News, Sports, Spotlight

Turkey Basters and Turkey Writers

Before I begin my enjoyable job of reviewing/roasting my writers, may I first introduce the wonderful, fantabulous, can’t-live-without turkey baster! This one of a kind cooking instrument, sold by Pampered Chef, comes in many different styles, all of which I highly recommend for many different purposes. But first, your options await:

  1.  The Typical Turkey Baster

    I myself own one of these wonderful creations and love its elegant simplicity. *nods*
  2.  The Turkey Turkey Baster

    If you fantasize over turkeys, head to the convenient Pampered Chef website to purchase one of these beauties for a long and happy life filled with turkeys.
  3. The Funtastic Turkey Baster

    This extra special turkey baster has many different, high-tech functions, all ranging from the normal kitchen utensil use, to squirting sauce across the table towards a friend or family member. I promise, when you have this by your side during a meal, both you and your victim will not soon forget that special moment, making perfect memories to look back on.

Now, without further ado, here are the evaluations of the best section (that somehow isn’t even a section?):

Gabe Ratcliffe – Sports News Columnist

Creativity – 4

Timeliness – 5

I do not believe Gabe has been late for an article or even asked for an extension, so kudos to him.

Knowledgeability – 4

Grammatical Correctness – 2

Not, all, spaces, need, commas,,,I don’t think a turkey baster could squirt more commas onto an article than Gabe puts on is.

Organization – 5

Style/Tone – 3

Communication – 5

Applicable meme –

Ethan Wall – Basketball News Columnist

Creativity – O

Ethan’s top 3 ranking ideas for articles:

  1. Top 3 ranks
  2. Top 3 ranks
  3. Top 3 ranks

Timeliness – 4

The only times he hasn’t gotten his articles to me have been when he was competing at a basketball game or at practice, so I can’t really penalize him for learning more about the sport instead of writing about it. But for the most part he managed to manage his busy schedule well enough. *thumbs up*

Knowledgeability – 5

Grammatical Correctness- 4

Organization – 5

Doing top 3 ranks a lot does help organize his articles… into three ranks.

Style/Tone – 3


It would help a little bit if I knew you were going to be unavailable and therefore unable to write your article  – like, before I was supposed to have your article. *ahem*

Applicable Meme –


Kevin Yang – Athletes Spotlight Columnist

Creativity- 5

Kevin has done a great job finding some athletes over the year that aren’t often recognized or widely known.

Timeliness – 1

While he has not been known to hand in an article late, the phrase “Oh… right” or “Totally didn’t forget about my article and write it just now in about 30 minutes xD” often follows a reminder the day said article is due. It sometimes makes me want to knock him over the head with a turkey baster.

Knowledgeability – 5

The information Kevin has found about the athletes has never ceased to fascinate me, and he sucks his readers in like a turkey baster sucking up broth.

Grammatical Correctness – 4

Organization – O

The number of times Kevin has forgotten his password to clay websites caused the SE’s to give him paswords such as “KevinLostHisPasswordAgain.” (Hopefully this isn’t still his password. Don’t try it.) This forgetfulness seems to be a trend. Some could say he is pumping our brains for new passwords like a turkey baster.  I am not amused.

Style/Tone – 3

Communication – 5

His fantastic way of remembering to communicate to me that he forgot about writing an article has been on point.

Applicable Meme –


With that, Marlee out. Turkey basters are the b[a]stest.


  1. LOL the last one!

  2. LOLLL. I love that meme!