Arts & Culture

Cookie Scoops: Not Just Glorified Ice Cream Scoops

If you can resist the temptation to eat all the cookie dough before you have the chance to bake it, then you need cookie scoops.  Cookie scoops are typically used for scooping cookie dough into perfectly round, specific proportions corresponding to certain sizes of cookies– or, if you’re feeling adventurous, for scooping ice cream, meatballs, pancake batter, truffles, muffins, biscuits, cheese balls, other assorted round foods….

I will readily admit that I had no idea what these kitchen utensils were until I began to write this article, and I also had no idea that I would be writing writer evaluations this month.  However, both are absolutely essential–cookie scoops because they are definitely not mere glorified ice cream scoops (and I’m not just saying this because my job is on the line if Pampered Chef doesn’t sell enough of these this month), and writer evaluations to make up for the fact that clay does not have a final exam testing to see if writers really do understand that the Oxford comma is a thing by the end of the year.

I’ll be rating my columnists from 1 to 5 (with 5 being best) in seven categories, as well as matching their personalities to cookies, like those Buzzfeed quizzes you take instead of doing math homework or writing your clay article.

 

Rachel Shey, Poetry & Art Columnist:

  • Creativity: 5 – She wrote an entire parody of Shake it Off involving spatulas.
  • Timeliness: 5 (billion) points for Rachel, since she usually sends articles to me at least eighteen days early.  Basically, if everyone had their lives as well planned out as Rachel’s, then we would have world peace and Pampered Chef cookie scoops for all.
  • Knowledgeability: 5
  • Grammatical Correctness: 4
  • Organization: 5
  • Style/Tone: 4
  • Communication: 5
  • If Rachel was a cookie– She would be a Snickerdoodle– your go-to, reliable friend, always ready with a creative idea.

 

Webley Woods, Food Columnist:

  • Creativity: 4- I’m not totally sure just how creative people should get while writing recipes— you might end up with pineapples on pizza, which would be weird, but good job Webley for mixing things up every once in a while and keeping us hooked on the Follow Your Gut series.
  • Timeliness: 4- There was that one month that Webley totally forgot about having to write an article at all.  But other than that, pretty good.
  • Knowledgeability: 5- You could totally tell Webley knew what she was talking about when it came to the kitchen (noted, this is coming from someone who can’t make soup without catching something on fire).  However, in her multiple articles involving cookies, she neglected to mention cookie scoops even once! Maybe work on that next year.
  • Grammatical Correctness: 4
  • Organization: 5
  • Style/Tone: 5
  • Communication: 5
  • If Webley was a cookie– Webley is so sweet and so much fun to work with; she would be a sugar cookie with rainbow sprinkles!

Julia Ackerson, Book Columnist:

  • Creativity: 5- There weren’t many classics that made the cut for Julia’s column this year, but her articles made reading about occasionally obscure YA fiction almost as fun as using Pampered Chef cookie scoops.
  • Timeliness: 4- Julia seemed to have a sometimes fuzzy understanding of deadlines, but her apology/excuse emails were so extravagant and funny that I’m only taking off one point.
  • Knowledgeability: 5- I wasn’t fact checking to make sure Julia was writing about real books, so she may just be awfully good at making up fake plotlines.
  • Grammatical Correctness: 5
  • Organization: 5
  • Style/Tone: 5
  • Communication: 5
  • If Julia was a cookie: She would be a gingersnap!  Bold, fun, and just a little wacky.

Savannah Gross, Theatre Columnist:

  • Creativity: 5- Can we all take a clay field trip to Broadway?
  • Timeliness: 4
  • Knowledgeability:  5- Savannah’s research and experience shone in her articles almost as much as a Pampered Chef stainless steel cookie scoop would.
  • Grammatical Correctness: 5
  • Organization: 5
  • Style/Tone: 5
  • Communication: 5
  • If Savannah was a cookie: She would be an M&M cookie.  These surprising and colorful cookies were born (baked?) for show business!

Annalee Lael Rheedraw, Photography Columnist/Undercover Boss:

(I recommend watching the Undercover Boss video from earlier this month to give this section some context–but basically, Halle and Raelen were pretending to be an Arts & Culture columnist named Annalee, unbeknownst to me for most of the year.)

  • Creativity: 0- Annalee’s photos were all actually Halle’s or Raelen’s.  No points here.  She would have earned a few if she had photographed some cookie scoops though.
  • Timeliness: 0- The senior editors should never be allowed to take disciplinary action regarding missed deadlines again, considering Annalee’s track record.  They must have been busy either climbing Mount Everest or making cookies by hand (instead of using Pampered Chef cookie scoops).
  • Knowledgeability: 0- Borrowed knowledge, or just plain plagiarism? Either way, Annalee serves as an example of what we shouldn’t do in English class. She didn’t cite Halle or Raelen even once.
  • Grammatical Correctness: 2- Rather unimpressive, considering her close relationship with the senior editors.
  • Organization: 4- I must admit, the prank was orchestrated remarkably well, even if some people do have trouble keeping a secret.
  • Style/Tone: 4- Sometimes Annalee’s articles sounded like Halle, and sometimes they sounded like Raelen. A bit confusing, but it worked.
  • Communication: 2- Clay’s golden rule is: if you’re going to be late, ask for an extension in advance. I wonder if Annalee has heard of this rule.
  • If Annalee was a cookie: She’d be an Internet cookie.  These sound like a cookie-scoopable treat at first, but in reality, they don’t exist outside of your computer hard drive.

Thank you to these columnists for an awesome year, and an even better April Fools!

 

 

Image credits:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfMfkRLPXHA

www.kingarthurflour.com/shop/items/tablespoon-cookie-scoop

www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/trisha-yearwood/snickerdoodles-recipe-2041594

chocolatechocolateandmore.com/sprinkle-sugar-cookies/

www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2015/12/the-best-gingersnap-cookie-recipe.html

sallysbakingaddiction.com/2012/03/27/peanut-butter-mm-cookies/

fieldguide.gizmodo.com/the-complete-guide-to-cookies-and-all-the-scary-stuff-w-1794247382

7 Comments

  1. Yes! I have always wanted to be compared to a Snickerdoodle!
    Now, if you were to be a cookie, I think you would be the kind of cookie that is most orderly and classic: the Oreo.

  2. hahah i love being called a funfetti sugar cookie, however i identify as more of a lemon cake cookie

  3. hahahaha

  4. Wow, these look very good! You must have good experience with baking!! Great Job:)

  5. LOLL

  6. Heyyyyy, pineapple pizza is good!

  7. Gabe Cunningham

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ the flavors mix together soooooooooo well