you’ll change that dimension’ timeline, but because it’s impossible to change a such a timeline. Trust me. I have tried. Several times. And each time ended very badly for me (some of you may remember the Gollum incident from a long time ago. And the Kylo Ren incident. And the M.O.D.A.K. incident… oh, wait, I haven’t told y’all about that, have I? Maybe another time). The point is that trying to change a timeline is like trying to stop a freight train by standing in front of it. Unless you’re the one controlling the train, things aren’t going to work out too well for you.
  6. Get working equipment. If you intend to interview people like I do, please invest in a very sturdy timer, then tell me where you got it. I have a feeling I’ll need it.

That’s about all I have the energy for. If you have any questions (which I’m sure y’all will have an abundance of), leave them in the comments. I have to go; my stomach is angry with me. Jake out.

… Wait, Jake back in. Forgot to drop the mic.

(Bonk!)

Jake back out.

Image Credit: Babbel1996 [CC BY 2.5 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5)], from Wikimedia Commons, https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tardis_BBC_Television_Center.jpg

13 Comments

  1. Great article, Jake! Although somehow I feel like I am the kind of person who would just have a signature signature… 😛

  2. *GASP* You didn’t say jedi mind trick!

    • *Scratches* Wait, I would have a signature DeLorean with flaming tires, me wearing a bowtie, and I’m a master at lightsaber dueling!! xD Who’d wanna fight with a time-traveling, lightsaber-bearing TPS student wearing a bowtie?! xDD

  3. I would go back and steal MacGyver’s Swiss Army knife #macgyverit

  4. Lololololololololololol. My signature is being an expert swordperson. And there are some comments about jedi mind tricks, so I will have that, too. XD!