Humor

McDonald’s, a Fine Dining Review

Hello, my two dear and faithful readers (hi Mom and Dad),

For this post, I spared no expense to bring you a review of one of the highest quality restaurants in the world. No, it isn’t steakhouse or even a sushi joint, I’m talking about the one, the only McDonald’s!

Upon arrival at the restaurant, I immediately saw a large window sticker of a man. I presumed that it was of McDonald himself. Unfortunately, it had been defaced by a very skilled painter and now looks like a rather creepy and dare I say, tacky clown.

I entered the building, there were minimal decorations, and it was a tad bit dirty, but that can be easily chalked up to inconsiderate guests. In the back area of the building, a large indoor playground resided. “Smart,” I thought. “Not many places have entertainment for small children.”

There was no waiter to take me to my seat, so I sat down at the cleanest table. A minute past, then two, then five, then ten. After fifteen minutes, no waiter had come to give me a menu.

The thought then occurred that one orders their food at the counter. I walked over to the counter and decided that I would try three classics that I had heard of before: The Big Mac, The McNuggets, and the McFlurry. I got in line, and waited for my turn to order. When I finally reached the counter, the person there said, “Hi, welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?” So formal and polite.

“Yes,” I responded. “l will have a Big Mac, the McNuggets, and a vanilla McFlurry.”

“Would you like a drink and fries with that?”

“Yes, I would.”

I paid and waited for my food. They must have some secret method because my food came to me faster than any other fancy restaurant I had ever been to.

I took my food back to my seat and decided to try the Big Mac first. While unwrapping it, the smells of the bun, pickles, meat, and cheese filled my nostrils. The lettuce couldn’t be smelled.

I bite into the burger, and the juices and flavors filled my mouth. It was delicious. The meat was fairly overcooked but still mouthwatering. I also loved the grainy week-old lettuce, I don’t normally have produce that fresh. All in all, a solid 9/10!

After devouring the rest of the burger, I moved onto the McNuggets. Now, l, Edward Edge, do research before I go to review a place, and I learned that all McNuggets have a shape. I opened the box to find a bunch of blobs. A McDonald’s employee was on break next to me. “Excuse me, what shape is this nugget?”

He looked at it for a second, then responded, “Oh, that’s a bell.”

Of course! How could I have missed it? It was obviously a bell. I tasted it, and it tasted like… Grade B chicken! 10/10!

From the chicken I moved to the last item of my tasting: the Mcflurry. The spoon was quite odd, almost like it was a spoon and a straw, yet only a spoon.

I had my first bite: the soothing cool flavors of vanilla and, well, vanilla rolled over my tongue as though it was slightly melted ice cream. No other cold dessert, not a popsicle, soft-serve, a milkshake, not even Haagen-Dazs, could hold a candle to the grandeur of the McFlurry. It was simply exquisite. An 11/10!

I tallied the points, and on my first review ever, I found what is quite possibly the best restaurant in the country! It wasn’t a steakhouse, which was what I thought, but I’ve never in fact eaten at one because of their price. No, for a whopping perfect score of 30/30, McDonald’s is the best restaurant quite possibly on the face of the earth.

From The Eccentric Entries of Edward Edge

8 Comments

  1. Did you go to one of those extra-fancy ones with the exquisite McPlayPlace? 😮

  2. What an inspiring review Nick!

  3. This is hilarious. Good job.

  4. YES! The spoons that look like straws! I’m not the only one. . . 🙂

  5. This is amazing! You make McDonalds sound like it tastes so amazing. Also loved how you included the weird spoons.