Disclaimer: This article is the exclusive property of Jake Moore and clay magazine. It may not be used, viewed, printed, teleported, stuffed down the barrel of a rifle, splattered with banana, boiled with lobster, copied, pasted, or used as an improvised bat-signal without the expressed consent of Jake Moore and clay magazine.
Jake: Hello, once again, readers! If you remember last year…
Daffy: Rabbit season!
Bugs: Duck season!
Jake: Guys, ssshhh! If you remember last year, I invited everyone I had interviewed back to the office for one last time. Even though it ended in the inevitable disaster that every article ends in, I decided to make a bit of a tradition of it. So…
Spock: These two strangely drawn animals are not making much progress in their debate.
Jake: That’s kinda the point, pal. Well, I think everybody’s here. Let’s see, we have Bugs and Daffy, Spock, Uhh…
Kevin: (sitting in a desk chair on casters) WHEEEEEEEE!!!!
Jake: Ok, the minions are here. Um… Bru…
Batman: DUDE! There’s a reason it’s called a “secret” identity.
Jake: Sorry! Uh… Has anybody seen Lanny and Wayne?
Mater: I ain’t seen that movie. Is it good?
Jake: Not a movie! Lanny and Wayne, the Prep and Landing elves.
Mater: Oh. Well, I haven’t seen ‘em.
Swedish Chef: There’s a little person over that wee.
Jake: That’s Jack-Jack.
Jack-Jack: (giggles, hiccups, and accidentally fires laser-vision)
Jake: EVERYBODY DUCK!
Daffy: IT’S NOT DUCK SEASON, IT’S RABBIT SEASON!
Jake: Not what I meant. Has anybody seen Lanny and Wayne?
Wayne: (from behind Jake) Right here, Jake.
Jake: Woah! (jumps five feet in the air and bumps into Kevin riding the ceiling fan) You guys are good! That and you’re small.
Lanny: Well, actually, elves prefer proportionately challenged.
Jake: Oh, sorry. Ok, I think that’s everybody. Now, I intend to get at least three questions in. The first is for everybody. What are your plans for summer?
(everyone begins talking at the same time)
Jake: One at a time!! Batman, you first.
Batman: I plan on stopping baddies in Gotham City, and possibly sending Joker to the phantom zone.
Jake: That didn’t work out too well last time, but a bat’s gotta do what a bat’s gotta do. I guess. Bugs?
Bugs: DUCK SEASON!
Daffy: RABBIT SEASON!
Jake: Never mind those two. Uh, Kevin?
Kevin: (still riding on ceiling fan) BANANA! Hahahaha!
Jake: Ok then. Jack-Ja… oh wait, you can’t talk.
Jake: Well, not really, anyway. Chefy? I can tell you’ve got something up your sleeve.
Swedish Chef: Yeah?
Jake: Yeah, I can see it through your shirt. Is that a… Why do you still have the stinking corkscrew?
Swedish Chef: Oh? (pulls corkscrew out of his sleeve) Hm. (Throws corkscrew over shoulder)
Jake: Ok, Spock?
Spock: As the Enterprise has been recently completed, the crew will continue its mission into deep space.
Spock: Precisely. Deep space is very cold.
Jake: Somehow, I feel very misunderstood today. Ok, second question: Who’s ready for the Solo: A Star Wars Story movie? Eh?
Kevin: Oh, oh, me! Me!
Batman: Totally ready.
Swedish Chef: Huh?
Jake: Okay, cool. Final question…
(Beep! Beep! Beep!)
Jake: (turns to Swedish Chef) Is that yours or mine, Chefy?
Swedish Chef: Mine, for der chocolate chip muffins.
Jake: Ooo, can I have one?
Batman: I thought you didn’t have any more questions.
Jake: Wait, what? Oh, right sorry. Final question: Who had fun this year? Show of hands.
(Everyone raises a hand except for Kevin who is clinging for his life to the ceiling fan.)
Jake: Awesome! I think that just about wraps it up, and my office is still mainly intact!
Kevin: BONZAI!!!!! (smashes through window)
Jake: Never mind.
(Beep! Beep! Beep!)
Jake: Alrighty, folks. That’s a wrap!
Mater: If you say so. (begins to wrap timer in scotch tape)
Jake: Not that kind of wrap, Mater. Say goodbye, everybody.
Spock: Live long and prosper.
Batman: Batman out.
Daffy: RABBIT SEASON!!
Bugs: DUCK SEASON!!
Lanny: Bye everybody!
Mater: See ya, folks!
Swedish Chef: Bort! Bort! Bort!
Jake: ¡Adíos, Muchachos! See you next year!